Sexual Activity - Mortal Sin?


#1

** Explicit Content Warning **

Hi,

My wife and I recently converted, and we’re mostly abstaining until we can begin NFP. During this period, we’ve engaged a number of times in oral sex, and a couple weeks ago I climaxed during one such instance. I confessed, but, recently I let myself climax again during another occasion. Am I correct in understanding that I am indeed then in a state of mortal sin and in needing of reconciliation again then putting this behavior to end ? I got a mixed message the first time I confessed, essentially that it wasn’t entirely my fault, hence my confusion.


#2

Well, the first time, if you were overwhelmed and couldn’t finish where you should, and you confessed, then you are okay.

The second time, if you didn’t finish where you should, meaning you obstruct the creation of life, and you did it on purpose, then it is a sin, too. But in order for it to be a mortal sin, you have to understand that it is a mortal sin and be fully consenting. Basically, foreplay is fine, but it needs to find completion where it is supposed to be completed.


#3

I second #2. To add, my understanding of Catholic teaching is that, any form of carnal pleasure outside sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is a grave matter. Mortal sin requires full knowledge and consent.

CCC 1857:

For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent

Only you can tell if what you did is a mortal sin.


#4

From my understanding oral sex is allowed for foreplay, but a man is not allowed to climax. The woman on the other hand is allowed to receive oral sex and climax due to her inability to "spill her seed."


#5

My understanding is that sex is for procreation and unitive. Foreplay should end up in sexual intercourse. Oral sex seems to be a selfish act and falls short of procreation.


#6

[quote="kelvinf, post:5, topic:197659"]
My understanding is that sex is for procreation and unitive. Foreplay should end up in sexual intercourse. Oral sex seems to be a selfish act and falls short of procreation.

[/quote]

The NFP teacher we had said some women find it easier to climax with oral stimulation vs sex. The sex must end with the man climaxing inside the woman though.


#7

I would have thought it would be ok for a man to climax, as long as oral sex is not used as as a replacement for intercourse and is limited to foreplay?


#8

If a man is is climaxing then it has gone beyond foreplay. If it was a one time accident that is one thing. Probably not a mortal sin. But when you are aware that you are going to have a difficult time stopping because of previously having a problem then it shouldn’t be engaged in. Also , oral sex should not be occurring without the intent for intercourse.


#9

Yes, that is true that some women climax more easily with more direct stimulation however it is a goal that is worth pursuing for the couple to climax together during intercourse. This is a more complete sign of the covenant.

See Love and Responsibility for further discussion on that.


#10

[quote="Seatuck, post:9, topic:197659"]
Yes, that is true that some women climax more easily with more direct stimulation however it is a goal that is worth pursuing for the couple to climax together during intercourse. This is a more complete sign of the covenant.

See Love and Responsibility for further discussion on that.

[/quote]

Women are capable of multiple orgasms and from what I understand they feel different. While she does climax prior to sexual intercourse, she again climaxes during intercourse. From what our NFP instructor told us, it is not a mortal sin for her to orgasm prior to intercourse as it would be for a man.


#11

[quote="JBCatholicRN, post:10, topic:197659"]
Women are capable of multiple orgasms and from what I understand they feel different. While she does climax prior to sexual intercourse, she again climaxes during intercourse. From what our NFP instructor told us, it is not a mortal sin for her to orgasm prior to intercourse as it would be for a man.

[/quote]

That is true . A woman may climax after intercourse as well without it being a mortal sin according to many moral theologians. As long as it is in the context of a marital act of intercourse. But as I said, it is a more complete sign of the covenant, according to John Paul 2 when the spouses climax together.. He wrote about this in his book Love and Responsibility written quite some time ago while he was still a Cardinal.


#12

So basically a woman may receive oral sex anytime?


#13

[quote="JBCatholicRN, post:12, topic:197659"]
So basically a woman may receive oral sex anytime?

[/quote]

Yes! Thanks be to God!:thumbsup:


#14

[quote="bnbkaine, post:13, topic:197659"]
Yes! Thanks be to God!:thumbsup:

[/quote]

:D


#15

If and only if it ends up in genital sex.


#16

[quote="kelvinf, post:15, topic:197659"]
If and only if it ends up in genital sex.

[/quote]

They are allowed to climax before and after intercourse though, from what I understand. As long as the man climaxes inside the woman all is well.


#17

If he climaxes inside the woman, then that is part of sexual intercourse. Or what do you mean by after intercourse?


#18

[quote="kelvinf, post:17, topic:197659"]
If he climaxes inside the woman, then that is part of sexual intercourse. Or what do you mean by after intercourse?

[/quote]

After the man climaxes he is allowed to pleasure the woman orally until she climaxes.


#19

[quote="JBCatholicRN, post:18, topic:197659"]
After the man climaxes he is allowed to pleasure the woman orally until she climaxes.

[/quote]

It's not objectively wrong if the wife achieves climax as a result of oral stimulation, *so long as it's within the context of a completed act of intercourse*.
Christopher West


#20

I think it is important for people understand the biological reasoning for a woman's orgasm - yes there is one. A woman's orgasm causes contractions that move the cillia within the canals that move sperm up the canal increasing the chance of pregnancy. Therefore, the more the woman enjoys sex the greater her fertility, all other things being equal. :D And by the way no offense intended here. Therefore it is important to the unitive and procreative spirit that both spouses climax.


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