Sex within the Marriage


#1

I am confused. I believe sex is one of the great pleasures God has given us. Sex between a Man and his wife is an intragal part of thier married life. It brings them together and binds them as a couple and consummates thier commitment to one another. This bind between a man and a women is the basis in which our families are formed. It should be pleasurable to each and each should give of themselves to solitify this bond.
My wife and I want God to be a bigger part of our lives so I started to come to this web sight and read up on our Religion and look for ways to insure that God stays with in our marrige. With out God the true bond of matrimoney can not be enjoyed. I have read that any sex with out the chance of procreation is wrong. I have read NFP is wrong even though it was part of our marriage encounter 15 years ago. We seemed to be more concerned with what can not be done as opposed to having god with us. I thought Jesus freed us from these self imposed restraints.


#2

I am not sure what your question is? Just a few points to make on your post. Sex within marriage must be
#1 Unitive, uniting the husband and wife in the marital embrace as a sign of their love and committment to each other and
#2 Procreative, every act must be open to new life.
Each marital act must end with the husband’s ejaculation inside his wife’s vagina. We are called to come to the marital act totally, freely, fruitfully and faithfully, selflessly giving ourselves to our spouse.
NFP is not wrong, it can be misused, but it is not wrong, it is accepted by the Church.

Please read “The Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. Check out his website at www.christopherwest.com for a lot of great resources.


#3

Where did you ever get the idea on this site that NFP is wrong? :confused:

If used for the wrong purpose, sure it is, but that is the case with most things in life. NFP is not wrong if used properly.

~Liza


#4

I think I know what the OP is meaning… I learned about NFP (Billings Method) the first time in a premarital class at the church. I was VERY excited about and mentioned it to my Godmother who said it was great, but ONLY to be used in grave circumstances. It was a downer… to be brutally honest.


#5

What do NFP & OP stand for?
JM :wink:


#6

Oh sorry…

NFP = Natural Family Planning
ABC = Artificial Birth Control
OP = Original Poster

you will see many more to come…


#7

I am confused.

OK.

I believe sex is one of the great pleasures God has given us.

That’s like saying you believe the sky is blue. Everyone believes it, it’s not just you.

Sex between a Man and his wife is an intragal part of thier married life. It brings them together and binds them as a couple and consummates thier commitment to one another. This bind between a man and a women is the basis in which our families are formed. It should be pleasurable to each and each should give of themselves to solitify this bond.

Spoken like a true Catholic.

My wife and I want God to be a bigger part of our lives so I started to come to this web sight and read up on our Religion and look for ways to insure that God stays with in our marrige. With out God the true bond of matrimoney can not be enjoyed.

Sounds good to me.

I have read that any sex with out the chance of procreation is wrong. I have read NFP is wrong even though it was part of our marriage encounter 15 years ago.

I have read that bigfoot is real and George Bush is an alien. Doesn’t mean it’s true.

  • We seemed to be more concerned with what can not be done as opposed to having god with us. I thought Jesus freed us from these self imposed restraints.*

I’d say it’s time to read the Gospels again. There’s no “good times Jesus” in there. He freed us from certain damnation, not from responsibility and common sense.

I think you need to re-phrase your question. NFP is certainly allowed by the Church if a couple has a serious reason to avoid children. Artificial contraceptives are certainly not allowed under any circumstances. Pretty simple rules, if you ask me…


#8

But guys, with all due respect. Where did you get the idea that sex, a natural function like breathing, eating, sleeping is in anyway sinful?


#9

Are you serious?


#10

Thank you, Sina.
JM:) :slight_smile:


#11

For sure. Why God would create a harmful biological function?


#12

He hasn’t, sex is a great gift to us. But the misuse of sex, even within marriage, can be a great evil…


#13

For sure. Why God would create a harmful biological function?

You mean, like cancer or gallstones?

The reason I asked if you were serious is that your question is sort of completely basic…you’re on a religious discussion board…Christians believe that God is the author of the moral code…where did we get the idea? Um…we believe we got it from God. Isn’t that sort of obvious?

And, as another poster pointed out, we don’t think sex (as in actual biological sex, man and woman) is evil. It’s quite clearly described as a good in Christian theology.

