Should I forgive someone for something they did to hurt me even if they aren’t sorry for it?

Should I? I feel like my conscience says I should but I feel very unfairly treated. Even if I do I don’t know how to actually forgive. I won’t want to be fake about it and say I forgive for the sake of it but I want to mean it but I don’t know if I can and in such a case would it be better not to.


Forgiveness isn’t for their benefit… it’s for yours. It’s for your own ability to move forward. If you can forgive them and move on it’s healthy for you; even if they aren’t sorry.



Extra letters.


ALWAYS forgive because God has forgiven the unexcuseable in you and me and everyone. We can not enter Heaven if we don’t forgive.


Yes. Forgive this person even if they are not sorry.

That is different from saying that your relationship with this person can and/or should go back to the way it was. That may or may not be possible or advisable.



Forgive? Yes.

Reconcile? It’s up to you.


Forgive. If you wait for them to fulfill some condition, that reduces it to a business transaction.

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We regularly get these questions about whether one should forgive another person for some wrong they did, even if the other person isn’t sorry.

The answer is yes, you need to forgive them for the wrong they did. Whether they are sorry, or not sorry, or not in their right mind to even think about being sorry, or deceased and beyond being able to say sorry, does not matter. You need to forgive them anyway.

The reason you are forgiving them is that 1) God tells us to do so and 2) it is spiritually healthy to let go of grudges and forgive people and try to grow in love for them, just as Christ forgave those who tormented him. In other words, you’re forgiving the person for your own spiritual health, well-being, and growth.

However, note that forgiveness does NOT mean you have to let them back into your life if they are toxic and likely to cause you more harm. So if you have a friend who hurt your feelings and doesn’t seem sorry, you should forgive the person, which you can do internally, just thinking “I forgive them, Lord” and maybe saying a prayer for them. However, you don’t have to resume the friendship, or even see the person again. And you do not need to express your forgiveness to them in person. You can just express it internally to God.


When we recite the Our Father we ask GOD to forgive our trespasses (sins) as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.
So yes we must forgive or we will not be forgiven ourselves.
That does not mean that you must put a red carpet out if those who sin against you do not want your forgiveness.
The important thing is to purge our heart and soul of any hatred that is normally caused when we are hurt.



Yes, it is for your own benefit to forgive. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

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@Dan_Defender, that reminds me of a quote from The Pat Stevens Show on SNL:

“Never carry a grudge. It’s ugly, and it doesn’t have a handle.”


To me, the minimum in forgiveness is to turn them over to God, to just say, I don’t want this in my life so I give this bad situation and this person to You to do with according to Your will.

Even better is to be able to pray that they come to know God and that God will treat them with mercy, but the first part is my first step. (I am not always quick with forgiveness; as @CajunJoy65 posted, it’s a process!)

I like the definition of forgiveness - “to forgive is to stop punishing the other person for what they did.” So you stop treating them poorly in your actions / holding grudges. It doesn’t mean you become friends, forget, or restore the relationship to wear it was before. You just stop punishing them.

absolutely. It has nothing to do with them. You don’t forgive dependent on their sorrow. Anymore than you let the car pull in front of you in traffic for the wave. If you’re doing it for the wave, then you’ve done it for the wrong reason.

Absolutely forgive. I’m sure we all thought of a similar situation in our own lives as we read the original post. Forgiveness is less about the other person and more about you. The unfair treatment makes it difficult to give that forgiveness, but we are all called to be merciful like Our Father is with us. The forgiveness also doesn’t need to be a loud declaration that you make to the whole world or a conversation you have with this person (although it could be if it seems right to you). The fact that you can feel it in your heart is the hardest part of forgiveness, so you are off to a great start :blush:

Other people have already given you good counsel. I’ll add something I hope will help.

Forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing the offense.
Forgiveness does not mean pretending you weren’t hurt.
Forgiveness does not mean making excuses for the offender.

Forgiveness does not mean you have to prove you still trust the offender.
Forgiveness does not mean you have to let the offender have the chance to hurt you again.

Forgiveness, as other posters have pointed out, means you drop the grudge. You stop being angry or bitter. ou stop wanting them to be hurt in return.

It’s okay to say " forgive you but I’m not spending time with you any more". Or “I forgive you but I don’t trust you now.”

It’s okay to forgive but not talk to them even to say you forgive, if talking to them might hurt you.

God’s blessing to you, and His peace upon you.


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God’s punishment on Earth is not final, he still has the power to give all these people a greater good life after death.

Sadly, I don’t think true justice can ever happen here on Earth. How can you ever have real justice after a rape? Should the rapist be raped? Should they be castrated? Should they have life imprisonment?

How could the victim ever have any sense of peace after such a terrible event?

Only God can give real closure and real justice through a greater good life after death.

Forgiveness is a profound subject, it is the only way to find a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Does the rapist deserve eternal damnation for a temporary event? Should they be forgiven?

Think back in your own life. Was there ever a time that YOU hurt someone and were not sorry for it? And now it is too late for you to make amends, perhaps? Would YOU still want to be forgiven, after perhaps realizing that what you did was wrong? If that is the case, then do unto others…

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