Should I still send her a Christmas card?


#1

I was seeing this girl for a few months, and then she broke up with me. Things ended on OK terms. She and I decided that there should be some time before resuming contact as friends if possible. Should I still send her a Christmas card? I do miss her company. Thank you.


#2

I wouldn't recommend it. Sorry to hear about the break up, I've been following your threads.


#3

No.


#4

I vote no.


#5

IMO, since you both agreed to wait some time before resuming
contact, I'd have to say no, not a good idea.


#6

I haven't seen your previous threads as far as I am aware, but if she's told you it's over, respect it, and DON'T send the card.


#7

Thank you for the responses so far. I was planning to send her the card, but since the overwhelming majority of posters do not think it's a good idea, it's definitely giving me pause. Perhaps a little more background may help. She and I were supposed to get together as friends a while back, but I canceled, because I didn't think I was ready. She wanted to continue the friendship, but I'm actually a little iffy, because I have to admit that I still like her. Basically, the ball is in my court whether I want to stay in touch - with her consent of course.

I think there are a few reasons for the breakup.

[LIST=1]
*]Neither she nor I was really ready for a relationship.
*]Things were moving a little too fast, and I think I may have scared her off.
*]The long-distance part of it definitely had something to do with it.
[/LIST]

During one of the conversations that she and I had, she said that she wanted to be friends, with the possibility of something more in the future. She said she and I should see other people, but it seems that she and I are both taking a break from dating, at least for the time being. Maybe it's all in my head, but I've got enough stuff on my plate right now, that I don't really have the time to worry about this. I just thought the Christmas card might be a nice gesture to show her that I want to stay in touch and that I value her as a friend.


#8

No, don't do it.


#9

right now i am in your ex's shoes. Do not contact her in any way right now. No christmas card or text messages or anything. The best thing you can do is pray for her but let her go.If she wants your frienship she will reach out to you if and when she is ready.

If you didn't have an established friendship before you started dating then you might just want to let her go period but this something you can think about later on. The consent strain of whether to contact someone or the random popping up of the ex is constant little re-emerging of any old wounds on both parties.

Sometimes people are brought in your lives for a reason. Maybe to open you up so you can start seeing what God's plan is for you. It doesn't mean that that person is the one for you but the catyalst and maybe they aren't suppose to stay in your life forever. Friendships aren't forced.


#10

How long ago did you decide to give each other some space? If it was 2 weeks then no card but if it was early November or before, sure send a card sometime late next week just before Christmas. Don't make it too personal or anything, just wish her a Merry Christmas.

Joe


#11

It happened in late October.

Man, I seriously hope she’s not reading this board.


#12

[quote="ThereIsThisGirl, post:11, topic:222364"]
It happened in late October.

Man, I seriously hope she's not reading this board.

[/quote]

Forget the card.
Step up to the plate.
Drive to wherever she is and ask to take her out for a Christmas something or other. She can only say yes or no.
Either way,you wont die wondering.


#13

I have been following your threads. I am sorry it didn't work out, but I think part of the reason is that you were too obsssesed with her. You have been posting about her constantly, and in this world of stalkers and controlling boyfriends your obsession with her might have shown through and made her afraid of the type of boyfriend you would be. Believe me, this is something women are definitely concerned with. I've seen it happen many times, and it's scary to be persued by someone who knows you are not interested in them. She broke up with you - that means she is not interested in you right now and I think you ought to respect that.

Things were moving a little too fast, and I think I may have scared her off.

The above quote is exactly why you shouldn't send her a card. You obssesed over her after meeting her, posted about her a lot, and wanted things to move way too quickly. As soon as you met her you were posting about how soon you could ask her to be your girlfriend, then you posted about when you can have your first kiss, etc., and I don't think obsessing over whether you can still be friends and/or get back together or even just keep up contact is a good idea at all. If this really were no big deal as you say it is in yoru second post, you wouldn't be spending time posting about it. You would have either just sent the card or not sent it without a second thought. It is time to stop thinking about her and move on. Take this with a grain of salt because of course there is no way for me to know what's really going through your mind, but I would consider talking with a professional if you think you might be too clingy/obsessive/controlling or something else negative when it comes to relationships. If someone wants to be in a succesful relationship, they need to first make sure they are emotionally and psychologically ready for it. As a woman, your posts are ringing lots of alarm bells for me.

