Sexless marriage .. help?


#1

I’ve posted here in the past with this issue. So for years I’m in a sexless marriage. Been married 15. Nothing the past 3 1/2 years. I love my wife, here is the problem. She is a very good wife taking care of our two boys… she works hard , cleans cooks etc… but has her issues. She is a very nervous / stressed lady … always worrying about everything including making more money ( as most married couples have issues with ). But again the nerves and worrying about everything is most likely the main issues. I do my best … I’m not perfect … But trying to be a good husband. My wife keeps saying making more money , taking care of the kids , cleaning the house inside and out are more important than having sex!! She says sex is for young couples that just got married … and not for adults that are married. Btw we are in our mid 40’s. No she won’t seek help of any kind … counseling … talking to a priest etc. I have taked and seeked our help … but it does me no good … I still come home to a sexless marriage. I’m not one of those typical males that just want sex… I truly love my wife … want to be close to her… I need to be close to her. And I’m no doctor … but intimacy heals many issues such as stress as what my wife has over everything. She expects me to know everything … fix everything because I’m a guy. I do try but fail. So I’m simply seeking prayers for my wife … for her heart to realize we must be one and sexual !! I’m not saying everyday … just enough to feel close to my wife … to Eachother as we once did. Funny how before marriage this wasn’t an issue … but as we got married it is. This is how the devil works. Turing what God has given to a man and wife in marriage to something bad that is tearing my wife and I appart !! I’m just asking for prayers … please. And who can I pray to for help other than Jesus and countless rosaries that don’t seem to be working.


#2

She does need a FULL medical work up and yes to talk to a Priest. Praying for y’all but know you are not alone. Many deal with the same thing as you.

Our Father
Hail Mary
Glory Be


#3

Will certainly prayer for you guys but also you need to explain to her how it’s making you feel as you have to us here, and possibly would be good idea refer yourselves to a Catholic marriage counsellor. Don’t have to answer but would she accept cuddles, kisses etc? Build those things from the ground up. You sound like a very loving husband.

Remind her of the importance of treasures in heaven rather than treasures that will not last here in earth, and remind her the blessings of your little ones are because you were husband and wife before you were mom and dad. Romance her if you are not already doing so ( I am sure you are). Are you able to afford a cleaner for a couple hours per week or someone to sit the kids so you can take her out?

You are doing the right thing getting help xx


#4

Think you !!! I need prayers. My wife doesn’t think she has any problem. She says that I’m the problem … I should start acting like an adult and stop thinking like a child


#5

Well that is very difficult to deal with for sure. You both are married for life and you both need to talk to each other in the best way you can. Just ask her patiently to see a doctor and not because it’s her fault but because it could be something as “simple” as hormones out of sink. Believe me hormones can wreck a person.


#6

Thanks !! I actually clean the house to surprise my wife … I do a lot of daily chores. She simply says Romance and sex are for young people not for married adults who have children to take care of … and work. She won’t seek help … my wife says I’m the problem thinking like a child and not as an adult. !! The devil has his grips on our marriage but good !!!


#7

Great advice. She won’t seek help from a counselor / priest or doctor. She simply says that I should … thinking as a child … as sex is not important and not needed


#8

Tell her you will go for a full medical work up if she will.


#9

Already tried that. As she says. She is normal and healthy. I’m not. I’m the only one who needs help. I’m on a no win situation. I need a miracle


#10

Don’t give up miracles do happen.


#11

You should be honest with her. Ask her if she wants to see this marriage succeed.


#12

Thank you. I’ve had plenty. But I think god is making me wait or testing my faith


#13

Oh. I’ve said that. She simply sex is not a part of a marriage


#14

I am sorry for the situation you are in. I don’t have any answers but be assured that I have placed you both in my prayers.


#15

This is alarming and wrong. Something isn’t right here… You both should be getting marriage counseling.


#16

Thank you need prayers


#17

Ever hear of Catholic Teaching of the marital debt?

Catholic teaching in the Catechism states:
It is a mortal sin for either spouse to refuse to be intimate with the other, unless they have grave reasons to refuse.

Some legitimate Grave reasons for refusing:
-financial: avoiding pregnancy because finances cannot afford another child currently,
-health: one spouse is ill,


#18

She won’t seek help. I have … but again it does me no good as I still come home to a sexless marriage. We do spend time together …but not sexual time


#19

She doesn’t believe it’s a sin. No matter where it’s written. She is a religious lady. Just says sex is for young people and not adults that are married


#20

Show her where it is written in the Catechism.

Also: organise marriage counselling with her priest.

Fact: for her to refuse the marital debt to her husband, without grave reasons, the church states is a mortal sin if done deliberately, freely, with full knowledge.

If it is 3 years of a mortal sin with the above conditions; she could be forfeiting Heaven through her neglect of her duties towards you her spouse, in the marital debt.


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