The year of 2012 in August, my boyfriend finished his job and came back to his home state where I live. Since we met online, we were doing long distance for roughly about 3 months until he came back and we met in person and everything was the way we expected it to be and now it has been over a year now.
As some of you might or might not know, i have a LONG thread about me worrying about his past.
Anyways, him and his ex met on facebook when she one day randomly messaged him. He lived about 3-4 hour drive away from her and since he was tied up with his hectic job, they only got to see each other about twice a month and they mostly talked on fb.
The total length of their relationship lasted for about 1 year and a half but she broke up with him about 2 or 3 times and would come back to him. (he’s not a sort of person who begs someone to stay). Also he heard from his friends that she was dating other guys while he was busy working and cheated on him. He told me, by then his feelings for her were almost fading away anyway and he knew that they were going to break up. Although in the end, she was the one who officially decided to end the relationship via mail, once he found out she cheated, he stopped talking to her (he never stated that ‘hey we are breaking up’, he just kinda stopped talking to her) but she would message him again.
He told me he was way over her even before they officially broke up via mail (happened while he was overseas for about 6 months) and he did not take it by surprise at all.
The thing is, back in april this year, his ex tried to add me on facebook and she was basically trying to feed me off false info, messaging me.
How he kept messaging her, how he used her etc, how he contacted her before he left to meet up and say goodbye.
I found from my boyfriend that she was the first one to message, (he never initiated anything) constantly messaging him on facebook couple of times after the break up telling him about her mental issues and how she’s seeing a doctor.
He told me him contacting her in Cali was in fact true but he only did it as a curtesy, no feelings involved whatsoever. He just messaged her very casually saying ‘hey, i’m leaving , wanna say goodbye?’ and she said no, so he just went ‘well that’s cool, bye’.
And this was bothering me for a while since i found out that it was true whether he was just trying to be nice.
He told me that he was completely over his ex but he contacted her out of the blue(after breaking up and only probably couple of messages from her, not even seeing her when he got back from overseas until he left for home which is over the span of roughly about 3 months) before he left just to say goodbye?
Maybe it’s just me but I find this very hard to comprehend still. Why would you want to say goodbye to your ex who cheated on you, who you had no feelings for?
I was just so hurt that he never told me about it and having to find out through his ex was even more shocking and hurtful although he told me it was such an uneventful thing to even remember that he’s actually forgotten about the whole thing until I mentioned it.
Also, couple of weeks before I found out about this whole thing, I was just incredibly feeling insecure about the relationship that I had to constantly ask him if the ex has messaged him and he said never. He later told me, he just wanted to get rid of her by himself, not involving me, and telling me that she had will make me more insecure and he was scared that i would leave him. Apparently, i’ve told him that I’m going to break up if I found out(I actually do not remember saying it funnily enough)