I would suggest letting her decide whether she wants to have contact with you. Who knows, maybe she told you she would consider a friendship in the future as a way to let you down gently. Learn to just let things happen naturally rather than worrying about how to make it all turn out the way you want it.'

I hope in the future things will work out and you will find another good woman and enjoy a happy, healthy relationship together!


#14

[quote="Charlotte1776, post:13, topic:222364"]
I have been following your threads. I am sorry it didn't work out, but I think part of the reason is that you were too obsssesed with her. You have been posting about her constantly, and in this world of stalkers and controlling boyfriends your obsession with her might have shown through and made her afraid of the type of boyfriend you would be. Believe me, this is something women are definitely concerned with. I've seen it happen many times, and it's scary to be persued by someone who knows you are not interested in them. She broke up with you - that means she is not interested in you right now and I think you ought to respect that.

The above quote is exactly why you shouldn't send her a card. You obssesed over her after meeting her, posted about her a lot, and wanted things to move way too quickly. As soon as you met her you were posting about how soon you could ask her to be your girlfriend, then you posted about when you can have your first kiss, etc., and I don't think obsessing over whether you can still be friends and/or get back together or even just keep up contact is a good idea at all. If this really were no big deal as you say it is in yoru second post, you wouldn't be spending time posting about it. You would have either just sent the card or not sent it without a second thought. It is time to stop thinking about her and move on. Take this with a grain of salt because of course there is no way for me to know what's really going through your mind, but I would consider talking with a professional if you think you might be too clingy/obsessive/controlling or something else negative when it comes to relationships. If someone wants to be in a succesful relationship, they need to first make sure they are emotionally and psychologically ready for it. As a woman, your posts are ringing lots of alarm bells for me.

I would suggest letting her decide whether she wants to have contact with you. Who knows, maybe she told you she would consider a friendship in the future as a way to let you down gently. Learn to just let things happen naturally rather than worrying about how to make it all turn out the way you want it.'

I hope in the future things will work out and you will find another good woman and enjoy a happy, healthy relationship together!

[/quote]

Not a fair response.
Your response is pure conjecture and what's more it is based on the OP's own conjecture!


#15

[quote="ThereIsThisGirl, post:7, topic:222364"]
I'm actually a little iffy, because I have to admit that I still like her.

She said she and I should see other people

I've got enough stuff on my plate right now, that I don't really have the time to worry about this.

I value her as a friend.

[/quote]

Ok...so which is it? Are you her friend, or something more? You say you still have feelings for her. She said you both should "see other people." What does that say to you - about her feelings?


#16

[quote="BlueSprite, post:15, topic:222364"]
Ok...so which is it? Are you her friend, or something more? You say you still have feelings for her. She said you both should "see other people." What does that say to you - about her feelings?

[/quote]

BlueSprite, you missed this bit -

During one of the conversations that she and I had, she said that she wanted to be friends, with the possibility of something more in the future.

That poor girl is as confused as our OP.

So, again, I say to him step up to the plate, show some manly courage and leadership and go forth. The hero dies but once; the coward a thousand times over.

To quote Benjamin Disraeli
[LEFT]

Life is too short to be little. Man is never so manly as when he feels deeply, acts boldly, and expresses himself with frankness and with fervor.

%between%[/LEFT]


#17

Trying to contact this girl (especially in person) sounds like the worst advice I have heard in a long time. That screams CREEPER. It sounds like she has clearly stated that she wants space.


#18

[quote="John21652, post:16, topic:222364"]
BlueSprite, you missed this bit -

That poor girl is as confused as our OP.

