Should a Potential Spouse's Eating habits matter?


#1

Should a potential spouse’s eating habits matter?

I know this is a bit of an odd question. Let me ask this another way.

If the person you were seeing would only eat expensive foods, unhealthy foods, or had some other extreme dietary “requirements” would you consider them OK spousal material? Would you consider how this might influence any children you eventually have?


#2

Well maybe not eating habits per say…but if he had a lot of health problems that went along with the special diets I would think about how that would affect and perhaps be passed to our children. Now, if he was a fiancee I would probably already have weighed my decision and come to the realization that it would not prevent me from loving him or our children.


#3

Hmm I suppose I would want my future spouse in your situation to at least be open to eating healthy.

I have a friend at work and he hates any “ethnic foods” like Chinese, Indian or Vietnamese. He won’t eat seafood, and he is basically just really picky. He brings us down as a group when we try to find a place to eat out. I also find that type of taste really boring, but aside from that, he is a really fun guy to be around. Not sure if I could date or be married to someone who is so darned picky about where we eat out. I’d be bored with eating at TGIF’s all the time for example :wink:

Food habits can change (where a person generally cannot be changed). When I met DH, I think I ate tuna, crackers, yogurt and the occasional fruit or veg. I have changed a lot since then.


#4

If he smacks his food ----- get his mom to smack him:D


#5

I thinhk you have to be more specific. Is it a health issue or taste in food? Either way that is such a small part of what makes up a person I wouldn’t allow it to affect your feelings for the person.


#6

[quote="SMHW, post:1, topic:187726"]
Should a potential spouse's eating habits matter?

I know this is a bit of an odd question. Let me ask this another way.

If the person you were seeing would only eat expensive foods, unhealthy foods, or had some other extreme dietary "requirements" would you consider them OK spousal material? Would you consider how this might influence any children you eventually have?

[/quote]

I don't know that it would necessarily be a deal-breaker, but if it's important to you to eat healthy, or if keeping the grocery budget under control is a major issue for you, then yes, it matters, and you need at least to have a talk with the person about their expectations, and communicate your own expectations. Just approach it as kind of, "you know, when I was growing up something I admired about my Mom was that she was able to feed all twelve of us for less than a hundred bucks a week - that really helped my Dad because he wasn't under so much pressure to do overtime every day just to get the groceries." Or, "I really like those restaurants that serve the 100-mile meals, because the food is so much fresher and tastier. It's probably also way more healthy than regular food that's been sitting in a plastic bag for a week or more in transit."


#7

[quote="SMHW, post:1, topic:187726"]
Should a potential spouse's eating habits matter?

I know this is a bit of an odd question. Let me ask this another way.

If the person you were seeing would only eat expensive foods, unhealthy foods, or had some other extreme dietary "requirements" would you consider them OK spousal material? Would you consider how this might influence any children you eventually have?

[/quote]

Only expensive food? That'd be pretty weird, but if there was a legitimate dietary reason I wouldn't be concerned.
Only unhealthy food? That'd be hard to justify. I can't think of a good reason to insist on only unhealthy food.

Extreme dietary requirements? Again, what's the reason? My sister has Celiac disease, so she can't eat a ton of foods out there, but it's not her fault. But if a person said "I'm only eating Doritos for the rest of my life", I'd wonder about his/her mental health/capacity. :(


#8

If its bothersome enough that it has become a red flag for the other person in the relationship, than it needs to be discussed before the relationship becomes more serious. It may have nothing to do with the eating habits of a potential spouse but be masking as a real difference in fundamental values between the two people in the relationship. Sounds like its time for a serious conversation between the two people involved.


#9

Hi,

Would only eat expensive foods – Are we talking here steak, lobster, or high end culinary; or is it just organic at a trendy grocery store. The last one could be justified, if the person has a medical condition that requires very healthy foods. If the condition is hereditary and carries significant risks of birth defects and if this person is not pro-life, cut you loses now when less is at stake.

Extreme dietary – Vegan or fruitarian, is it health driven or new age life style.

I would say food is secondary, do you match up on faith values. Get that one squared away before anything else.

God bless,


#10

I’m curious what this person’s actual eating habits are. They would have to be pretty severe for it to matter to me. If they only eat expensive foods but cannot afford them and run up credit card bills to eat them, I would worry, but if they have a good job then I don’t see the problem.

If they only eat unhealthy foods I would worry that they’d get fat and die early.


#11

The most deadly thing to a marriage relationship is bickering [unless everyone enjoys bickering].

Why would anyone want to be with someone who puts so much emphasis on such a mundane daily activity. How much time and energy and drama would you want to put into something as ordinary as eating three or four times a day.

Do you want to engage in passionate and detailed discussion every time you eat?


#12

[quote="SMHW, post:1, topic:187726"]
Should a potential spouse's eating habits matter?

I know this is a bit of an odd question. Let me ask this another way.

If the person you were seeing would only eat expensive foods, unhealthy foods, or had some other extreme dietary "requirements" would you consider them OK spousal material? Would you consider how this might influence any children you eventually have?

[/quote]

If it matters to you, it matters.

No one can form your "must have" and "dealbreaker" list for you. It is personal, as unique as each person. What matters to one person may not to another. Smoking, drinking, level of activity/exercise, eating habits, cleanliness, how money is spent/saved, career aspirations, and on and on.

