. About a week ago my fiance told me about a female friend counselor of hers while while working at a christian youth camp this summer. The female friend was experincing some dificulties at home with her parents due to her sexual orentation. She had just come out to her parents about being a lesbian. The parents not knowing what to do or handle this girl kicked her out at 17 nearly 18 before she went to college. My fiance offered this girl a place to stay over the weekend while she sorted out her options. The place to stay ended up being with her in her bed in the staff cabin because they couldnt find other options at camp. I talked about this with my fiance about the emotional situation this girl is going through and all the confusion and emptiness she is feeling due to being kicked out and rejected. We both agreed that this girl needed help but she needs to be directed to someone that can help her decern her sexual confusion and support her spiritually. long story short In the end the girl ended up sleeping in the same bed. I talked to my fiance the morning after and she had talked about the girl being a bit “cuddly” but nothing forward or sexual. We talked about it and the advice I gave to my fiance was that this young girl is emotional, sexually and spiritual confused right now. You need to be very careful in that you helping her with her grief and being a good person the girl doesnt take that the wrong and get confused about what the nature in which your helping her. My fiance and I both agreed that to keep an arms distance approach was necessary in this situation so this girl doesnt get lead on to think my fiance likes her. After our conversation my fiance told me that this girl needs a place to stay just one more night. I told her of my thought and how I didnt think it was a good Idea but I also allowed her to make the decison for her own self because she was in the situation. The follow morning I get a phone call from my fiance at a time earlier than expected. We talked a bit and I could tell that something was on her mind. So I asked her if anything had happened between her and that girl the previous evening. Though talking she began to explain about a sexually explicit encounter that was spured on by this other girl that consisted of actions more than kissing. My fiance didnt show any forms of remorse and thought it was ok because she enjoyed it. I told her of my extreme disapproal and that i was very dissappointed in her action. She claimed she didnt do anything in return or to encourage and that what makes her think it was ok. Im currently at a lose of words towards my fiance and im ready to give up. What should I do? Is there any way I can work this trough? Because we are only engaged should I not fight for my relationship as much as I would like because we’re not married and take my lose and step back? Any prayers or advice would be much appreciated in this time of decernment.
There are red flags here all over the place. It seems to me that you are already reconsidering–and rightly so. I’m not so sure that her “helping” is just for the girl’s benefit. I suggest that you go slow with the engagement. You may decide to break it off. I suspect that you will do the latter. You both are definitely in our prayers.
Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.