Should I not offer sympathy to my friend's enemy?

A acquaintance’s granddaughter passed away recently. However a friend of mine has a major issue with this person and I am supporting my friend. I’m feeling guilty though about not acknowledging this person’s loss. Is it appropriate to send an anonymous Mass card so I don’t offend my friend? Or send one with my name and not tell my friend? If my friend finds out it could make things very difficult.

You do not elaborate on the “major issue” between these two, but I see no reason that you should consider yourself a “player” in their battle. And any friend who would begrudge you the right to offer sympathy and prayers to someone suffering the tragic loss of a grandchild is a friend you don’t need anyway.

By all means, send a sympathy letter and arrange to have Masses said either for the respose of the child’s soul (depending on the child’s age and baptismal status) or for the intentions of the grandmother (if the child was both baptized and below the age of reason). If your friend finds out you did so and complains, say to her coolly, “In such circumstances, I felt compelled to do all that I could to comfort someone suffering such a horrible loss. Once you think about it, I’m certain you’ll understand and agree.”

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