I hope this doesn’t break any website rules. I saw other similar questions posted so I thought it was okay. I’ll try and be as tactful as possible, but I have some sexual questions that my husband and I don’t know the answers to. We are really close with our priest, which makes it even more uncomfortable to go to him with.
I know that (self) masturbation in marriage is wrong. I know that sexual acts are supposed to remain “open to life” in order to not be sinful. However, we are struggling to understand why we cannot use oral sex or spousal masturbation during times in which the woman (me) is infertile and would not be able to get pregnant, or is already pregnant.
I’ve never heard anyone say couples cannot have sex during pregnancy. Obviously, a woman cannot conceive while pregnant, so it seems that the definition of “open to life” has some exceptions. If every sex act had to have the possibility of becoming pregnant, then it would seem that everyone should abstain during pregnancy and the entire time of lactational amenorrhea.
Since I’ve been pregnant or nursing for 5 consecutive years (and experiencing large times of lactational amenhorrea) I’ve only had 19 fertile cycles in 6 years of marriage. That would be a lot of abstaining, if I could only have sex when it was possible to get pregnant.
It seems to me, I’m still making a gift of my body to my husband. We both enjoy it and get satisfaction out of it. In times when I can’t get pregnant anyway, I guess I don’t fully understand why we can’t.
I hear a lot of “No, it’s a sin” but not a really good explanation that addresses my question. Obviously we are called to obey even when we don’t understand, but some understanding would be nice. What I read in the CCC seems to only address it’s wrong because the couple is avoiding pregnancy, which obviously doesn’t apply when pregnant or in lactational amenhorrea. We aren’t doing anything to intentionally avoid pregnancy. In particular, the part of the CCC that addresses masturbation also seems to be referring to masturbation OUTSIDE the marriage, so not performed by the spouse, so that doesn’t really help for my questions either.
Any help appreciated.