Should I Propose?


#1

I am looking for some advice.

I have been dating a young woman for 8 months, and I am thinking about proposing to her. My father says, "You should not marry a woman you could live with; you should marry the woman who you cannot live without." However, I am puzzled by this, because I love this woman very much, yet it is a stretch to say I could not live without her. I have lived most of my life alone...why could I not just keep on doing that? I do not wish to do that (I wish to be with her), but I see no reason why I should now be incapable of it.

I have a job, a place to live, clothes to wear, and food to eat. I do not need her for any of these things. I love her, but if we split up, I would certainly continue to breath and function, to work and eat. Does this mean I should not marry her?


#2

I think you missed the meaning of the saying. It has little to do with living alone for years. Basically, is your life going to better with or without her?


#3

Your ages would be helpful...


#4

Not to push you one way or the other, but that's really just a cutesy saying. It's not meant to be the literal sole criterion for basing your decision.

Technically speaking, the only one we cannot live without is God. I love my wife and children and I do not want to live without them (most of the time :p), but to say that I cannot live without them would be idolizing them and placing them in the spot that only God can fill.

The basic sentiment, though, is that you look for "Ms. Right" rather than settling for "Ms. Right Now". That's really what it's getting at. Don't settle. ;)


#5

Your father is referring to the passion that most romantics feel. We all know that we can physically live without a particular person, but would that living feel empty and pointless? Once you know that your happiness lies chiefly with one oerson, you want to be with him/her always. Eight months is a fair amount of time, but probably a year or more would be more time to be certain that your love is not just infatuation. Good luck and God bless.


#6

Think: would she make a good mother?

Also, talk to her about it. Has she considered marriage with you? What does she think? Has your relationship been moving in that direction?

8 months doesn't seem like that long, but everyone is different. It's best to communicate to the other person about it in my opinion.


#7

Thanks for the responses, these have been very helpful.

We are both 26. We have talked about marriage a lot actually, so it is no surprise to her. I do think she would make a good mother...in fact we have talked about this...and about many other things relating to marriage and family life, and we are agreed on nearly all of it.

This saying of my father sort of threw me off balance a little bit, maybe because I took it too literally. It has been helpful here to read some of the different interpretations.


#8

Will she help you get to heaven? Can you do the same for her?

If the answer is yes on both sides - marry her.

I have to add to your father's comment: Better yet, marry the one who will help you get to heaven. Love is an act of will, not an emotional state.

God bless!

~Liza


#9

[quote="oneplustwo, post:7, topic:255493"]
Thanks for the responses, these have been very helpful.

We are both 26. We have talked about marriage a lot actually, so it is no surprise to her. I do think she would make a good mother...in fact we have talked about this...and about many other things relating to marriage and family life, and we are agreed on nearly all of it.

This saying of my father sort of threw me off balance a little bit, maybe because I took it too literally. It has been helpful here to read some of the different interpretations.

[/quote]

Then, I would say yes, you propose to this girl. And even though you two have been dating for "only" 8 months, you should remember that a lot of parishes require that you tell them at least 6 months in advance of your potential wedding. It sounds like you two will get along really well together, and your pre-Cana sessions will probably further validate our assumptions. Good luck! Time is a wasting!


#10

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