Should I stop being a Catholic because of this?

I’m a transsexual and I’m also gay. I know the church considers homosexual acts a sin but I refuse to stop being who I am because of this. I don’t feel it’s fair that I should not be able to date others because I’m homosexual. I wanted to ask a priest about how the church felt about transsexuals (my mom once chastised me because she thought transsexuals were just very confused people) and if it was alright if I could still go to church (without taking taking communion of course because I haven’t gone to confession in like…a year) but I still don’t feel comfortable denouncing Catholicism as my religion or denouncing God altogether. I did that once (bad mistake, bad times) and I felt so lost and afraid without Him in my life. I begged Him for forgiveness and spent the entire night praying and the next morning I felt so much better, complete, and whole. I personally don’t believe I am doing wrong by choosing to be who I am - God made me this way for some reason. Choosing not to be who I am would be like me denying God’s gift to me.

Should I stop calling myself a Catholic because of this? I am confused. I don’t want to stop loving God. God is love, but I sometimes feel like religion is not. >:

Any serious answers/recommendations would be appreciated…

I am sorry that you have not received any answers, yet. I am not too informed on the teachings on transsexuals, so I do not want to say anything that might scandalize you. I will say a few things, though:

-For sure, this is a difficult fork in the road for you. There is no doubt about it. Many in your shoes would take the road which abandons God, but you have a sense of how important God is, and I admire you for that.

-This may sound terrible, but hear me out: “who you are” does not truly matter. This is so hard to hear for young people who buy into the whole notion of self-discovery, which, while very important, is not the whole story. What truly matters is who you are in Christ. And this makes all the difference, for without Christ, we are nothing. Sexuality is good and important, but more good and more important still is Christ and the eternal happiness we are called to share in Him.

-You are right, religion, per se, is not necessarily a good thing - there have been religions throughout history which practiced abominable things like human sacrifice. But Catholicism is not just any other religion - it is the Kingdom of God that Jesus came to establish. The Church was founded by the Son of God, and she has been given the authority to teach in His name. And part of the teaching of the Christ was sacrifice, that each of us has our cross to bear, and we must take it up daily. This is a harsh message, and this is why the world hates the Church as it hated Christ. His ways are not the ways of the world, and so there will always an aspect of struggle between the children of this world and the Church.

Beyond this, I do not know what else to say. I do not know why you are gay. Perhaps God is permitting this as your cross to bear. I can certainly see how you would think the teaching is unfair. :frowning: I hope you struggle with the Church, though, and keep on being a Catholic, just as many of the saints have struggled in obedience to the Church. If what we believe is true, that the Church was founded by God and teaches his Truth, then obedience is the best option, though we cannot see it right now.

If you think about it, it’s times like these where you need faith now more than ever, where the strength of your faith is put to the test. It will be hard, it will test and tempt you, but I think placing trust in God’s love and His Holy Church will eventually bring you peace and joy.

First - :gopray2:

Second, I can only answer as someone who believes the Catholic Faith to have been revealed by God. I think it might be helpful for you to look into why homosexual acts are sinful (rather than just hearing that they are sinful - a good moral theology manual should help you out). Also, consider the fact that many of the things that heterosexuals do before getting married are likewise sinful (e.g., fornication), so it’s not as though God or the Church is picking on homosexuals. The short and simple answer is that you are to obey God for the benefit of your soul, and this supersedes any pleasure you may receive by obeying your desires. As our Lord said, “For what doth it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his own soul? Or what exchange shall a man give for his soul?” (Matt. 16:26)

I would politely say that choosing to be who you are doesn’t make for a good argument in regard to what you choose to do. I can think of some obvious examples where your reasoning wouldn’t work, but I’ll try to remain brief. Regardless, doing “right” or “wrong” is more about what is in accord with reason and what respects the hierarchy of goods (e.g., goods of the soul are greater than goods of the body) than what we think it to be. There is an objective moral law that has been placed in our hearts by God and there’s also a divine law which He has revealed to us (the Ten Commandments). That is our standard for what is right and wrong, not what we subjectively think or feel to be right or wrong.