But really, like 5 minutes of Googling would have told you all that.


#14

Sex, in and of itself, is good. But the misuse of sex is bad.


#15

I have read NFP is wrong even though it was part of our marriage encounter 15 years ago. We seemed to be more concerned with what can not be done as opposed to having god with us. I thought Jesus freed us from these self imposed restraints.

I think I know what the OP is meaning… I learned about NFP (Billings Method) the first time in a premarital class at the church. I was VERY excited about and mentioned it to my Godmother who said it was great, but ONLY to be used in grave circumstances. It was a downer… to be brutally honest.

True Irish, am I understanding this correctly: you would like to have sex with your wife without having children, but there is no serious reason why you couldn’t have and raise children?


#16

Didn’t you hear our whole generation misunderstood theologians, writers and most all of us. It was never “grave” only “serious”, like messing up your check book that is serious but not grave. So if you’re a little short on money that could be serious? Or maybe you seriously want a Lexus?

If surprised check the Vatican web site vatican.va/


#17

Have not seen, on this thread, any reference to the Couple to Couple League which teaches the details of Natural Family Planning.

Here is their Web site.

ccli.org/

Second, I would like to promote the idea of pro-actively praying to the Holy Spirit for direction and guidance.

We constantly pray to the Father and to the Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. But, in my experience, we RARELY pray to the Holy Spirit … the Paraclete, the Holy Ghost, … for direction and guidance.

There are many and complex reasons why people postpone having children. However, in my experience, God is able to change our circumstances in ways we cannot imagine.

In being open to having children, it would help tremendously in terms of our mindset(s) and thinking and emotions, if we leaned more heavily on the Holy Spirit.

It takes deliberate training and effort to make praying to the Holy Spirit a habit. But it’s worth working at.


#18

First off, I think a clarifying post is in order here. Unfortunately your orignal post leaves quite a bit to be desired, what is the question more specifically?

NFP is not wrong. Agian, just as it has been discussed up above, sex is not wrong but it can be used in a the wrong manner. NFP is the same. However the essential difference is that you are still open to life, you aren’t putting up barriers to new life. Woman are infertile most of their lives, God designed it this way, he also gave us the signs to figure out when they are and are not fertile. If you have reason to avoid pregnancy, you are by all means allowed to use these signs. However, if you are blessed with a child, you need to treat them as a gift from God. If in your experience you placed the focus on not getting pregnant, instead of focussing on a mutual total self donation of oneself then you might have had the wrong idea about sex.


#19

Once upon a time, the Catholic Church called certain actions “mortal sins”. Things were fairly clear. Pastors could clarify easily.

However, as you stated, in the 1960’s suddenly the word “mortal” got downgraded to “grave” and then further downgraded to “serious”.

The word “mortal” is very understandable. But when you get to the word “serious”, you start to equate things … ABC becomes equivalent to jaywalking, for example.


#20

To the OP, God created eating as a perfectly wonderful natural process also. Now, we can pervert that also. We can gorge ourselves and become unhealthy and obese. Or we can become bulimic and induce vomiting so we have all the fun of eating, but none of the “consequences.” But that bulimia brings about its own set of issues and problems and consequences. But the bulimic thinks that because they are not getting fat, that their system works.

It’s like that with sex. God created it with a purpose. And it can be misused. Outside of marriage, it is a source of mortal sin. And it leads to the mutual exploitation of people with no tie to each other, and puts children at risk of growing up in instability. But marriage isn’t the answer to that kind of mentality either. A married couple can still exploit each other. Spouses can still use each other (with no consequences and pregnancies) but frequent sex doesn’t build a strong marriage. It can hide a lot of problems and other issues. It’s like the bulimic who eats a lot of food, but is still starving to death.

I would ask a couple why they are delaying children. Why isn’t there an overwhelming love for the spouse to the point that one yearns to have a baby by them? Let’s be real… if our parents waited until their finances were “just perfect” most of us wouldn’t be here. Why do we wait and postpone giving our spouse that gift that only we can give?

I’ve noticed that those who don’t really have an appreciation of the real role of sex within marriage eventually find themselves having sex outside of their marriage.


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