Should I change jobs?


Or should I just get over it?

Several of you posted with me over the summer. My husband of almost 16 years said he didn’t love me, moved out, moved in with another woman and her two girls. We have three teens. Well he lived there for 7 weeks and came home because he knew “it was the right thing to do”. Well things have been pretty great for us. He wants to forget what happened, I can’t, at least not yet.

Here’s the problem. I leave for work every moring and who do I see, this woman’s two girls standing out waiting for the bus, at their day care… then I get to work (school) and there they are. I run into the youngest quite frequently. I don’t know if she “knows” who I am… she hasn’t said anything, but sometimes I wonder if she isn’t looking at me, “knowing” who I am. I mentioned seeing the girls at school to my husband and he said they didn’t have anything to do with the whole thing, so it shouldn’t matter… well to me it does matter because when I see them, I think of “her” and when I think of her I’m sad and mad all over again!

I’ve been in my current position for 6 1/2 years, it’s a very frustrating, thankless job. I keep at it because I get summers off to be with my kids. I just don’t know how much longer I can take it!!

Any advice, words of wisdom?


First, feel sorry for those girls, instead of being mad at them. Imagine having to be raised by a woman who thinks it’s okay to invite another woman’s husband to come and live with her in a common-law relationship. Can you even picture your own mother contemplating such a thing? But for these poor kids, it’s their daily reality. They are victims here, too - perhaps even more so than yourself, though I’m not trying to minimize what happened to you - it was bad enough.

Whether or not you quit the job should depend on how easily you can find another job that pays the same or better, and on how easy to replace you will be - how much harm would come to your workplace, if you were to quit?

All jobs are frustrating and boring at times. I sometimes think there is a conspiracy among employers to make even the most interesting and fun jobs to be dreadful, just in case the “curse of Adam” doesn’t “take,” or something.


I’m so sorry about your situation. I don’t have any answers about your job but it really looks like both of you need to go to counseling. You are still working through the hurt and your husband wants to not think about it. There has to be a way for both of you to work through this together.


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