There is nothing wrong with knowing what your limits are and setting appropriate boundaries. No one should feel bad about ceasing a relationship when a deal breaker is encountered.

If you can't live with it for the next 50 years, then it's a deal breaker for YOU.


#13

Yes, they should matter. But let’s remember that not everything matters equally. Don’t place impossibly high standards because no one will meet every one of your needs.

I’m not saying you do! Just a warning! :wink:


#14

Really it would just depend on the severity and the reason behind it. Like, if they had a sort of eating disorder and were in denial about it, which would likely indicate a personality with other obsessive/neurotic traits, then it might give me pause.

Otherwise, these other things you’re mentioning just sound like taste issues. Which can change and come and go all the time. I’ve gone through so many phases, like where I was obsessed with Mexican food, or for a couple years when I decided I was vegetarian and only wanted to eat organic food (which is expensive) or…you know, they’re just phases most of the time. No way would it cause me to worry about any future children we’re going to have.


#15

I think it’s like any compatibility issues between two people… either you get along or you don’t. I don’t really see any morality issues (on the surface) with the “eating habits” you mentioned.
Some people have better genes than others… where eating unhealthy foods could become an easy health issue (vs some seem to be able to eat junk and have no issues)… others have worse genes, where expensive, organic-only, healthy-nut stuff may be a requirement. Or, it could be an OCD-thing where they HAVE to have all that organic healthy stuff, just because… that would drive me insane, LOL!

So, yeah - eating habits can definitely matter… but just like any compatibility issue can. I wouldn’t be attracted to someone blasting country music… but that’s just me. :wink: :smiley:


#16

Yes, eating habits should be examined. I don’t know if I could marry someone who chews with his mouth open or wipes his hands on the tablecloth. If he put the knife back in the butter with toast crumbs, I’d be OK. If he licked the steak sauce off his knife, I don’t know.:stuck_out_tongue:

I did marry a picky eater, and he now eats a wider variety of foods that I like. That’s because I keep cooking and serving them so he’s gotten used to them. And he eats some things that I don’t like.

Sometimes having kids expands people’s diets. They want their kids to try new things, so they have to set an example.


#17

Im a somewhat picky eater. A like the vast majority of foods but I do not like mixing certain things together. I wouldnt hold eating habits against them as long as they ate in a normal and healthy manner and could set a good example eating wise. If she was gorging on food or gaining weight rapidly at an already high weight, I would at that point need to end any relationship for her own good so she can deal with her health issues.


#18

I think it should matter. If the other person only eats junk food, then you would be stuck to a lifetime of eating junk food with them or making two meals and having all of your efforts in cooking something nice and healthy go unappreciated. I would seriously hate that since I love to cook and have a preference for healthy food. Also, a bad diet can lead to serious consequences later in life, and you would share in the consequences of their poor decisions. Not to mention that their eating habits would influence what any children born to the marriage would develop.

So glad my boyfriend and I are on the same page, although he is a few notches healthier in his preferences than I am. Still, I am totally open to cooking and eating the healthiest of foods with him.


#19

It's up to you. Will it work for you?

For example, if you have a spouse who insists on eating pizza every other night, are you going to be happy either eating alone those nights or eating pizza? That choice is a hard one to make, since not eating together can drive a wedge. You may end up eating the pizza, which will be hard on your body, if you don't have the pizza gene that lets you eat gobs of pizza with invincibility.


#20

I don't know about marriage, but I'll tell ya what would drive me up a wall!

I take food VERY seriously. Mediterranean dad, mom who loves to cook and puts pride in healthy, tasty food, it's hard not to!

What drives me crazy?

  1. Anyone who WASTES food would drive me crazy. I see it every day I work at a restaurant and it drives me BATTY. My dad didn't have much growing up, so he always said, "Take all you want, eat all you take." Not only that, but I do know people and have known others who struggled with hunger. This is what keeps us alive! Someone who just throws it away would probably make me think twice. Not to say I've never done it, but I've felt insanely guilty when I have done it.

  2. Anyone who's picky! Granted, I have an adventurous palate, but seriously! I want someone who's willing to have my seafood paella, my baked calamari, who's willing to try octopus with me. Due to the city I live in, the places I go to, I always eat a ton of ethnic foods. Favorites are Spanish, Italian (well, both in my ancestry ;-)), Ethiopian, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Portuguese, and French. And I LOVE seafood. Personally, I think picky eaters miss out.

  3. Anyone who doesn't take care of themselves. Not eating all whole wheat bread, all organic foods every second of every day is one thing. But eating McDonald's for every meal is another. Dude, body's a temple for the Spirit. You don't put trash in the temple!

  4. Anyone who forgot that, while we have so much, it's our duty to share with the hungry. For that, my pet peeve would be, someone who had a bad attitude toward the poor and refused to do something even as small as donate a can to a food pantry or work in a soup kitchen on a Saturday. Not someone who didn't have time or resources, that's one thing. Someone who didn't care or was unwilling.

  5. Anyone who forgot the spiritual dimensions. Not just praying over a meal, but realizing what it means. You experience a ton of intimacy with someone when you share a meal. Why is food such a defining characteristic of cultures? Why do social outings always involve food? Finally, why did Christ choose a meal to be the Most Blessed Sacrament of the Church?

Yeah, I guess you can say that those would be huge turnoffs for me. I guess it's because food isn't just about eating for me. There's a whole bunch of things there.


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