I've posted on here before but though to again. I'm 19 now, and a baptized non-denominational Christian. I no longer attend church and worship in the privacy of my bedroom as the rest of the family are not too fond of the Christian faith and are of another faith. I never seek to push it on them though, as that would only cause problems in the household.
As a high school student I thought I was called. I was surprised to see a nun at the movie theatre I had worked with, and to play one in a high school production of Tracks. This was all during my senior year. I continue as I did through high school, without the feeling of needing to be married to a earthly man. It just never occurred to me to even be anything more than friends. I will admit I do think like other girls when it comes to actors,etc. though I no those feelings may trickle into my fiction writing but are not real in any way.
I do however feel the desire for children. I love babies and little kids. And I am currently hoping to be a high school teacher or a professor in English. I also will tell you I have multiple learning disabilities and a physical one (which basically kills endurance and balance). I know I could never make it this far without God's help.
I, my senior year of high school remember watching a video on St. Therese and thinking how wonderful it must be to be that happy and at peace. And yet she gave herself back to the world. I cried at the end as she lay dying and still managed to take joy in her pain. And I think I realize again that I still hope for that feeling.
I am not currently Catholic though would like to know more about the faith. Going to a Catholic Church,etc. is out of my reach until I graduate college in another three years and get an apartment. But, what do you make of this? Is this feeling for wanting children perhaps built on the need to love others as my own? Should I still consider becoming a nun?
I know these are hard questions to answer for many. But, your answers are all I really have to help me out of this confusion. So, please if you could tell me what you think I'd be grateful. Thank you.