[quote="rayne89, post:29, topic:238597"]
This is a complete assumption on your part which has no basis in factual reality. Just because newer generations have become more relaxed about signs of respect given to elders doesn't mean that those of who are not comfortable with these more relaxed ideas have superiority complex or would harm or ignore a parental instructions.
The only way these two things are connected is because you have decided they are. I can make my own assumptions based on your words. The fact that you feel you get to decide what to call people based on your feelings about them and get upset if they don't agree with you actions seems a bit self-centered not to mention lacking in the manners department. People have the right to be as Mr & Mrs without someone attaching all kinds of imagined motives to their reasons.
If it's just a matter of calling people what they like that's one thing. When it's to flex their Position in life... that's entirely another. With regard to this OP, it seems the MIL does not care for DIL. Or is just socially lacking. She's laughing at her during a miscarriage in ER. She wants her to call her mom, when she has one, and since she wont, she can now just stay away, or call her Mrs. X. This woman is toxic. She's seemingly trying to show the DIL that she is "elder" in need of repsect. Which tells me that DIL should expect that MIL will not respect ANYTHING that she has to say. That's a guess... I'd obviously feel this out more in person. But if there were children involved, I would not allow this woman near them. She shows that only her feelings are important and no others.
I am, I admit, using my personal experience here. I have a grandmother that behaves in this fashion. I can't tell you how many times she risked mine and my sisters health because she chose to ignore my mothers directions about certain things. Only because my grandmother thinks she's older and wiser... granted she never demanded any specific names. She just thinks that her life experiences trump everything.
Age does not earn you respect. Behavior, knowledge and experience does. For example, I have doctors that are now much younger than me. I have NO PROBLEM calling them Dr. so & so... I don't try to call them "little timmy"
I'm also Mrs. X... So, I guess if my MIL said, I'd really prefer you to call me Mrs X, AND I felt it was a superiority issue I'd say... that's a great idea, you call me that too! 'Cause that's who I am... If however, it's 'cause she doesn't like her first name... I get that too. There are very friendly ways to let others know of your preference. For example, I can't stand to have my name shortened. The ONLY 2 people that do it are my MIL, and SIL. That's on purpose. They have been told I can't stand it. So I don't repsond. It's done to be insulting.
It's when it's done in a snotty way... does anyone here think the OP's mother is just expressing her genuine desire to be her mother? Laughing at her misfortune? Refusing for her to come to the house because she didn't address them appropriately? This is not normal behavior. Certainly, not behavior worthy of respect.
My issue is with... Hey, you're not really family, so you address us as such.
On the other hand... I had one friend whose mother we ALL called Mrs. X... And I squirm to call her by her first name, even though that's how she announces herself to me NOW, as an adult. She seems quite content to have a FRIEND call her by her first name. And we are now friends. I would never allow my children to call her that.
So, in the end, it's not a matter of "I get to decide what to call you." It's a matter of how I will act with a person who is establishing just how close they will allow you to get. A good friend, a close family member does not need this sort of formality. A person that doesn't want to be either will maintain this sort of formality. And that's fine. We can even have a great relationship. But don't expect to informally pop on over for a visit. Or just hang out. I would NEVER expect that of the same person. Send me an appropriate invitation if you want me over for dinner, I'll RSVP in a timely fashion.
I suspect, I'm not making myself understood here, and that others will just assume me rude... that's fine too...if you choose to assume so. I'm not explaining myself very well, that I can accept. I know how I feel. I don't have bad relationships with others so I guess I'm doing ok.