So, again, I say to him step up to the plate, show some manly courage and leadership and go forth. The hero dies but once; the coward a thousand times over.

To quote Benjamin Disraeli
[LEFT]

%between%[/LEFT]

[/quote]

Ahhh you're right - I did miss that point. She is confused! Majorly! In which case I think the OP would be better off not getting involved...nothing is worse than trying to get involved with someone who isn't "sure." That to me says "they're just not that into you."

I always liked this line from a song - "I won't be chasing...someone that's complacent."

I think what you mention is the manly thing to do - and would impress a woman who knew a good man when she saw him - but the thing is, he's dealing with a girl who is lost - so showing up on her doorstep would freak her out. In fact (and I'm not saying he should do this) - but the best way to get someone who is "lukewarm" shall we say...is to do the "no contact rule." I mean ZERO contact. Then they get interested. Why? It's human nature. People are curious. If someone wants to break up with you - and you don't want to - you're best move is to go "ok...sure...you know what...I was thinking about this too and you're totally right. I think we should break-up too." And then smile, act cool, and leave. And then NO CONTACT for at least a few months. Trust me...you'll hear back from them.

But I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS at all. It only means you'll get involved in a lousy, most likely go-nowhere relationship because techniques like this work only work on the confused or "semi-interested." And who wants that anyway!?!!?

Personally, OP - I think you should walk on this one. If one day you hear from her and she's made up her mind and is crazy about you then fine. But if she's not - why waste your time? Don't you think you deserve more from someone?


#19

[quote="kib, post:17, topic:222364"]
Trying to contact this girl (especially in person) sounds like the worst advice I have heard in a long time. That screams CREEPER. It sounds like she has clearly stated that she wants space.

[/quote]

Sheer nonsense. You also didn't read his posts properly.
He wrote she wants to be friends with the possibility of something more in the future.

If he goes to see her, he will be an upfront, honest and straight-forward young man. Advice to the contrary is advocating cowardly, unfriendly behaviour.


#20

[quote="BlueSprite, post:18, topic:222364"]
Ahhh you're right - I did miss that point. She is confused! Majorly! In which case I think the OP would be better off not getting involved...nothing is worse than trying to get involved with someone who isn't "sure." That to me says "they're just not that into you."

I always liked this line from a song - "I won't be chasing...someone that's complacent."

I think what you mention is the manly thing to do - and would impress a woman who knew a good man when she saw him - but the thing is, he's dealing with a girl who is lost - so showing up on her doorstep would freak her out. In fact (and I'm not saying he should do this) - but the best way to get someone who is "lukewarm" shall we say...is to do the "no contact rule." I mean ZERO contact. Then they get interested. Why? It's human nature. People are curious. If someone wants to break up with you - and you don't want to - you're best move is to go "ok...sure...you know what...I was thinking about this too and you're totally right. I think we should break-up too." And then smile, act cool, and leave. And then NO CONTACT for at least a few months. Trust me...you'll hear back from them.

-]But I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS at all. It only means you'll get involved in a lousy, most likely go-nowhere relationship because techniques like this work only work on the confused or "semi-interested." And who wants that anyway!?!!?/-]

Personally, OP - I think you should walk on this one. If one day you hear from her and she's made up her mind and is crazy about you then fine. But if she's not - why waste your time? Don't you think you deserve more from someone?

[/quote]

Blue Sprite, what you wrote is very true, however, ahem, I hate to break the news to you again, but.......if you go back and read you will notice they broke up last October. That's nearly two months ago, so it's time he fronted up again, in person, like a man, with things to say.

And...Now either he shows leadership, or he waits to hear from her and she might be the very person who needs and wants some leadership. leadership might just take away her 'confusin', if that is what it is. It could be that she actually wants a certainty that our young suitor hasn't yet displayed. After all, he admitted to thinking it was all happening too fast, so I'd say it all caught him by surprise. Well, he (and she) have had two months to think about it, so let our young hero gird his loins and sally forth with manly earnest and steel in his spine!! :thumbsup:


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