I’m having a bit of a rough time here and need some advice.
I’m 14. I was brought up Southern Baptist by my mom. (My dad’s not big for organized religion, though he goes to church with her and probably subscribes more than he knows.) I over the past year have, with A LOT of research and prayer, decided to become Catholic. Since we live right by a parish, it’s easy to attend each weekend. Ironically, the only days I’ve missed are Christmas and Easter (Christmas because I lost track of time and slept through, and Easter because I decided with a lot of pain to give this year to my mom), though I went to both the vigils. Anyway, my mom wants me to attend her church on Sundays as well as going to Mass. She’s not as opposed to it as when I first started going (I literally had to walk back then), but she still refuses to let me be confirmed. I reluctantly meet her request, but I find it to be difficult to be in that environment all things considered–and have even had close pastors tell me I need to go where my beliefs are held.
Needless to say, this is incredibly painful. We used to fight over the whole thing, but after a while, I realized that wasn’t right and so I closed my mouth. Things have gotten SO much better since then. I then felt caught between “honoring your father and mother” and honoring God. Now it’s more apparent that I need to honor God by following these convictions… I’m also in such a spiritual mess right now and honestly think the practice of regular sacramental confession would be an enormous benefit to me. I want the Eucharist, the grace and the strength Christ offers in the sacraments. To touch him, to let him touch me. Life has me confused now. But the Eucharist is one thing God has, for whatever reason, given me unfaltering faith in–it is my one certainty in this life, and it’s killing me not having it. Especially now that Easter Vigil is over and all my friends will soon be confirmed. (I go to CCD class but am not counted as being “in” the class according to my mother’s wishes.)
My friend Julian’s mother grew up in Communist Poland. As we discussed these things, she began to tell me that she had to receive the Eucharist secretly. “I was threatened–with things that would make any other sane person forget about wanting a part in the Faith. By my own parents, too. You have to take a stand for what you believe in,” she tells me with utter seriousness. I realize that many of the saints were in similar situations. I take comfort in that. But I think she’s right. My youth minister is trying to set me up with a sister that works in our parish (she heads RCIA) so something can be arranged. Likewise, my friend’s mother has suggested being confirmed without my mother’s knowing if necessary–though she says it would be best to tell her what I must do, invite her to be a part of it, and, if she refuses, do it anyway.
I’m attracted to this idea.
Next year I’ll be going to a great Catholic high school with my friends, too. I’m sure they’ll off Confirmation.
Right now, I don’t know what to do. Since there are a lot of converts here, and since almost all of you have a lot more wisdom in this area, I need some advice.
What am I to do?