My non-Catholic married niece while working as a youth minister took up with another married youth minister. He moved in before she was divorced. A week after his divorce was final they announced that they were getting married. Should I attend the wedding?
Do you want to attend the wedding?
She committed adultery and now wants to attempt to marry the person with whom she had the affair. I cannot think of any reason that would justify going to such an event.
I think you already know the answer to that.
IMO, no, but pray for them. :gopray:
From my own humble position, I would counsel no. Any youth ministers should know better. Besides the sordid beginnings, such a marriage is invalid. I mean they are both breaking their vows to their still living spouses! And now just trying to solemnize that act. As a side note, whatever happened to “till death do us part?” Do people these days just not care? It might be tough but I would avoid the wedding if I were you. It certainly wouldn’t make them happy, but nobody likes to be made aware of their sin, even implicitly. Pray and be as kind as possible. Maybe one day they’ll see the error of their ways. Be strong and do what you got to do.
Certainly seems like a bad idea in many respects.
Do you love your niece? Then go to the wedding. There’s nothing to be gained by shunning her wedding. It just looks judgemental. Staying away from family and boycotting the festivities accomplishes zilch. We’ve all sinned. Go and take part in their happiness and worry about the plank in your own eye.
Ah! Wisdom at last!
Sometimes you just have to put your foot down, stand up for what is right and just say no. This situation is a travesty as while working with kids they set the worst possible example they could possibly set. Attending the wedding says you think it is OK and clearly you do not.
I take it this is either your sister or your brother’s child. What do they think of the matter? What is your relationship with your niece? Have you been active in their life, or are they more of an acquaintance?
What is your relationship with her parents (your sibling)?
Most of what this type of issue gets down to has to do with those relationships. If by not going you are going to burn some bridges, then you need to determine if those bridges are a loss or not. the issue of scandal comes up; and often one has to stop and ask “who is being scandalized” as we often presume scandal where there is none. It may, however, be an issue.
What is the likelihood that you will be able to have any impact on your niece, somewhere in the future (not what you might wish about, but what might be possible)?
These are all things to be weighed. There is another thread on the same issue currently; you might read what is there too. There are some cites to answers by an apologist in that thread.
:eek: :banghead: :bigyikes: :nope:
Catholic Answers Apologists recent discussion of attendance of invalid (hetro-sexual – homoesexual ‘weddings’ turns things up many notches further) wedding events:
Another general Catechism reference:
Really? I don’t see it looking judgmental. Do people who have affairs really expect that no one will have a problem with it? In my experience, the people who behave in such a way have had enough sense to realize that no one particularly wants to celebrate their union and have chosen to quietly elope instead. :shrug:
Your whole statement sounds pretty judgemental to me, my friend. I’m just saying, we don’t know all the details of the relationship with the couple. Maybe they both had very unhappy marriages, and finally found their “soul mate”. I vote for not making a statement about the situation and just go to the wedding and show love for the family. The greatest commandment is love, isn’t it? If they need judging, God will do it in His good time. Besides, this couple, they aren’t even Catholic, are they? They will never want to come into the fold if they perceive Catholics are looking down on them. And coming back to Rome would be good for this couple. So let the OP be an ambassador for the Church and not alienate them. Just my two cents!
Last time I checked, the Sixth Commandment is only five words long, and makes no exceptions for details or unhappy marriages or soul mates.
I’m not judging their souls. They could very easily make it to heaven ahead of me. Perhaps their consciences have not been properly formed and they possess invincible ignorance. Perhaps their are extenuating circumstances that minimize their personal culpability.
But I certainly can judge the action. Imagine if we could not judge actions. That would mean we would never be able to say that a particular act is wrong. Sorry, that’s not what Jesus is asking of us when He says not to judge.
Adultery is wrong. There’s no way it can be right. Their “soul mate” is the person they took a vow to be faithful to until death. That’s just what marriage is.
I have people close to me that have committed the same egregious sin. I still love them to pieces and I pray for them daily. But there is no way I would have gone to the wedding to “celebrate” with them. For starters, that would have been extremely disrespectful to the poor person (who I also love dearly) who was cheated on and put through a living nightmare for several years. Sure, it’s easy to think of celebrating if we just gloss over the pain, humiliation and total betrayal of the spouse who has been abandoned.
Also we must remember that approving another persons objectively gravely disordered act (culpability aside) is in reality acting contrary to the very friendship or family relationship. Truth and love go together. It would be contrary to love to act contrary to truth. It would be an act contrary to the very friendship.
Choosing of course the right means to relay ones love and friendship all along…(without approving in any way any objectively serious disorder…)
(now that being said – regarding the question of attending - I refer readers to the Catholic Answers Apologist’s answers above forums.catholic.com/showpost.php?p=10780387&postcount=12)
So, they were living in sin.
And now they are trying to rectify that?
I would go.
Why? Because I am very glad God doesn’t hold my sins against me.
They’re not rectifying anything. They are attempting to cloak their adultery under the veil of a “new marriage”. It doesn’t work that way.
How were they living in sin? Non-Catholics validly marry. Since they are both youth ministers, they might even be baptized non-Catholics which would make their marriages sacramental as well.
Two people abandoning their valid sacramental marriages in order to live together before their divorces are even finalized is not rectifying anything as far as I can see.
I’m sure there are more details to the story, but based on the OP, I cannot see how the facts presented could possibly be spun in a positive direction for the planned future nuptials.
EDIT: Sorry, I just realized I probably misread your post. When you bolded the word “non-Catholic”, I thought you meant to imply that they weren’t validly married to their previous spouses and were living in sin before any affair.
Now I’m guessing you mean that – as they are non-Catholic – Catholic teaching on marriage doesn’t apply to them and their attempt to marry each other would rectify their current situation of “living in sin”.
That is incorrect. The indissolubility of marriage is not a uniquely Catholic thing. It applies to all marriages, not just Catholic ones.