Should I? or Should I Not?


#1

My best friend for about 6 years now has recently entered the seminary as he believes he has been called to do so (Which I do not understand because he has said he feels a bit on the fence about his decision now and he pokes fun at his decision). Problem for me is that I have strong feelings for him, which I previously could not express due to his decision, but now I’m starting to think maybe I should let him know how I feel. Would it be wrong for me to tell him I love him? Though he hasn’t said anything since he can be very reserved, I’m the only woman he’s ever had such a strong connection with, I always thought we’d be together. I feel so selfish having these feelings because I don’t want to interfere with what might be his calling, but at the same time, I’m deeply in love, it’s confusing. His brother and a few of my friends think I should tell him. But I need other opinions, should I or should I not tell him how I feel? My sadness is consuming me and it needs to end once and for all, I need to make a choice.

Thank you.


#2

Well, it’ll sure enough test the strength of his vocation! :wink: I feel, not knowing the first thing about how your relationship really works, that he would not have gone to the seminary if he wanted to have a deeper relationship. But that’s just me! I wouldn’t tell a guy I loved if he was at the seminary…I would have brought it up before.


#3

Be very careful and think the whole thing out before you do or say anything. Never forget, that we all want what we feel we can’t have. It is not only human nature to do so, but in this case could be the evil one tempting you to possibly destroy what could be a legitimate vocation.
If the lad in the seminary does have true feelings for you, he will find it out well before he has to make his vows.
In the meantime, offer your prayers to the Blessed Virgin for guidance. She will not steer you wrong.


#4

The only problem I see is that you should have been more honest with your friend before he went into the seminary. However, even if he has already made the decision to become a priest, he still has many years of study ahead of him, so I suppose now would be the most opportune time to express your true feelings. Nothing is impossible and if you don't at least try something, you will regret it for the rest of your life. If, after sharing your feelings with this young man, he continues with his studies, in your heart of hearts you will at least know that you tried.

Nothing in life is without risk, even love. Sometimes we have to go the distance in order to go after what we really want. God bless you for the love you have for this young man, I pray that, by sharing this very private part of yourself, that he will at least open up his heart to the truth of that love.

God Rocks


#5

[quote="Rationalists, post:1, topic:296700"]
My best friend for about 6 years now has recently entered the seminary as he believes he has been called to do so (Which I do not understand because he has said he feels a bit on the fence about his decision now and he pokes fun at his decision). Problem for me is that I have strong feelings for him, which I previously could not express due to his decision, but now I'm starting to think maybe I should let him know how I feel. Would it be wrong for me to tell him I love him? Though he hasn't said anything since he can be very reserved, I'm the only woman he's ever had such a strong connection with, I always thought we'd be together. I feel so selfish having these feelings because I don't want to interfere with what might be his calling, but at the same time, I'm deeply in love, it's confusing. His brother and a few of my friends think I should tell him. But I need other opinions, should I or should I not tell him how I feel? My sadness is consuming me and it needs to end once and for all, I need to make a choice.

Thank you.

[/quote]

As a fellow woman I can understand your feelings, but first think to yourself if he really loved me he would have said so after all he did have six years to do so, does this in itself not say something to you plus you would have also said so before he entered, he obviously feels the call of the Lord which was stronger than staying with you ( sorry if this hurts but rejected love can hurt) and we always want what we cannot have, personally I would not get to heated with him or better still you can say it half joking well if it does not work out you know I like you an awful lot , but only you know and with time and prayer if this is what the Lord is calling you to, LET HIM GO, especially in your mind, let him decide his way in life, he has to find his way as you have to find yours, go with other guys, put him out of your mind, I am sure you have had other guys that you have fancied and have not fancied you, and the other way around, that is life , and you have put them out of your mind, the Lord will bless you in abundance for it. Pray to accept HIS Will for your friend and pray to Our Lady that you find your path and if its to be marriage to find you a nice Catholic guy. And to thank the Lord that you had such a nice friend for six years BE AT PEACE.


#6

Would you tell an engaged friend that you loved him? Of course not - he is spoken for. Your friend is spoken for. Do you really want to get in the way of his vocation? If you truly love him, you have to accept that this is his calling and this is what will make him happy. Having feelings for him is not selfish, you cannot help that. To try take him away from God and his vocation because of your own will would be incredibly selfish. He is trying to do the will of God - how can you try to stand in his way?

I am in a similar but opposite situation and I can sympathise with you, I truly can, but please do not tell this man your feelings. It would be incredibly unfair of you to do so. Remember that it is God’s will for this man to enter the seminary. Now you yourself have to learn to trust in and accept the will of God.

Anyone discerning a vocation to the priesthood or religious life will feel “a bit on the fence” at some point. It’s part of the process. Even at entering we may not be 100% sure but we can only trust in God and try sincerely to follow His will. It takes a leap of faith, and we are only sure at that moment when we truly take on our vocation - at marriage, at vows, or at ordination. I make jokes about my vocation and poke fun but that doesn’t mean I don’t truly believe I am called. Also remember that you are not objective - him being called in not your will, so of course you are not going to see how he can be called.


#7

Maybe he's not that into you.

I agree with Celtic Maiden above: if you've been hanging out together for six whole years. . . it speaks volumes. Volumes.

That doesn't mean either of you are lesser; just not.

Keep in mind that it is enormously admirable to see someone follow God's call: and, in a way, it would be irrational NOT to do so.

Consider him to have received a deep blessing from God.


#8

I think your best bet is to write a letter to God where you pour out your soul and let the emotions out. Don’t send it to anyone nor let your friend read it either. I think right now you are mourning your relationship. The fact that you love him is normal but if you really love him, you will let him follow his dream. If he feels like seminary is where God wants him, support him and see what happens. As he follows his dream, I suggest that you pray to God and ask him to direct you for your own path. Lossing a great guy to the church is difficult but you never know what God has planned. If you can surrender your life to God as your ex has done, you never know what God has in store. It’s been my experience that God’s plans are always bigger than we can ever imagine.


#9

To me it is strange that you all assume that the man is called. Entering seminary means that you are discerning, we will not know his vocation until he i ordained. ? If he decides to leave, he did nothing wrong.

I do however agree that it may not be completely wise to tell him, especially not at his family's recommendation. It is very common that close relatives tries to stop their family from choosing this life, even if they are good Catholics themselves.

You let him figure this one out him self first, and if he decides to leave, tell him what you feel!


closed #10

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.