Should I even be considering reconciliation with a non-Christian ex?


OK, here’s the thing.

For some fourteen years I was away from the Church, even calling myself a non-Christian. During that time I entered a civil marriage with my oldest friend, also a fallen-away Catholic who no longer called himself Christian.

After four years of marriage (and the birth of a beautiful little boy), we divorced. Fast forward 18 months (2 years since the “I want a divorce” conversation).

My ex and I have been friends since for 28 years, since our childhood. And long story short, we’ve been talking about why our “marriage” failed. This sort of opening up has left me with a longing for a second chance with him. He is questioning as well.

I hide nothing of my faith from this man. We were both raised Catholic (12 years of Cathoilc school). He supports me in raising our son Catholic, buys him Christian toys (VeggieTales), and said a Catholic school would be his second choice of school for our son (his first choice is a pricey private school 19 miles from our home – Holy Trinity, here we come! :thumbsup: )

  • I am a devout, practicing, CCC reading Catholic. He is a practicing Sufi.

  • Our first marriage was annulled due to lack of form, so this wouldn’t really be a reconciliation of a “marriage.”

  • I wouldn’t consider a romantic relationship with any other man who isn’t Catholic.

  • On the other hand, this man is the father of my child.

:shrug: As a Catholic woman, should I even be considering the possibility of reconciliation of “marriage” with this man? Am I just going out of my mind? :blush:

I have been offering up every little suffering, inconvenience, joy, thought, action, etc., for this man’s conversion. But I thought I was complete with any desire for or thought of a relationship with him. I’m used to being the strong, solid, both-feet-on-the-ground woman. This is challenging my sense of what I know.


(btw, I removed my profile from the singles sites since I am clearly not “available” in my mind and heart right now)


Look at what you wrote. Just because he is the father of your child is not necessarily a reason to base a marriage on. My goodness, you need to do some thinking here…


Is there any chance of him coming back home to the Church?

I would make that a requirement for consideration.

You first marriage may have failed because it wasn’t sacramental. Tell him that if you ever get married again you want a relationship and a family in which Christ is at the center.

While it sounds like you still love him emotionally, it doesn’t sound like much else has really changed except that you have found your Faith again.

If you guys already have to have some type of relationship because of your son, just put it to him straight then you will know which way to proceed and can either keep your name off the singles or put it back on :slight_smile:



I would like to expand on this response. I agree that any future marriage between you and him needs to be sacramental. That means he must return to the Church in order for you to consider marrying him. The danger here is that his motives for returning to the Church come into question. If he’s only returning because you asked him to return, and his heart and conscience are not on board with returning to the Church, then, in my opinion, you would still be considering marriage to a non-(practicing)-Catholic. A religious “conversion” should never be the result of an ultimatum or based solely on emotions. It should be the result of a conversion of heart to the truth.

Gertie, it sounds to me from your post that you definitely want to marry someone who already shares your faith. I would continue to pray for his conversion, but I wouldn’t be counting on it. We know the Holy Spirit will enter an open heart and move it, but what we don’t know is whether the heart will open.

God bless you. It sounds like a very difficult situation.


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