God made you the way He made you, although possibly not for the reason that you might think. It may very well be that your being transsexual/homosexual could be the cross you have to bear (the suffering you have to undergo). I have my “crosses” as well, things that I’d like to do but which I know are wrong to do (i.e. sinful habits). Resisting temptation and relying on Christ is what we are to do. In doing this you are not denying who you are but you are instead moving towards what you were destined to be, one of the elect. God created us to glorify Him and to spend eternity with Him in heaven; we get to heaven by knowing, loving and serving Him in this life. This is what we are all called to do.

I would recommend that you pray daily - morning prayers and evening prayers, with short prayers during the day (“Blessed be God thrice holy!”). Say the Rosary, attend Holy Mass on Sundays, and go to Confession. Focus your energy on living a holy life and attaining heaven rather than giving in to your desires. It’s extremely hard, but with the grace of God, nothing is impossible.

:gopray2: - You’ll be in my prayers. :slight_smile:

God absolutely loves you for who you are. Enough to die for you on the Cross. Just loves you more than you or I could ever imagine - it’s jaw-dropping. But don’t sell yourself short. Dating or having sex with other men isn’t “who you are,” but what you choose to do. And with the power of God, and with His constant help, you can choose to do something else. You’re right that God made you how you are, but He made all of us naturally prone to certain temptations. To say, “God made me with these temptations, so I’m going to give into them” is to ignore everything *He *has to say on the matter.

I’m thankful you don’t take Communion, and it sounds like even though you’ve got some serious problems to work through, you also genuinely love God, and respect Him enough to even be asking this.

An author who might be helpful in all of this is Evelyn Waugh. He was possibly bisexual, or at least had homosexual relationships in college, and is pretty open about this in his thinly-veiled autobiography Brideshead Revisited. But at heart, it’s not a story about being gay, but about the grace of God and redemption. It’s beautiful to boot, a novel beloved even by non-believers. I know other authors, like Graham Greene, struggled with sexual sins (heterosexual ones, in his case) while being passionately Catholic, but I’m not nearly as familiar with Greene’s work, so I’m not sure if he’s a good person to recommend. Power and Glory is good, though, in showing God’s grace working through very broken and sinful people.

But to finally get to your question, it’s admittedly a tough one. I’d say it depends on the circumstances. Since you’re Baptized, you’ll always be in some sense a Catholic, no matter how far or wide you travel. Know this in your heart - you’ve always got a home with us, no matter what you do, and no matter how unwelcome some people may make you feel. But if I were you, out of respect for the Church, I wouldn’t hold myself out as a Catholic if I were going to then disagree with something the Church teaches. It confuses non-Catholics or those struggling with their faith, and you may inadvertently do a lot of damage.

But that’s assuming you remain a Catholic opposed to what the Catholic Church teaches, a recipe for unhappiness. And you can’t turn your back on God and His Church, as you’ve found. You’re too Catholic. Instead of those two options, then, I’d say that you should just be Catholic to the fullest. Act as the Church would have you act, and then see if you’re not happier as a result. No need to be dishonest or the rest, but just try it the Church’s way, and seek all the support you can get. Groups like Courage are a great resource. Pray constantly, and I’ll pray for you.

Okay, I am trying to wrap my mind around this.

According to the formal definition by Merriam–Webster, the term homosexual is defined as “of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same gender.”

transexual - a person whose sexual identification is entirely with the opposite sex

This is an important distinction. One can “be” oneself without committing sins, no matter what one’s sexual orientation may be.

However, if you are refusing to refrain from committing sins, then you are in a state of open rebellion against your Creator. Shall the clay say unto the potter, why hast thou made me thus? Who are you do dictate to your Maker what is right?

First of all, your concept of what is "fair’ or not is not the eternal standard by which your soul will be judged.

Second, who says you can’t date because you are homosexual?

The Church teaching is that one can live a chaste lifestyle no matter what one’s sexual orientation. We are also expected to accept and live a holy life in the bodies that we have.
Our bodies are the temples of the holy ghost. It is good that you are not adding sin to sins by attempting to receive communion if you are in a state of mortal sin.

It also does not commend your soul to God if you go to confession when you have already made up your mind that the “fair” thing for you to do is continue in your sins. Such a confession would not be valid, or efficacious.

It appears that the searing of your conscience has not yet reached its full measure. This is a very good sign.

