sexual question


#1

how long after marriage is a good estimate of time it should take for the wife to reach her first orgasm? This couple has been intimate many times before marriage and the wife has felt guilty each time. Now they are married but like since they been together 5 years now…its more about the same. She feels free and is much more open and initiatives a lot. The man doesn’t have much energy or stamina or is still clueless haha. what can she do to loosen up especially since it is wrong for her to masturbate. which is what secular forums say to do. or buy a vibrator.


#2

Has she seen a doctor? There may be a hormonal imbalance involved...


#3

everyone is different, so asking for a time frame is not practical.

most, if not all, secular techniques (toys, oral sex, even masturbation) are perfectly legitimate in a catholic marriage as long as the act is both unitive and procreative. just make sure that there's not a medical reason first.

in order for an act to be procreative, the husband's semen needs to end up in the wife's vagina. not that difficult to understand.

it is the unitive part that is important to understand here. if the wife is not sexually satisfied, then she is likely frustrated, which impedes marriage unity. bringing her to orgasm is nearly as important as getting the husband to orgasm. (besides, the wife's orgasm increases the likelihood of pregnancy, so it is an important part of both the unitive and procreative aspects that must be fulfilled.) but it also needs to be respectful. it has to be something that brings both spouses together and helps their marriage to grow. obviously, what helps one marriage may or may not help another one, but the basic concept is the same: the wife needs to take the initiative. she needs to help her husband understand what makes her feel good and what doesn't.


#4

I think this all boils down to a communication issue between them. They should bring it up to a counsellor.


#5

Well, everyone is different and to know for sure, they should ask a doctor. A little statistic that may help is that 70% of women cannot reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone and need some clitoral and/or g-spot stimulation. This may involve oral sex or manual stimulation (and some research about the locations of those two body parts). If they want to follow Church teaching they need to make sure it is unitive and procreative (the man must reach orgasm in the vagina), but it doesn't matter if that is before or after the male comes to orgasm. A woman shouldn't have to go without reaching orgasm in marriage that long. They need to communicate and work on solving the problem.


#6

[quote="coffee3005, post:1, topic:300398"]
how long after marriage is a good estimate of time it should take for the wife to reach her first orgasm? This couple has been intimate many times before marriage and the wife has felt guilty each time. Now they are married but like since they been together 5 years now...its more about the same. She feels free and is much more open and initiatives a lot. The man doesn't have much energy or stamina or is still clueless haha. what can she do to loosen up especially since it is wrong for her to masturbate. which is what secular forums say to do. or buy a vibrator.

[/quote]

In the context of marital act:

Her husband has the moral obligation to do his best for giving her the conjugal sexual pleasures and the three types of orgasms of the female. That is of his responsability. He has to discuss with her wife about her sexual desires, her sexual needs. They have to find their Holy conjugal Erotism: Romance, nonsexual preliminaries, sexual preliminaries (foreplay, afterplay)....etc (before, during and after the union of bodies). He has to try with her, some things in the human fashion. He has to be very tender with her, but also take initiative (be a male, the manhood and the virility). He has to visit a doctor for getting more energy and stamina.

She has to say him what she wants and needs...etc. Free communication is very important on this issue. She has to visit a doctor for seeing if she is okay on this intimate topic. She has to pray God for having a conjugal sexual harmony. She need, with her husband, to do a list of intimate acts that according to them are wrong or okay in the context of marital act and to try (they have to respect the natural moral law).

*Everything in respecting the natural moral law. *


#7

[quote="TrixieMcGee, post:5, topic:300398"]
Well, everyone is different and to know for sure, they should ask a doctor. A little statistic that may help is that 70% of women cannot reach orgasm through vaginal penetration alone and need some clitoral and/or g-spot stimulation. This may involve oral sex or manual stimulation (and some research about the locations of those two body parts). If they want to follow Church teaching they need to make sure it is unitive and procreative (the man must reach orgasm in the vagina), but it doesn't matter if that is before or after the male comes to orgasm. A woman shouldn't have to go without reaching orgasm in marriage that long. They need to communicate and work on solving the problem.

[/quote]

Very well said and of Catholic teaching. Please go to the Church and whoever is in charge or Marriage Counseling and they can help you best. May God Bless You. I will pray a Rosary for you.


#8

Thanks for asking this question. I'm going to take the advice given here. If it is a hormonal imbalance in the woman, what dr. is best to go to? obgyn? or endocrinologist? or first just the pcp for a referral I guess huh. I've just suffered a blighted ovum miscarriage so maybe there's something not right idk :(

I know that I definitely need to pray more and maybe he does too since I never notice him praying. We definitely need to pray together.

Sometimes I wonder if it is really necessary for me to ever reach orgasm. I obviously can get pregnant without it and I enjoy sex enough. haha but then after the act he sleeps and I'm like lalala and go online. mostly facebook or here lol. or I think about what I need to clean or do etc. I'm a mama now I feel old and boring haha


#9

[quote="bunnykisses88, post:8, topic:300398"]
Thanks for asking this question. I'm going to take the advice given here. If it is a hormonal imbalance in the woman, what dr. is best to go to? obgyn? or endocrinologist? or first just the pcp for a referral I guess huh. I've just suffered a blighted ovum miscarriage so maybe there's something not right idk :(

I know that I definitely need to pray more and maybe he does too since I never notice him praying. We definitely need to pray together.

Sometimes I wonder if it is really necessary for me to ever reach orgasm. I obviously can get pregnant without it and I enjoy sex enough. haha but then after the act he sleeps and I'm like lalala and go online. mostly facebook or here lol. or I think about what I need to clean or do etc. I'm a mama now I feel old and boring haha

[/quote]

Hi bunnykisses,
I am sorry about the lack of satisfaction you are experiencing. The fact that you are not able to fall asleep peacefully after lovemaking, but have a busy mind and need to occupy it with facebook and such is a strong clue that you have sexual energy built up but with no release. It is very important for you to talk to your husband about this. Prayer does help, and has helped me with some sexual dysfunction in the past. But compassionate communication with your husband is a must-do. Don't give up on yourself. Your satisfaction matters. Ask your husband to learn how to help you. There are ways of caressing and touching you that could really help you to reach that climax. But you need to make that a priority. Try to relax with your husband, and allow him to explore your body a bit and pay very close attention to what feels good and communicate through the whole experience. Don't just rush through the foreplay into coitus itself. You won't be ready and it will be over too fast for you to even get close. It may take several weeks or months or even longer, but it is fun trying. Just don't feel like it is a goal you must accomplish. Think of it more like an experience you long to share, and that you are working toward together.
I am sorry if that is too explicit or personal. I mean to help. :o


#10

Have they had a frank discussion? Is she telling her husband what she likes and doesn’t like? Are they having “appetizers” or just jumping straight into the “main course” without the “soup and salad” first? Is she overly focused on an orgasm as the end all, be all of the marital act? (I ask that last one because sometimes alleviating the pressure that one NEEDS to have an orgasm can allow a person to relax a little more).

There are so many aspects of what a potential solution might be, but the very first thing is that there needs to be an open dialogue between the spouses.


#11

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