Should I even ask it of them?


#1

I am currently in RCIA, and this Easter I will be recieved into the Church… it will naturally be very special for me, possibly a more important day to me than any other in my life…

I feel I would like my family to support me in this, even though I am the only one ever to even consider the Catholic Church, being the only one other than my aunt to be given to any sort of spiritual seeking.

By support me, I don’t mean that they would have to agree because obviously they won’t. My grandparents are very offended that I won’t take communion in their church, and are also upset because last time I went to the family cottage for a week, I chose to attend a Catholic MASS as opposed to attending their church with them when they are the ones who essentially made it impossible for me to get to any other MASS but the one that ran the same time as their church service did. They feel that as they have “Catholic” friends who have attended their church and recieved communion there, that I should behave similarly - especially as I am not even in full communion with the Church just yet.

My father and brother, on the other hand, are atheists - and treat my spiritual seeking as a family joke. The only one who might respect, though not understand, my decision - is my stepmother.

I am nineteen and have lived in my own apartment for a year and am now rooming and boarding with a lovely couple who have shared their Catholic faith and family traditions with me this year - so I deffinitely have the right to make my own decisions concerning my personal faith and religion apart from the will of my parents and extended family.

I have asked my mother already and I honestly don’t know what she thinks… she just says that she knows it’s important, but she’ll see what she can do…

I just would like to be able to share that particular moment with my parents and grandparents because I know it will be one of the happiest moments of my life. I want them to know how happy I will be, and to be happy with me because I have drawn closer to Christ than I ever thought possible and because my deepest desire will have been finally, finally been met.

But should I even ask them? And if I should, the question then becomes how? And what am I supposed to feel if they refuse, or worse, if they come so they can tell me why I am wrong instead of rejoicing with me?

I would need to ask soon because it is almost February, and my dad’s family and brother live a 6hr drive away, my grandparents at least 3hrs - making it neccessary that if they choose to come, I find them accommodations and that will be a challenge having almost no money to spare.

love,
Saoirse


#2

I think you should explain it to them just the way you did above – it will be one of the happiest moments of your life, and you would like them to be with you to share that moment with you, even if they may not completely agree with you or understand why you’re doing it. Be prepared for a negative response, and pray ahead of time for God to help you deal with that. If that happens, it will be normal to be hurt or even angry, but offer that up to the Lord and ask Him to give you His love and peace during that time. Focus on what God has done for you:)


#3

i am also in RCIA and will be coming into the Church at the Easter Vigil. My moms side of the family go to assembly of God churches where as my dads side is baptist. they all think i’m crazy for joining the one true Church but anyhow i told my parents that i would like them to be there because i will also be baptised, be confirmed, and recieve communion and i, like you, think this is a really important day. they told me that they would be there. it really made me happy because i hope that they see the beauty of the Mass and hopefully join the Church as well. planting the seed so to speak. so, don’t fear. ask them to come. tell them you want them too. i’m sure as your parents they will support you even though they might not agree with you.


#4

For whatever it’s worth, my parents didn’t come to my Initiation last year. They weren’t too thrilled with my decision, but I think it had more to do with the distance (it took place out at school, and I live a good 6 hours away, which is quite a distance for one weekend). My grandparents don’t know that I became Catholic, and I didn’t want my parents to have to come up with an excuse why they were driving out there. It was awkward being the only person without my parents there…

I would ask your parents though. They’ll most likely want to come just to support you, because they probably do realize that it’s a very important part in your life.


#5

Anticipating your entrance into the church, I warmly embrace you as a brother in Christ and in our living Catholic faith!

I hope that things go well as far as your family is concerned, but if they don’t pan out as you would desire, remember that we are all part of your new extended family. Welcome home!:slight_smile:


#6

I too am the only Catholic in my family. I would ask them of course but don’t argue or debate with them, just ask and realize that they will probably say no but at least you gave them an opportunity to show love.


#7

Make sure you don’t place too much importance on having relatives be there and be happily supportive of you. You could very well end up having a miserable time if you placed a lot of importance on them and then they behave poorly or “act out.” What if they insist on coming up for Holy Communion? Would they know how to respectfully behave? I’d rather just stick with those few relatives who I think would be respectful, and then make sure I focus mainly on Jesus :slight_smile: Do you want to get into an argument about “Well, I don’t see why *your *church doesn’t think we’re *good *enough to go up for communion” or something similar?

