Should I continue dating someone who is pro abortion?


#1

I am Catholic and I am pro-life. I have been dating someone who is pro abortion. We are becoming emotionally attached and have discussed marriage. We are both in our mid 60’s so her becoming pregnant is extremely unlikely. Yes, I do know and accept that God can cause anything to happen.

To her this issue is a women’s lib issue. To me it trancends women’s lib and is a basic moral issue.

I’m looking for opinions from real Catholics/Christians. If you were in my position what would you do? Should I consider ending this relationship? Am I really responsible for how another adult feels about this issue even if it should be a potential wife? I welcome your advice and opinions.
Thanks…Wilt


#2

I would end it. Anyone who is pro-choice has a faulty thought process and can’t tell the difference between right and wrong. When you say you are pro-choice, you are basically saying, “I’m selfish and proud of it!” Marriages should be based on selfless love.


#3

That’s a tough call to make. I think, for me, it would depend on the situation. I think if your talking a serious, militant feminist and your a serious, practicing Catholic, I think there’s a serious conflict that could really strain a marriage. It’s not necessarily the pro-abortion stance that is the problem, it’s just that deep down, your different people.

On the other hand, if we’re talking about somebody who’s just honestly misguided about abortion but not all into the liberal feminist movement, maybe there could be a chance.


#4

I personally could not even date someone with such a stance. When I was seeking a spouse, I had several “non-negotiables” that a man HAD to possess for me to even consider dating. This might sound close-minded, but I wasn’t gonna kid myself that some issues mattered to me more than anything and this was one of them. I could NOT be with someone who felt the senseless killing of innocents is “choice”. Sorry, but there are too many fish in the sea for me to settle for one with such a disgusting stance.

Now, if you want to enter into the sacrament of marriage with someone who is pro-choice, that is up to you. It is not a sin on your part for her beliefs, but I personally couldn’t stomach it. Prayers for you for whatever you decide! :gopray:


#5

Actually I have started to pray for a conversion for all those who are pro abortion. I had always prayed for the protection of the unborn and the end to abortion, and suddenly realized I have to somehow reach those who are responsible for abortion being available.
Is there any way you feel like your friend could have a change of heart? There is so much information right here on Catholic.com about the ideas that formed Planned Parenthood as well as statistics that your friend might not be aware of.
I will never understand the “pro-women pro-choice argument”. Giving life is so powerful, how would it ever make sense to throw that life away?


#6

A person who does not see abortion as a fundamentally evil act would not be a person I would want to unite with in marriage.

Right now you may see it only as a “philosophical” difference, which IMHO is enough to be a deal breaker, but what if after you marry it becomes more than just a philosophical difference such as her giving money to abortion causes/feminist causes, actively working for such a cause, advising someone (a child/grandchild/niece/etc) to have an abortion, etc.?


#7

So she believes that a human can choose to kill another human, and not even in the way we put down animals, but by burning them to death, ripping them limb to limb or sucking their brains out. She believes this probably for a variety of reasons such as somehow this liberates women, women should have this power, it’s not a person yet, it’s not a person until week 10, month 6, birth, whatever.

How do you feel, knowing she believes humans should have a legally-protected privilege to kill other humans for arbitrary reasons of power and liberty?

Does she like euthanasia?

Do you have a living will?


#8

Prior to my conversion experience (I was a dissenting Catholic who became a faithful Catholic), I was firmly pro-choice. After this experience, I recognized the need to bow to the Church’s authority, but it took me several years before I could comfortably say that I was pro-life. There was a long period of transition, during which I was honestly trying to see where the Church was coming from and the problem was that I had some well-meaning intentions that led to my being pro-choice.

I’m saying this to make the point that not everyone who has a difficult time with the abortion issue is necessarily a bad Catholic, or has a completely skewed value system. HOWEVER, in my faith journey, and I believe in anyone’s (if they are honestly seeking the truth), I came to a point where I realized that being pro-choice was utterly incompatable with following Christ, specifically as a Catholic.

So I guess I would look at it this way. Is this woman like I was, growing in her faith, and gradually coming to terms with a whole new way of looking at a topic that has been drummed into her head for years? Or is she really set in her belief and not likely to change? I believe that a person who is staunchly pro-choice can only be this way if they also have some other major theological issues that might be big impediments to a good relationship with a Catholic.

Is she Catholic, btw? Personally, I have found that the differences between myself and pro-choice (and therefore usually otherwise dissenting) Catholics are HUGE, and I would probably not connect well enough with someone like that to fall in love with them. I do think that a pro-choice position is definitely cause to consider the future of the relationship. It would be harder for me to say that if it was an isolated issue - but I have yet to meet a pro-choice person who otherwise agrees with so many of the other values I hold dear.

May God bless your discernment.
TKC


#9

Very simply put…
Would you want the life of your baby at the mercy of a pro abortionist? Because that’s exactly the risk you take by getting serious with such a person.
Pray for her.
But there should be zero chance of a marriage with a woman who could ever take such a stance on the life of an unborn baby, because who knows what trials and tribulations life may send that the unborn baby she considers for abortion could be your own and/or hers?


