I think I should clarify a few things here:
I met this guy back in around September… he is my ride home from work on Fridays, otherwise I’d be taking a cab.
A few times back in September, we stopped for coffee and chatted. He kept talking about his ex-fiancée who had cheated on him with someone else… and about how he felt so ready to be married.
I really liked him, but was unsure if I should make a move as he was clearly healing from a break-up - making him emotionally vulnerable. I chose to respect that, and kept my distance.
Besides, he was Reform Calvinist and clearly interested in trying to convert me - and I am not interested in being converted to anything but Catholicism. I am not the kind of girl to give up God for a guy, and I have found God in the Catholic Church, so I am not interested in any other religion except maybe as a way to understand and enjoy differences of culture.
But whenever he smiled at me, my heart would stop - and I had never felt like that for any other guy. Ever.
The next thing I know, he’s got his arms around this other girl at work. I ask one of my friends, and it turns out that she and he just started dating.
I was a little put-out, because I felt like I was waiting patiently for him to take an interest in me, and because I was waiting patiently for him to come out of the “rebound” faze.
Yet even while he’s dating this other girl, who at that time I didn’t know from any other - he’s pressuring me to ‘consider’ going to Redeemer, a Reform-run University-College - while I have made it clear that I am going to attend Kings, a Catholic University-College. He kept telling me that he would be going to Redeemer next year, and would like to see me there.
I felt uncomfortable with that, as it felt like a hint towards something more serious, and he was apparently dating this other girl.
So someone mentioned to me - maybe they are just having fun and it’s not serious…
meanwhile, I am starting to get to know this girl he’s currently dating, and she seems interesting. She’s funny, very random, and overall a nice person.
Just recently I realized that I am considering her as a friend. I have discovered that she is a baptized Catholic and used to attend the school that is right beside the Parish I am currently doing RCIA through. She is even thinking about “going back” to Church - and, if she begins to feel comfortable in a specific community, seeking her Confirmation within that community (she wants to be Confirmed but not surrounded by strangers). She’s even considering the Church that I am attending, which is under threat of closure if we can’t muster enough regular attendance and population to warrant staying open. Naturally, I’ve been encouraging her to come back to Church - I even told her that if I see her there, I’ll introduce her to people that I know in the community.
I’ve decided that they show all the signs of seriousness in their relationship, however - him taking her home to visit his relatives, etc etc.
Yet the other night, when he, she, myself and another guy all stopped for a drink on the way home, he told me (right in front of her and everyone else) that the only reason he wasn’t interested in me as anything more than a friend is because of my insistance on converting to the Catholic faith and my lack of willingness to be converted to Calvinism.
At this point, if I told him anything about my feelings, it would not be about getting him to date me - because I wouldn’t, even if he asked me - because he’s not Catholic, he’s too interested in converting me to Calvinism, because he is dating this other girl who has become my friend since I met her, because I have seen him move from one relationship to another a little too quickly for my comfort levels - I would simply be asking him to back off just a little bit, to not talk about why he would or wouldn’t date me, to not offer to pay for my drinks, to accept money for gas when I offer it, and to not ever ask me to be around him when she is not there…
because although I desperately want to be his friend, and I enjoy discussing theology with him, I have never been physically attracted to a guy like this before - and I don’t know what these feelings are, let alone how to control them - so I need that distance.
plus, I think I need to stop discussing theology with him no matter how enjoyable it is; he is very intelligent, and he is the only person who has ever made me doubt what I am doing this year, instilling doubts which I then had to clear up with my spiritual director and am now past. I get the feeling he is trying to instill doubt about the Catholic Church in me, trying to convert me so that I might then be acceptable dating material.
I just want to let him know that he is hurting me and confusing me with the mixed messages he is sending, by things he has said and done, and that though I value his friendship I need a little bit more distance to protect myself as well as him and his current girlfriend.