It does cause a scandal when a person claims to be Catholic but rejects the teachings of the Church. On the other hand, if you were baptized Catholic, then you can’t really “stop being a Catholic” because of this, or anything else. If you choose a lifestyle of sin, all it means is that you are a fallen away Catholic.

People who are not called to the marriage of one man with one woman may be called to another lifestyle. For persons who are homosexually oriented, the call is to celibacy. This is God’s plan for His Church. If you refuse to participate in God’s plan for your life, you will wound yourself, and the Church. That is a serious answer, and a serious recommendation. You will be in my prayers.

It does seem like a contradiction in terms.

sexuality is a tremendous gift from God. we don’t know why some people have a same sex attraction, but right now all the experts say is that is what happens, and they officially call that condtion “normal.”

As a Church, we have a long way to go in living up to the gospel message, such as when Paul (I think) writes that we should help carry each other’s burdens. right now, the Church does not seem to hold out much help, to help carry the burdens of those who are SSA.

I’ve been reading Jewish scripture commentaries for a couple years now, and they have a way of explaining things that are very powerful for being spiritually uplifting. When we get comfortable with any form of sinfulness that we excuse ourselves for, we have to realize how damaging that is to our relationship with God. And, as strong and specific as our temptations are, our desire to be on an acceptable footing with God should be as strong, or really, stronger than our individual passions. That is the truth for all people in all places in all circumstances. That is the message of the Torah for Jews and of the gospel for all Christians.

So, the situation may be that, at first, the difference between one’s feelings and one’s conduct may be almost nothing, but one should begin by drawing a line that he/she will not cross, and then building a wall on top of that line as time goes by, to keep oneself separated from the conduct and lifestyle that one feels drawn to.

It may be a struggle hour by hour, day by day, etc. Jesus said that the path to eternal life in God is hard to find and hard to travel, and the gate to eternal life is narrow. So, that is what each one of us, everyone of us, is confronted with.

In Jewish and Christian thought, there are unique but parallel concepts of what Catholics term the universal call to holiness.

These are based on Dt 6:4 ff and on Mk 12:30 where Jesus says [the greatest commandment is] “you shall love the LORD your God with all you heart, with all your soul, with all you mind, and with all your strength.”

The Jews explain that each successive term is more difficult than the preceding, so that loving God with all our soul is more difficult than loving God with all our heart. So, then, you have to start by loving God with all your heart (includes an active prayer life) and then move on to a level of loving God with all our soul (which means loving God even to the point of losing our life), loving God with all our mind ( which Jesus added, to expand the command in Dt 6:4) etc. Loving God with all our strength Judaism interprets as meaning to love God with all our resources, including money, or in other words, even all our money.

So, God’s standards for EVERY person are very high. Easy? No. But, don’t give up on the Church without realizing what you have IN the Church and what God is calling each person, in love, to do and to be. And, it is because each person including you have been made in the image and likeness of God Himself.

Join me in praying for a cure for homosexuality.

whoops I replied to my own post when I meant to edit my post (for spelling).


One thing we can know for sure, that God uses all things to bring us to Himself, and to perfect us in HIs grace. Some people can best be perfected when they suffer certain conditions. He knows what we have need of before we ask it.

I am curious why you say this. Are you speaking for yourself? Do you not hold up much help?

I do agree with you that modern science has helped the Church to better understand and respond the the various ills of mankind, like SSA, mental illnesses, domestic violence, and a host of other social and personal problems.

This is well said. It is also why a statement like this one:

is especially concerning. If we refuse to embrace God’s commandments, and insist on clinging to our own perceptions of what is fair, we will never be able to focus on God as the center of our lives.

One thing I have noticed is that some people define themselves by their sexual orientation, rather than their relationship with God. If God comes first, then defining ourselves according to our relationship with Him will govern all the other ways we define and conduct ourselves.

Jesus IS the cure, for everything that afflicts us. :smiley:

There’s an aspect of Jewish interpretation of scripture that we Christians would well adapt.

The Hebrew word for ‘commandment’ is mitzvah. That is the literal translation of the word, but the idiomatic translation – the theological understanding of the word – is “blessing.”

Commandments are not just do’s and don’ts, like don’t lie with a man like with a woman, is also a blessing, because it is a revelation of how to maintain a proper relationship with God, how to maintain the individual and collective covenant relationship with God.

