I have been posting for prayer intentions and also emailing my ex husband, who would be paying for the personal boarding care home if I go. As the day winds down I have come to the core of the problem here.
My mother and father perpetuate the incident of sexual abuse that occurred when I was 17. My father did it, my mother is an accessory. My psychologist gave me a book about adult survivors of sexual abuse in childhood and while I did not experiences gross physical abuse the psychological abuse was classic. They continue to play it out now, the humiliation and the mental cat and mouse.
This is what people saw, I realize now, when they told me not to stay here when i first came here. The draw is the cats. They are my son’s, I love them, and I don’t want to abandon them here. My son had to leave them to go to rehab. I also don’t want to leave this place empty for my son to return. MY son and my mother would not permit me to take the cats with me or put them in another home. He is their legal owner. He listens to my mother.
Praying to St. Francis for a break in this situation. That there is somewhere for me to go but that the cats will be safe and my son won’t return here.