Shame on our parish


Without going too much into the situation, there was a horrible assumption about my husband and others made at the church we were considering joining in our new area (not considering that anymore btw). I don’t want to go too into it because it is beyond humilitating, but I will say this has to do with racism. and whoever is responsible for this is spreading these lies they were saying to anyone and everyone that will listen at parish council meatings and telling children in the church so that they are - if you can believe it - scared to go to church now. It actually has gotten much worse than that now, but I don’t want to get into it anymore than that.

My husband and I just got back from burrying my FIL and my husband being a strong catholic wanted of course to go offer prayers for his father’s soul and his friends who are not of the same religion wanted to come as support - that’s when all this started and some people who “didn’t know them” started getting everyone worked up about these guys they didn’t know in “THEIR” church.

I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought we as catholics are supposed to welcome people to our churches, not shame them for being a certain color. Even our mass books have an insert welcoming all visitors to the church.

I can’t even say how angry I am about this, and my husband now officially wants to start attending a non-denominational church now. I don’t know what to do.


I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. The only advice I can give is to go to the pastor of that church and tell him how you are feeling. I would hope he would be able to make you feel welcome. Please don’t let a few narrow minded people keep you from your faith. If the pastor of that church can not make you welcome, find another church in the area.
Having and observing your faith should be so easy and come so naturally, but sometimes it just doesn’t.


I agree. Go to your pastor. He needs to know what is going on because it is his job to address these things. Bigotry and prejudice against others is not acceptable in the Catholic church. If he is not helpful, shake the dust from your shoes and go to a different parish. But don’t leave the Catholic church. You and your loved ones have as much right to worship in a Catholic church as anyone else.


I will work up my nerve and talk to the pastor. We didn’t even hear of this until yesterday and this happened last weekend.

Thank you again, and this really needs to be resolved, as the children being too scared to go to church is my main concern.


Big hugs!

My husband has had people make the same assumptions, once he had a flat tire and was walking to get some fix-a-flat. Some rednecks drove by shouting ugly names at him. People have assumed he is something exotic all of his life - he is just plain ole middle-American.

Even if both of our husbands were middle eastern, that does not matter. They are both men of God who want a place to pray and worship.

You really need to make an appointment with the Pastor. Unless you are speaking of a very small Parish, chances are this is just a few ignorant people who want to feel important by creating a stir. The Pastor does know how to deal with those things.

The same people would most likely look crossways at my best friend because she is black or at my son because he has long hair or me because I have dwarfism. Heck, I get rude comments and gawks every time I set foot outside the door!

Your husband, my husband, my best friend, my son and I all get to take seriously the admonition to “bear wrongs patiently”. My advice, meet with the Pastor AND get involved with the Parish. Become ushers, both you and your husband, then you get to meet every person at Mass :slight_smile: If you ignore ignorance, it will flourish and grow. What happens if a Middle Eastern Catholic family, or my family, moves into your community - you have a chance right now to make sure that they have a parish to welcome them.

Praying for you!


I agree with SeekerJen, go to the pastor, if you hit a wall there (hopefully you wont), maybe you could go up the ladder to the Bishop or some one from your Archdiocese (just so they are aware of situation). That would be up to you of course.

This kind of treatment is not acceptable and should not be tolerated in any Catholic parish. Our church should be a place to welcome all and invite all to join. That makes me really angry/sad that your family and friends were treated like that.

Other option to join another Catholic church in your area sounded good too, I bet you would have totally different (better) experience.

Let your husband and children know that not all people (thank God) feel the same way as those that mistreat others. We’re with you!


The bigger issue is that your husband is allowing a small handful of people to keep him away from the Lord Jesus Christ present in the Eucharist. No matter how good he feels at a non-denominational church, he can’t get the Body and Blood of Our Lord there, and you need to make that reality present to him. Read John 6. Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

You have to find a way to keep your husband in the church first, then you can deal with the problems at that parish. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?


Well, I talked to the pastor, and he was relieved I talked to him only so that he could calm down those certain individuals. What he said was that he told everyone there is most likely an explanation for this and people even came forward saying these guys looked nice, were saying prayers and one came for communion (my husband) and those people said to the priest - does that sound like someone bad to you?!?!?!

Also, the assistant priest told me he believed these persons were stirring up trouble maybe for their own advantage because they wanted to somehow switch this over to something to do with a staff member they do not like - I don’t know how they did that, but they turned it around somehow onto someone else.

The priest said he is going to mention it during the mass so people can not worry. I really hope those stirring the trouble up feel a little ashamed of themselves and what they turned this into. I still haven’t decided if I will go and listen for what he says or not.

He also said he will call and write something to my husband about this.

Thanks for listening and for the advice everyone!

I will think if we want to keep going to this church. If not, I have another one in mind (and it’s Catholic :wink: )


Great news! Thanks for letting us know what happened…I bet something good will come out of this. Sounds like the Priests are pretty decent. They get put in all kinds of weird situations, glad you spoke to them.


I am glad things have been worked out and that you went and talked to the priest.

My only other advice is:

Do not let the sins of others seperate you from your faith.



I can really understand your husband's anger, but "non-denominational" doesn't mean "non-judgemental".  There are racists everywhere.  Is there another Catholic parish you could try that's not too far from your house?



Good point!


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