Should I even bother dating or getting married?


#1

I’m a single Catholic man who has never been married and doesn’t have any children. I do have three nephews, however. I am in my mid-thirties. I hate to say this, but I don’t see myself as being suitable for fatherhood. It’s my understanding that a couple that is married in the Catholic Church usually has to be open to the possibility of having children. Should I even bother getting married someday? Should I even bother looking for a date? What if I end up marrying a postmenopausal woman who’s, like, 55 years old when I’m not even 40?


#2

There is nothing wrong with being single. I rather enjoy my single life.


#3

If you don’t mind remaining celibate for life, go for it. Not everyone is called to marriage and fatherhood, like you say.


#4

Try praying about it and see where God leads you.


#5

I’m a life long bachelor myself, not because I don’t like kids but because it just didn’t happen. I had my last date when I was about 40 but I really didn’t dismiss the idea of marriage until I reached 50 or so. But you can get married at any age and it doesn’t matter if your wife can have kids or not - but you do have to be open to the possibility, just in case God decides to work a miracle :).

Linus2nd


#6

My husband waited until age 45 to marry…so you never know.
Be a great role model to your nephews…and make the most of the life you have!
God bless you!
pianist


#7

God never promised everybody a spouse, or children.

The two best human beings who ever breathed (Our LORD and the BVM) lived lives of virginity.

But like our LORD said, when some Pharisees suggested that it would be better not to marry; “Not everybody can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given.”

ICXC NIKA.


#8

My husband’s family included eight children, none of whom married before age 30, two who never married, and three who married in their 40s. My family was similar, though I married when I was 26.

Not everyone is called to marriage - as someone said earlier, be the best uncle you can to those nephews. When they are teenagers, you may be the best shoulder to cry on - and you can tell them all the hilarious stuff their parents did when they were teens.


#9

The Church says that married couples need to be open to life (and the possibility of children if the couple is fertile); this doesn’t mean that fertility is a requirement for marriage. If you don’t feel called toward fatherhood, I would think that marrying a post-menopausal woman would actually solve the conflict you’re feeling.


#10

While it’s higher risk I’ve got friends that have had healthy children in their early 40s. I’m about the same age as you. 36 isn’t too late for kids. I would suggest trying to date some one about the same age or younger.

If you aim to one day be married and never are able to do so at least you tried.

But if you never try I think you could potentially be putting yourself in a position with a higher potential for regret.


#11

If it’s a “bother” then, no. Don’t bother.
Peace to you.


#12

It doesn’t seem that having children is a goal for the OP, but rather the reverse.

I don’t think that someone who “does not see themself as a father” should press on to marry and have a family, just because he “may regret not doing so” at a later time. Regret works both ways. And God never promised everybody a spouse or children.

ICXC NIKA.


#13

If you are having doubts I would proceed with great caution. I thought that I had found THE woman for me. Eight years later I finally admitted how wrong my judgement had been. So, I was left with 8 years that could have been better spent doing just about anything else. The blame for this is not important in the final analysis…we had both failed.

If, going into the institution, you have doubt. I don’t see how you can succeed long term.

Just my thoughts…take them for what they are…one man’s opinion.


#14

Were not all meant to get married - just don’t let society get you down where some people think there is something wrong with you because you didn’t get married - and that pressure is there from family and friends and others - you have to ignore those people. Pressure was put on me.

I can"t imagine giving up my independence at this point in my life - I enjoy the quiet time I get. I have fallen in love several times - and looking back it would of ended badly with the women I had choosen - or did I choose them? - doesn’t seem like it now…I do realize I did not have a choice it just happened - so you really never know where life will lead. I couldn’t handle the 10 phone calls a day and the constant checking in with them and if I didn’t call there was something wrong.I couldn’t do anything without asking for permission just didn’t work for me and I was unable to accept a life this way.Some of us have to have our independence and are not willing to give it up.A man has to give himself up when he gets married I sure women do to.I can only speak for myself. .


#15

Are all women like that?


#16

:eek::eek::eek::eek:

Heavens, no, we’re not all like that. The only time I insist my husband check in is to make sure I am timing dinner for when he will be here to eat it. Any other time, calling, texting, emailing, etc is purely optional unless there is some emergency or a major decision that needs to be made right now.

You know, Thorns, there are women who aren’t able to have children due and many men who wouldn’t marry them because of that. Maybe be open to marrying a woman who cannot conceive.


#17

I am open to that possibility and I am also open to children too.

Where did I say I was not? :stuck_out_tongue:


#18

No. My husband at this moment is rafting down the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon, his favorite vacation. He goes with my blessing–I cannot do this as of yet. No problem.


#19

I got you and the OP confused. It’s Spring Break ad my kids are home making me crazy. :stuck_out_tongue:


#20

No the ones I choose were - I have bad taste - just not very lucky in love I guess.I’m a quiet guy I seem to attract controling personalities.
I only fell in love with 3 out of 3 billion.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.