Sexless Marriage?

Is there any grounds for divorce if one spouse has to suffer in a sexless marriage if the other spouse refuses to offer it or even get help for it? I have posted the same subject here years ago and it has only gotten worse.

Why don’t you go talk to your pastor?

I did. One Priest said I should remain chased. The other said to pray for my W because she is no upholding the sacrament of marriage. My W is not a Catholic and wouldn’t dare let me mention it to her pastor.

As I understand, You are the husband and she is the wife? So, it is obviously not a case of impotence…

Has there been no sex ever? If there was none, the marriage is non-consumated, so this canon might apply:

Can. 1142 For a just cause, the Roman Pontiff can dissolve a non-consummated marriage between baptized persons or between a baptized party and a non-baptized party at the request of both parties or of one of them, even if the other party is unwilling.

But if the marriage was consumated, then other considerations might be important. Is Your wife baptised? Did You get married when You were Catholic? Did You get permission for the marriage? Etc.

Why would you come here to ask strangers after you already talked to 2 priests? I remember some of your previous threads. No one here can answer your question for you. You can go back to your priest and ask him what you asked us.

But here is a question for you. I am not asking for you to answer on this thread, just for yourself.

Do you love your wife? Do you love her enough to remain in the marriage were she to become incapacitated? If you truly love your wife, you would. So how is your situation any different? You cannot force her to do something she doesn’t want to do. Do you love her enough to remain in a sexless marriage? If you answer no, it would sound like it is all about sex then. There is more to a marriage than marital relations. And so, there is more going on here than the lack of them. Perhaps there are areas that you and she need to get counseling on, together or for yourself.

I think you can divorce for less than that, but I think you want to know if you qualify for an annulment.

Is there any grounds for divorce if one spouse has to suffer in a sexless marriage if the other spouse refuses to offer it or even get help for it? I have posted the same subject here years ago and it has only gotten worse.

Before you put the cart before the horse, I would recommend that you seek counseling from your Catholic priest. If the priest is unavailable, schedule an appointment with a similarly minded Catholic marriage counselor.

If your wife is unwilling to attend, go yourself for your own betterment. These are difficult decisions, and a counselor can assist you in weighing your options. If young children are involved, this is especially important to seek counseling first before even considering divorce or an annulment.

Why would you come here to ask strangers after you already talked to 2 priests? I remember some of your previous threads. No one here can answer your question for you. You can go back to your priest and ask him what you asked us.

Please, let’s show some compassion. This is clearly a difficult situation for the original poster.

There is nothing I said that was without compassion. Look at his previous threads before you judge my words.

Yes. I remember this poster. Some may not know the history.

I concur that this is a multi-level, complex marital situation with problems that go back many years.

I am wondering why the spiritual counsel with your priest has not included the fact that you are not validly married in the Church. Nor are you in a position to convalidate given your marriage troubles.

Have you brought this to your priest as part of the discussion? (rhetorical question)

We can’t give legal advice on here, but I’ve heard of people getting a divorce for far less. As to your state in the Church, you need to ask your priest and tell him all your history. He can advise you.

In most, if not all, states, you can get a divorce for any reason whatsoever. Any spouse can legally abandon the other at any time. The spiritual (and financial) implications of that, however, are not as simple, and I will tell you that divorce is not a solution to anything.

This is such a bad comparison. Not having the ability to be intimate is completely different than having the ability, commiting yourself to a lifelong sexual relationship (which marriage is), and choosing not to fulfill those vows knowing that it will make your spouse feel hurt, rejected, and unloved.

If he came on here complaining that his wife was unfaithful, you wouldn’t tell him that her choice to have an affair is no different than her being raped on her way home from work. One of those is an intentional betrayal that involves choice, the other is a tragic situation that the spouses need to work through together.

My advice, since this has been going on for years and she won’t seek help, is to separate. If she doesn’t want to be married, let her find out what living without her husband is like. I’m not saying divorce, but I am suggesting that she be forced to choose between being alone and being a wife.

I am so sorry for your struggles OP, I can’t imagine how heartbreaking this situation must be.

I must say, I agree with this. If a wife wants all the benefits of marriage with none of the responsibilities, then what kind of marriage is that? If it were any other condition, and she refused to get help, would people be dismissing it out of hand? Telling a spouse basically to just “suck it up and drive on” is not help, and in some cases, perhaps even this one, that’s not even a fair answer.

Let’s be honest about what our faith teaches us. Telling someone to pray does not mean that nothing else is required to be done.

“If a brother or sister has nothing to wear and has no food for the day,and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, keep warm, and eat well,’ but you do not give them the necessities of the body, what good is it?”

~James 2:15-16~

  1. Well, we can’t provide the OP marital relations with his wife.

  2. Do we know that the OP’s wife is carrying none of the responsibilities of marriage? If I’m remembering correctly, the OP’s employment and mental health record are somewhat spotty. Also, Mainbrain, are you the poster with the autistic child?

If all that stuff (or even half of it) is as I remember, the OP’s wife is carrying a pretty heavy load at home already.

I don’t even know why you made this comment. You are right, I wouldn’t tell him this. No one would. It has nothing at all to do with what I said either.

We are not here to make judgements on what kind of marriage the OP has. Nor do we know the particulars of why things are the way they are for his wife.

So, I’m sorry. I assumed from all of the many threads the OP made that he wanted to remain married. Do carry on and advise the OP what to do based on his sex life.

Yes, it absolutely does. His wife is neglecting one of the obligations of marriage (sex is one of several obligations spouses have to each other). And in response, you told him that if he isn’t willing to live like this, be doesn’t love his wife. You went so far as to compare her choice to neglect her husband to a medical condition that would not allow for sex. That’s exactly like comparing adultery by choice to rape.

Someone who cannot have sex can’t have sex. That’s just a medical fact. But someone who chooses to neglect their spouse for years, knowing full well what that does to their partner, is a monster.

Based on previous posting history, I think we have reason to think that the absence of sex is not the only bad thing in this couple’s marriage and home life.

The OP should talk to his priest, seek regular counseling for himself and seek all other appropriate means of support.

+1

I have no doubt that there are other issues here, but the rest weren’t posted. Given that this has been going on for years, his choices are sticking with the status quo (and at this point I’m skeptical that counseling is going to make a difference), or doing something that really gets her attention. I’m not saying to get a lawyer and find a girlfriend. I’m saying he should move out, at least temporarily and let her know it is because it’s just too painful to live in constant rejection. Maybe seeing just how badly this is hurting him will at least make her more willing to try to work on their problems. And if it doesn’t, he’ll finally have real confirmation of whether or not she even cares for him.

This is just the other side of the adultery coin. As painful as it would be to have a husband who sleeps around, it would be just as painful to have a husband who refuses to have sex or engage in physical intimacy. That’s a soul crusher.

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