So, the revelation of God’s will in scripture is also a blessing. And, aside from the theological truth of the matter, it gives us the certainty that it is God’s will, and that observing the commandment is a blessing in itself.

Part of the understanding of the commandment against lying with a man like with a woman is also to be understood in the likely historical context that such a practice was probably a part of ancient pagan worship. It is also the association of that practice with a pagan worship that is abhorrent to God.

Judaism recognizes in the 613 commands of the Torah a reflection of 613 specific and perhaps even an uncountable number of ‘evil impulses’ in men and women to do the opposite of the commands. So, it is not fair to say that the commands of the Torah did not reflect an understanding of underlying impulses in people. That’s exactly what the Torah [God’s instruction] was about – and exactly about using our free will to put us into compliance with the covenant demands.

ddawg1127, God wants more for you than you want for yourself.

P’shaw darling. If you must stop “being Catholic” because of unrepentant sin; then I’m afraid you would have to expect some 80% of “Catholics” to cease attending Mass as well (that’s the latest percentage I heard regarding “secular Catholics”; that is Catholics who call themselves Catholic yet choose to believe only what seems “right” to them based on the dictates of popular culture rather than the wisdom of Holy Mother Church).

Oh my goodness, I was one of those for years. Mostly because I was born in the early 70’s to a mother who was never properly catechized to begin with. I HAD no idea that certain things were sins. I mean real sins. Though I never missed a Sunday Mass, for example, I had no clue that the Church was opposed to Abortion until I was 21.

It’s been a long road, but I HAVE come to understand that sex can be a hugely delimiting factor when we want to be closer to God. I’m talking about promiscuity; be it hetero or homosexual. Believe me, brother (or sister), in this day and age, you have to look far for someone who can’t relate to having intimate knowledge of this sin; very often unrepentantly.

My point: you aren’t nearly as alone as you think you are on in this trial; in fact, you may solidly count yourself in the majority.

Should any of us who are in this state of worldly-mindedness and rebellion be taking communion? No. Do most anyway? My guess is “likely” only because this sort of thing has not nearly been emphasized enough.

I see the problem, if a thing is a sin, yet it is clearly in your nature to do that very thing, does it make you a bad person; like just inherently and unredeemably wrong?

Goodness no. No more than the rest of us poor fallen sinners.

My suggestion, when you want and to hear Jesus tell you what He wants, is to read the Bible, especially the New Testament and ESPECIALLY the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke & John). Even if you don’t take communion, still go to Mass. Understand that Mass is a special opportunity for God to speak to your heart. Always look for it. Stop looking for validation from us mooks. We have not the slightest idea what any of the rest of us are going through in our walks with God. At the end of the day, it is always between you and God. In other words, you can trust to let the Church (which brought you the bible BTW) be your guide; not necessarily, the sinners in it.

It makes perfect sense.

We’re talking about a man who likes men; just as a woman would like men. Carry the identification with the feminine a little farther than just liking men, and you get the transsexual aspect.

Clear now?

Here is what the cathecism says:
Chastity and homosexuality

2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity,140 tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered."141 They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

Please do not give up your Catholic faith. God loves you … He doesn’t make mistakes.

We will be praying for you, know that God loves you and is with you during this pivotal moment in your life.


  • I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us. – Romans 8:18

The whole 8th chapter of Romans is full of hope and consolation from a Heavenly perspective. Give it a look! :bible1: :heaven:

This is an amazing thread - helpful and non-argumentative. :aok:

OP, wishing you all the best, and be assured I will be praying for you. I’m a celibate heterosexual female, I don’t struggle too much with celibacy per se, but sometimes I get to wondering if I were to just hook up with some guy and cohabitate, I might be able to improve my financial situation, LOL. (Kidding!:o)

But srlsy, I know that’s not what God wants for me, and it’s not what I’d really want. We just have to bear our individual crosses the best we can. And keep up hope.

God Bless everyone who posted! :yup: I’m going to keep this thread bookmarked for future reference.

I’ll pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you. let me echo what another poster said. “please don’t stop being a Catholc” I belive Jesus said come to me all you that labor and are burden and I well refresh you. with love jesus g

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