my husband and I have been married for 7 years. We are from different cultures, and he is Catholic - I have gone through RCIA and hope to be in the church soon (I am lutheran originally). Anyway, we have pretty much always had a bad marriage except for maybe the first year. Lots of arguments and such. But at first, my husband tried to be understanding as he wants everything his way, but now he immediately gets mad if he doesn’t like my cooking (hardly ever likes it, but you know, I didn’t grow up in his culture with his food, so at least I try and everyone else seems to like it), and if there is a dish not washed, or something like that, then I am a horrible housekeeper, and as for the bedroom - well we don’t even share one anymore and haven’t since 2005. So, basically to him I am a failure in all those areas, so I am not worthy of him. And especialy in the looks department, I am 30 pounds lighter than when we dated, but he wants another 50 off (which would be in the middle of normal weight range for my height). So, this is something he brings up everyday.
He finds any reason to leave like joining a class so he can get away from us. he says we cling to him and he doesn’t need a wife and kid.
Anyway, to move on, he does not want to be married anymore - I do. He says he 70% hates me, 30% likes me, and 0% loves me. He wants me to move out, and either him pay some child support and see our 2 year old twice a month, or for me to just leave with our child and he’ll not se him except for when he feels like he wants too. Or, he says I can stay in the apartment and he can see our child and we will be roomates- basically I stay away from him when he’s home, he will cook for himself, take care of himself. He wants to put our son in daycare and for me to get a job then and split the bills. If we want to talk, we’ll just write notes to eachother. Of course, this won’t work long term though because what about when one of us takes a job somewhere else, or wants to buy a house, then there needs to be communication!
I know we have problems, but I think a marriage is a vow and should be worked through. He thinks he’s not happy so he wants out.
What should I do? Leave and have an okay relationship with him and move on, or stay as roommates and hope that it works out? I feel like I am being controlled and I don’t want to have to go all to his way and I don’t want to be loved only when I am in the correct weight range, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be healthy for me to lose that extra weight, and I am not trying to make an excuse, but I think divorce is a very big deal, and I don’t think anyone will be any better off in the end of divorce. I feel like maybe if I stay, even if it’s as roommates and come more to his way, there may be a chance later.
What should i do?