I am 23, graduating college in May. Cradle Catholic. Uneducated in much about our religion by my parents, though they practice Catholicism. Deluded and naive early in my teen years, educated briefly in sexual matters, but not in morality or in terms of the Church very well.
Now comes the issues:
- I was a pathological liar/thief from childhood after recognizing the benefit (in my eyes as an 8-year old) from lying/embellishing
- I found myself masturbating in my early teens, perhaps in blissful ignorance of the truth of the severity and longevity of those sexual sins.
- It’s still a problem today, and actually porn is not the issue, and somewhere psychologically there is probably an element of addiction, although I don’t know how “engrained” it is.
As for all the lying, that is basically resolved. I lied to my fiancee back when we were dating about the stuff I was hiding and some painful infiedlity also. A deluded and perhaps a bit deranged in my first couple college years, progress would be an understatement to where I am now. I fessed up to her completely with lots of icky details a few years ago, and she hung on to let me try to change, and I have been changing… but here I am stuck again at a sort of plateau. The lying and all that is gone, as well as the infidelity (and some alcohol use that was with it), but I’m REALLY struggling to gain much ground on the sexuality stuff on my own and within my relationship with Future Wife.
I may already know some of the answers, but I suppose I’m posting here to get my feet wet and listen for good advice.
What I have so far is:
- Stop laying down together on a bed EVER when in private.
- Remember the severity of the actions, chastity will help lead to a successful marriage that lasts forever, including abstinence issues during NFP, post birth, and at other random times
- Actually treat the sins as mortal sins, instead of feigning ignorance and allowing them to “count” as venial in my mind.
- Reopen communication with my fiancee about the masturbation problems – and that they aren’t improving.