Oh, where oh where to start.
My oldest sister, Mary, and I have a very distant relationship. This is primarily due to the fact that she is 18 years older and we share virtually none of the same lifestyle choices, opinions, or beliefs. (Though we are both Catholic).
Over Christmas time, my other siblings and I staged an intervention at Mary’s house. She has been feigning illness for as long as I can remember, and although we believed she was actually sick, we now know that she is really mentally ill, but not nearly as physically ill as we had thought. Specifically, we believed her to be suffering from numerous terminal, life-altering illnesses when she actually just has a few minor chronic ailments and more than likely was inflicting damage to herself to get attention.Due to our intervention, she is now receiving psychiatric help.
My quandary is this. Mary has a spotty relationship with our 74 year old mother. She talks to her two or three times a month, and each time, she says something hurtful and generally untrue. Mary seems to know exactly what to say to Mom to cause her distress. Yesterday, she called Mom and told her that all of us had spoken and she was appointed the person responsible to contact Mom and tell her that she had to get a Medalert bracelent. This was a complete fabrication. Not one of us had voiced this thought. I called each of my other siblings to confirm this before calling my mom and reassuring her.
My mom was hurt and offended and called me to inquire as to why we would have decided such a thing. This is a minor example, but other lies she has told our mom have really caused her pain (not to mention lying to her about dying, which caused my mom untold grief!)
I would very much like to call Mary and tell her to quit telling mom these lies. But then again, I think due to her mental illnesses, it would probably not do any good. Mary enjoys attention so much, and I do not want to feed into that, but I also wish she would quit telling our mother so many lies. My mom and I talk each day so when she has these conversations I can quickly correct the fabrications, but in the meantime it is causing her pain. It is also hurting her to know that her own daughter is trying to cause her emotional pain!
So my question is, would you say something or would you leave it alone?