Firstly, I’m new here, therefore sorry if it’s the wrong category.
Secondly, it will be a long question with explanations.
I have had special feelings to the priesthood and the liturgy in my whole life so far. As a little child, I “roleplayed” the celebration with a mass booklet before or after a mass. Later I became an altar server. I really enjoyed it. We (altar boys) had a very good relationship with the priest. /But nothing wrong!/
Unfortunately, my family had to move in a foreign city (I have not served here).
Other priest, other traditions and other community.
About the other traditions.
During lent, moreover during the holy week and Sacrum Triduum Paschale I feel something extremely deep, something indescribable, literally I can’t find any words to tell you.
So I went to the masses. Honestly I died inside.
The priest on Holy Thursday hit the Altar because of his anger (caused by an alter server who made a mistake).
But I don’t want to blame him anyway. To be honest it was a suffering to see a priest who hits the Altar at the celebration of the foundation of the Eucharist and the priesthood
After Easter, I asked about these my bible class teacher. She really surprised how do I know these things and how passionately I talked about these, and answered “Lewis, you’ll become a priest one day”. Interestingly, the priest who has baptized me said the same.
I have been confirmed for 5 years now (23 currently).
About the community:
People usually have a conversation about other people during the mass.
The other thing, to make masses attractive for younger generation there was an idea to have a little “band” with guitars. The parish choirmaster said: “not in my church untill I live”… Very sad that could happen.
I focused on God, tried to “filtering my ears”, but my spirit couldn’t calm down.
I know it’s a serious sin not to attend phisically on a mass and not receive the Eucharist. But I believe if you can’t focus on the messages of God, you can’t hear Him it’s even worse. I follow masses daily via streams, and pray daily too.
The feelings I mentioned in the beginning, come again and again. Sometimes it’s not as strong as now, but it’s continuous.
I asked God to show me the way, send me a sign.
Yesterday prayed along the stations of the cross. At the end, the homily was about choosing priesthood or choosing marriage. I don’t search signs in everyrhing, but I believe these little things come from God and He answers to my prayers.
I always had a thought, what if I’d become a priest. I feel close to God when watching a mass broadcast (or no background gossip whispering disturbs) or when I pray (more likely when I pray in latin). I don’t want to show off with praying in latin, but it gives me something special I also can’t describe (not because of language barriers) as the emotions during the holy week.
I know, it’s very long (and sorry for gramatical mistakes), please let me know if any explanation is needed. I don’t expect you to tell me what should I do. But I’m sure there will be experienced and wise members who would give me a few advice.
I really appreciate if you read this and answer.
God bless you all!