By the way, I speak from the experience we had with my then-fiance’s mom when he converted. She took it so incredibly personally that she was upset when we (by that time, both Catholic) decided to get married in the Catholic Church (how outrageous of us not to marry in *her *church :rolleyes: ). At the rehearsal she actually SCREAMED and banged her fists on the pews and literally had a temper tantrum. It was scary! At the rehearsal dinner she threw food at my mother from across the room (my mom’s guardian angel deflected it thoug :wink: ). Luckily we had our eyes on God and each other and didn’t let her silly antics spoil our wedding. Don’t let anyone spoil your coming into the Church either.


#8

I didn’t even bother to ask my family to come. My DH’s family was there for me. Honestly, I was so excited to finally be receiving our Lord in communion, I didn’t care who was there or not, as long as the priest and I showed up!


#9

Welcome! The pain and confusion you’re going through are totally worth the reward :thumbsup:

Ask them, but don’t expect them to come. Simply let them know that it’s important to you, and that you’d like for them to share that moment with you, but honestly (in my experience) they can’t truly share in your excitement because they think you’re making a mistake. I’ve been there and done that, and while my dad did come, he only came because my mom (who was going to come, but wasn’t exactly supportive) was killed the month before and he said “a representative of the family should be there.” That’s been a couple years ago and the whole family still thinks I’m crazy for joining and even more crazy for getting married in it… sigh like I said, don’t expect too much.


#10

My main focus, is, of course on finally recieving Jesus in Eucharist; this year I have I decided that there is nothing else I desire more than that.

I just wish that my family would support me in making this choice, even if they don’t agree.

I e-mailed my grandparents about it; I know they’ll have had a chance to see the e-mail, because they just e-mailed the whole family with a general update (they’re on vacation), but they have declined to even acknowledge my e-mail.

My dad said he’s got a biking tournament that weekend, and I understand that he won’t see my becoming Catholic as a significant enough event to attract him - after all, as an atheist he’s likely thinking it’s just some ceremony and I’m nuts for asking him.

My mom said ‘we’ll see’, which is the same as a ‘no’ from her.

My aunt is the only one who would, but she’s in Calgary and so she can’t.

So it looks like it’s three very close friends from work, and the parish community and myself that’ll be there; as well as one woman who has been the most amazing Christian witness to me, and the first person who ever mentioned the word ‘chastity’ to me (just at the time I was thinking I should give it up and ‘relax’ like my friends were back then).

I’m honestly a little relieved, because I was realizing that a few problems might arise; my grandmother can be particularly strong-headed, and I don’t really want to deal with her dissaproval of the happiest decision and the most blessed night of my entire life.

I am so looking forward to this. I remember some nights when I was younger, being up crying and praying all night asking God to make me His and being so scared that He wouldn’t want me, so sure that He had to despise me for all the wrong things I’ve done, so frightened that the quiet voice saying ‘but you already are’ was really just me going crazy. Finally I’ll no longer have to doubt that I belong to God, that He wants me and loves me - finally I can let go of all of that pain and just trust Him. What could be greater than belonging to His Church? What more beautiful gift could one hope for?

I just wish I could share it with my family… maybe I will anyways - I guess even if no one comes, I could write a ‘newsletter’ afterwards letting everyone know how amazing I feel and etc etc…

I just can’t wait for Easter… it’s going to be all about Jesus, and about how He’s there - in the lives of those around me, and in mine - and wow.

love,
Saoirse


#11

((((((((((Journey))))))))))) wow, that must have been hard to deal with… you must be a very strong person, with strong faith. I admire that.

know that your mother is in my prayers.

love,
Saoirse


#12

Thanks for the prayers :thumbsup: I’m sure she could use them. It was very hard to deal with, but you know the saying: God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle, but I wish He didn’t trust me so much… that saying along with the communion of saints was a big support during that time. I made some bad grades, but I survived. I’ve always been more mature than my peers, but after that happened, I felt like I aged about 30 years in one week. For reference, mom died five days before my 20th birthday in 2005 during my second semester of college. But I digress… I found out the RCIA team has added my story (names omitted) to the usual stories to make the possible converts think about their reasons for joining.

A friend of mine went through RCIA last year and was telling me about when the Deacon told that story, and I started laughing halfway through and was saying “Seriously? Mike is telling that story to everybody?” and she thought I was terribly insensitive because apparently it touched her and some of the others a great deal. I told her it was my story and there were a few uncomfortable moments (I don’t tell people my story unless they ask and not many people ask on a college campus), some profuse apologies on her part, and I just told her I’m ok with it, she shouldn’t worry about it either. Personally I think it’s really neat that my story could help someone else, and to find that it has makes me appreciate God’s wisdom and plan even more.


#13

At “my” Vigil, I was happy my DH was there (he did not follow me into the Church til years later). The actual night, I would not have known if the President was there :slight_smile:

Maybe you could invite your family to a nice Easter brunch to celebrate the next day?


#14

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