And really my advice would be the same for any woman considering a pro-abortion man.


#10

I could not and would not date someone who espoused this belief. I would be concerned about his (I say his because I am a female and obviously wouldn’t be dating another female) other stances on right to life issues as noted by Haskilee. Also, I would be worried that the potential would exist for him to influence other people I care about in a negative manner and my relationship with that person could put the implied seal of approval on their beliefs in the eyes of a niece, a nephew, a godchild, or another person who could be faced with an unplanned pregnancy.

Frankly, I would have a hard time having positive romantic feelings about a potential marital partner who thinks it is ok to kill babies, for any reason whatsoever. As a woman, I am personally offended by women who hide behind the false mantle of women’s lib when supporting murdering the most innocent souls.

Spouses are challenged with trying to help each other get to heaven. A person who is so adamantly anti-life will not be the person to aid you in your path to salvation.

Good luck in your decision. I will keep you in my prayers.


#11

I have friends and relatives who support abortion, but I would never have considered marrying someone who was. In fact, that issue was a “screening question” that I asked early on when dating. Abortion threatens the family. While you may be in your 60’s and unlikely to concieve, she views human life, sexuality and family in a dramatically different way if she thinks abortion is an acceptable choice. Also, if you have any children or grandchildren from a previous marriage, her views may influence them and possible even pose a threat to the life of grandchildren or great-grandchildren.


#12

That’s a pretty fundamental difference, and I can’t really see how a woman can say that being pro-death is something favorable to women.


#13

When I started dating my ex, she was a pagan (Wiccan), but she began to understand my point of view, and of her own free choice joined the Catholic Church in 2007.

I’d say you need to pray for her, and do all you can to help her understand the Church’s position, and how in fact it empowers women. You definitely need to know your stuff, so that you don’t seem like a blind follower, but someone who has reached his own informed conclusion. Read John Paul II’s ‘Love and Responsibility’ if you get the chance.

Whether you decide to stay together or not:

  1. Don’t stop praying for her, and if she’s a Christian, pray together.
  2. Don’t become some kind of rigid preacher, be yourself, she’s looking for a husband, not a priest. I learned this the hard way :frowning:

#14

I’d first try to get her to see a different point of view. Try Christopher West’s Theology of the Body for Beginners. If after reading that, she still believes in this lib thing, then I’m afraid you have some pain ahead of you if you continue. My first wife was a lib. Those were the 6 worst years of my life. God was a “she,” I was treated like a thing. I was chastised for not getting up at midnight and going to fill up her gas tank. I was to blame for anything bad that could happen to her because it was a male bias thing. She never once acted that way towards me prior to marriage. My point is, if she can not accept the concepts of TOB, (respect for God, life, one’s spouse) she’s only thinking about herself (lib mentality). If you can live with that, then proceed.


#15

If you want the long answer, see the PP’s…:slight_smile:

The short answer is…

Heck no!!! :nope:


#16

One word:

No!

In marriage you are responsible for getting your spouse to heaven and your spouse to get you to heaven, how can that be accomplished this way?


#17

Dear Wilt2448

Well you have received the pros and cons enough to discern for yourself.

Another thing to remember is that you are still dating… defer marriage until you get to know her better. Invite her to visit Priests for Life org and let her see the other side… the post abortion suffering of individuals.

Continue to pray for her and other women in her situation by joining the E5men.org who pray and fast for wives, girlfriends and all women on the first Wednesdays of the month on bread and water… for their healing

God put her in your life so He can transform her through you. He wants to use you as an instrument for her conversion. It may happen and it may not. The result belongs to God… He is looking for a willing non judgmental effort on your part and to unite His will with yours. This is a spiritual battle you are fighting… to save her soul and yours, so arm yourself with prayer and fasting.

When you are going to Holy Communion: recite this prayer of conversion for her: “O Blood and Water that gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a font of mercy for us, I trust in You.”

You can also say this prayer at the elevation of the Host and Chalice for her and for all pro-choice advocates.

God bless.


#18

Here is the book I would recommend if she is really interested in what it means to be a woman…and abortion is discussed in it. I think if she reads it with an open mind, she might begin to have a whole new outlook on “feminism”

amazon.com/Privilege-Being-Woman-Alice-Hildebrand/dp/097061067X


#19

Keep in mind that, if you are married, she will be the one deciding whether to “pull the plug” on you when you become seriously ill in old age. Someone who thinks abortion is okay would think nothing of “ending your suffering” by means of euthanasia, especially if you had expensive hospital bills that were eating away at her inheritance money, or had needs that were inconvenient for her to fulfill.

If you remain unmarried, one of your children (most likely your eldest daughter) will be the one making these decisions, or else whoever you designate (perhaps a trusted priest), if you have no children.


#20

I see a link between pro-choice and euthanasia, among many other values that I dont agree with. Hence, the need to further review the issue. Its really much broader than you thought.

God Bless


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