Should I confess this?


First, some backstory:

My pastor agreed, about one year ago this month, that he’d be my regular confessor, but this came with the stipulation that he might not always be able to meet with me at the drop of a hat.

So, I left a voicemail for him (which is standard procedure) this past August, sometime prior to the Feast of the Assumption, in order to schedule a confession and spiritual direction with him. He later joined some friends and I for lunch one afternoon later that month and acknowledged that he had received my message and would be contacting me later. A couple more weeks go by, so I e-mail him. He replies about a week later asking if I still need to schedule an appointment, which I confirmed. A couple more weeks go by, and he calls, but I miss his phone call so he leaves a voicemail; when I call back, he’s not in his office, but gone for the day. Again, nothing.

By now, it’s been almost three months since my last confession.

Well, I learned the other day that my pastor had dinner with a friend, and this made me very upset. I wanted to know why and how could he schedule dinner with someone else but not schedule an appointment with me?

So, last night, still feeling upset that I had been slighted, I left him one more voicemail saying, in a false meek tone, “I heard that (so-and-so) had dinner with you the other night, so that made me hopeful that I might be able to get an appointment with you.”

I later saw him (at the Transitus, held at our parish) and he said, “I owe you a phone call. Several phone calls.”

Still, nothing’s scheduled, but I feel bad for leaving him that last voicemail. I feel like I tried blackmailing him all because he had dinner with a friend. Should I confess this (when I do get to confession?)

[Again, even though he said that he wouldn’t be able to meet with me at the drop of a hat, I do find this prolonged period of time to be a bit ridiculous, especially when he’s acknowledged several times that he needs to schedule an appointment. Am I wrong?]

[Also, I tried going to confession yesterday afternoon with another priest at my parish, at the scheduled time for confessions, and *no one showed! A whole group of us sat waiting…and waiting…and waiting…and no one showed.]


I’ve decided, through the advice of the holy Spirit, that I don’t have to confess this, per se, but I should definitely admit my faults and apologize to my pastor.


You might try again to get to a regular confession. I try to go once a month. It sort of sounds to me like your priest has broken a promise with you. Here it’s been almost two months, and you’re still waiting. Like I said, try going somewhere else for this. But give notice to your priest that you plan to do this, and tell him why. To me, that’s fair enough.


My friend,

You have no idea what your Priest is having to deal with which may be preventing his having met with you for the Sacrament of Holy Confession.

If an impediment has been placed before your confession, perhaps The Holy Spirit is allowing more time for reflection and repentance.

In this posting you have expressed envy, jelousy, impatience, desire to get even/ vindictiveness, considering blackmail. You seem to be on a path leading to a slippery slope.

In any event, it most certainly does not sound like the advice of The Holy Spirit, but that of another.


I could be totally wrong here, but this is just a hunch.

Most priests will happily hear someone’s confession (even on a moment’s notice) as long as they’re not on their way to something urgent. Maybe the difficulty is that you are requesting confession AND SPIRITUAL DIRECTION.

Normally, a confession takes less than five minutes. Spiritual direction can take an hour or more. (Be sure to make your confessions brief and to-the-point so your priest does not dread meeting with you. Priests have huge demands on their time.)

Perhaps you need to separate the two events. If you ask him for a couple of minutes to hear your confession, he might be glad to do it. He may not have the time for a more lengthy spiritual direction meeting at the moment, but may be willing to schedule it at a later date, or he may be able to recommend someone else as a spiritual director.

No one should have to wait months for confession because their priest is too busy.


I’ve secretly feared that he might dread meeting with me, if only because I honestly do esteem him greatly.

I’ve asked him several times to help me find a spiritual director but he never complies, so this has lead me to believe in the past that he is content filling that role. When I called originally, I told him I wanted to meet for confession, not spiritual direction. Perhaps, given our history working together over the past year (battling my scrupulosity, despair, and understanding habitual sin), he suspects more is involved even though our last meeting was positive, I thought.

In short, I think there’s a lot of dynamics going on this situation, more than I know of, and it’s just a shame really because every week I say, “I’m going to general confession this week” but then think, “Maybe this is the week he’ll schedule, though!” So I wait. What I do know, though, is that I have indeed lost patience and haven’t handled recent happenings very well.


Can you go to confession once or twice per month at the regular time scheduled for the priest to hear confessions? Most churches have the sacrament on Saturday afternoons, no appointment necessary.

Good luck


a more proper form of spiritual direction is that the director sets the length of time between apointments. that’s part of the direction.

having a confessor is a beautiful thing, but it can be a spiritual pride to insist that one only confesses to a certain priest. (in the case of distinct and significant charismatic gifts, this may be necessary.) a months-later, last ditch effort to confess to another priest may perhaps be a demonstration of that some pride is afoot.

many saints have insisted that finding a good spiritual director depends on much prayer for discernment. your admiration of the priest may not be the best indicator of his suitability as ***your ***director.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit