Should I go see/visit my girlfriend?


#1

I am leaving with my family on 4/17 to go on a family vacation and will be returning 4/24. I told my girlfriend that when I returned, I would hop in the car and drive the 100 miles to see her that evening, all day Sunday, and leave Monday morning and come to work. Then, that Friday, 4/30, she is coming to visit me for the weekend.

My mom says I should reconsider and not make the long drive when I return because I might be tired after the flight home from Arizona, plus 1.5 hours there and back again on Monday and back again on Friday might be a bit much.

What should I do? I’m 28, but suddenly can’t make up my mind about this. I love being with my girlfriend, but we’re not engaged. What are the limits of courtship? It will have been three weeks since we spent any real time together by the weekend of 4/24, other than we are meeting for dinner this coming Thursday halfway.


#2

You are a big boy. Mama sounds a bit, um, over-involved?

I'd have plan B for if the flight is delayed...


#3

Honestly, this is one of those questions that you can answer for yourself. We can give you all sort sorts of advice on getting enough sleep, or instead rushing to be with the one you love at the loss of sleep. But only you know what is truly the correct answer.


#4

Couldn't your girlfriend drive the hundred miles to see you?


#5

I don't see anything wrong with what you are suggesting. It all seems to be very pure and as long as you aren't spending the night in her apartment/house I see nothing wrong with having an extra visit with someone you enjoy being with. :)


#6

We can't even offer a clue because it involves your stamina, endurace, ability to drive, etc.
I'm only 2 years older than you and I wouldn't think twice about. The fact your asking makes me think your PROBABLY (key word) with wrong girl.


#7

[quote="Epistemes, post:1, topic:194468"]
I am leaving with my family on 4/17 to go on a family vacation and will be returning 4/24. I told my girlfriend that when I returned, I would hop in the car and drive the 100 miles to see her that evening, all day Sunday, and leave Monday morning and come to work. Then, that Friday, 4/30, she is coming to visit me for the weekend.

My mom says I should reconsider and not make the long drive when I return because I might be tired after the flight home from Arizona, plus 1.5 hours there and back again on Monday and back again on Friday might be a bit much.

What should I do? I'm 28, but suddenly can't make up my mind about this. I love being with my girlfriend, but we're not engaged. What are the limits of courtship? It will have been three weeks since we spent any real time together by the weekend of 4/24, other than we are meeting for dinner this coming Thursday halfway.

[/quote]

If you are not tired when you get back and you want to see her, then go. I personally do not find flying too be too strenuous of an activity and would be happy to get behind the wheel and drive. But that's just me. :D

You are correct though. You should be the one making up your mind whether to go or not, not your mother. (And it sounds like you want to...) As far as not being engaged... If she lived close by, would you think that it was okay to see her for two weekends in a row? Of course you would. Don't overthink it. If you don't mind the driving back and forth, it shouldn't matter to anyone else.

By the way, I don't think 1.5 hours of driving is too much to see someone you care about. I gladly drive 21/4 hours to pick up my daughter from school, drive home spend a long weekend then drive her back and drive home! It's not a big thing once you get used to it. (As long as I am not doing it every weekend that is!) :D

Enjoy your time together. Relax and don't worry about what other people think so much.


#8

Good grief! It is ONLY 100 miles - 1.5 hours of driving. Some people drive that far to work and back every day. I know there are days I put on over 100 miles of driving just driving kids around to various things. It really is not that far.

Mama sounds too involved in a 28 year old’s life.


#9

[quote="Catholic90, post:8, topic:194468"]
.

Mama sounds too involved in a 28 year old's life.

[/quote]

I don't think that's the issue at all. For all we know, she was just giving him some advice.


#10

You're 28 for goodness sake, man up and make your own decisions.


#11

I guess it all depends on how you feel after you de-plane. 100 miles isn't much.:thumbsup:


#12

Um, yeah, but he is 28!!! 100 miles really is not far at all. At 28, he is (presumably) a big boy and can make these decisions on his own!! 100 miles…it is NOTHING! I just took my son on a college tour…it was 100 miles there and 100 miles back. It was a short jaunt! My son’s tour guide, a college student, said he drives 100 miles a few times a week to see his girlfriend (she lives in our town).


#13

Hey, let's give the guy a break, okay?

Obviously, to him 100 miles isn't "nothing", or he wouldn't be asking about it.

Maybe air travel wears him out (it exhausts me).

Maybe the gas money is a consideration.

Maybe he doesn't like to drive.

Maybe his car needs new tires.
Maybe it's 100 miles of bad road.

Sheesh.


#14

I know what you mean. I’m 30, and in college I drove about 2 hours every weekend to see a girl as well. And I love, love, love to drive. Give me an Ipod, let me take my dogs, and I’ll go wherever!


#15

100 miles? That's a mere 45-minute drive by my calculations. ;)


#16

1.5 hours will only get you 40 miles in South Florida. :D OK that being said this is really a decision you need to make - the limits on courtship - I think Miss Manners book went out when we started making internet dating sites and moving out of our parents' homes before marriage. I think from the sounds of it your main question seems to be the limits on courtship. I don't think seeing each other every weekend when you live 100 miles away is overkill at all. Now, if your job starts to suffer that would be overkill.

The other thing you may want to consider - I know you said she did not have a car. Is it possible for you once a month to get her a bus ticket to come visit you and stay with one of your female friends from Church and attend your Parish. I say this for two reasons.

1) It will give her a better sense of who you are in your social setting and what you Parish is like

2) It will take some of the physical strain off of you and allow her to share in that and meet you "half-way" so to speak.


#17

[quote="Epistemes, post:1, topic:194468"]
I am leaving with my family on 4/17 to go on a family vacation and will be returning 4/24. I told my girlfriend that when I returned, I would hop in the car and drive the 100 miles to see her that evening, all day Sunday, and leave Monday morning and come to work. Then, that Friday, 4/30, she is coming to visit me for the weekend.

My mom says I should reconsider and not make the long drive when I return because I might be tired after the flight home from Arizona, plus 1.5 hours there and back again on Monday and back again on Friday might be a bit much.

What should I do? I'm 28, but suddenly can't make up my mind about this. I love being with my girlfriend, but we're not engaged. What are the limits of courtship? It will have been three weeks since we spent any real time together by the weekend of 4/24, other than we are meeting for dinner this coming Thursday halfway.

[/quote]

This is quite simple, actually. Mom wants what's best for boy, since mom wants boy to be safe and healthy. Boy wants what's best for boy and girl, since boy likes girl. There's a conflict of interest here, even though you all want what's best for the other person.

My take is that you're a man, and you made a promise to your g/f. So suck it up and make good on your promise, mom's bidding aside.


#18

This is the umpteenth thread where you've asked fairly basic, everyday questions about your relationship with this girl. I take from this that you do not really know what you want in a relationship, but are trying to stick with this one even though it's very problematic for you. You've spoken about so many problems - her family, your family, her "learning difficulties", which, in addition to some of your comments about her making me uneasy about your maturity, make me think that this may be worth giving up on before you cause any more heartbreak. Sorry to be harsh.


closed #19

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.