Should I suggest my daughter delay confirmation?


#1

Our daughter is in a Catholic school, in 8th grade. Confirmation is in 2 months. Very few of the Catholic students in her class attend Sunday mass regularly; most never attend Sunday mass; yet almost all of them will be confirmed. I've had a negative view of her classmates for the past year especially. That is when several girls in her class were masturbating as a group during recess, out in the open! My daughter is a good girl, quite innocent, and seemed somewhat traumatized by what she had seen. I was very upset about it and let the principal know and now they think I'm too strict, uptight, etc. most of the kids are from wealthy families and their parents let them do whatever they want:(

I am worried that my daughter will not benefit from the sacrament in this setting. Her classmates don't care about confirmation, the Church, etc. should she consider waiting? Perhaps in a few years we will be in a different parish and she will be surrounded by better influences.


#2

No.


#3

External circumstances notwithstanding, if your daughter is ready for confirmation I don't see what purpose it would serve to keep it from her, even temporarily. That others may not be ready is no reason to deny someone who is.


#4

[quote="UpUpAndAway, post:3, topic:337045"]
External circumstances notwithstanding, if your daughter is ready for confirmation I don't see what purpose it would serve to keep it from her, even temporarily. That others may not be ready is no reason to deny someone who is.

[/quote]

I have to agree with this. One's readiness to receive a sacrament depends on the individual oneself, not on the readiness of one's contemporaries.


#5

No. She needs the graces received in confirmation. The other kids have nothing to do with her reception. Don't turn this into a group thing where she has to remember and be bonded to whoever else was confirmed at the same time. Emphasis with her that she will be confirmed in her baptism graces and draw strength from God.
What I would do is look into other schools for her if the administration did nothing about the incident you mention and the other families are permissive and clueless.


#6

Absolutely! And I’d take it all the way up whatever the chain of command is for schools in your diocese.


#7

[quote="Pearl2008, post:1, topic:337045"]
Our daughter is in a Catholic school, in 8th grade. Confirmation is in 2 months. Very few of the Catholic students in her class attend Sunday mass regularly; most never attend Sunday mass; yet almost all of them will be confirmed. I've had a negative view of her classmates for the past year especially. That is when several girls in her class were masturbating as a group during recess, out in the open! My daughter is a good girl, quite innocent, and seemed somewhat traumatized by what she had seen. I was very upset about it and let the principal know and now they think I'm too strict, uptight, etc. most of the kids are from wealthy families and their parents let them do whatever they want:(

I am worried that my daughter will not benefit from the sacrament in this setting. Her classmates don't care about confirmation, the Church, etc. should she consider waiting? Perhaps in a few years we will be in a different parish and she will be surrounded by better influences.

[/quote]

If this is a parish school, talk to the pastor. He should exercise his authority to force the principle to permanently expell those girls. In addition he should hold separate sessions with the girls and boys to explain how evil such behavior is and to warn them that anyone engaging in that activity at school will be expelled. If that fails go to the Bishop. There is no reason for this behavior to be tolerated. If the situation does not change, change schools or home school, no matter what. You know I was in my twenties before I knew of such behavior on the part of girls and even then I didn't believer it.

Linus2nd


#8

My experience with Catholic schools anymore is that they are not there to serve the Catholic kids but those whose parents don't want them in public schools and who have large wallets. So they are seen more like a "private" school than a Catholic school.

My kids attended one for several years until I pulled them out and decided to homeschool. The garbage that was tolerated at this school because this kids mom was in charge of alot of the different committees or this kids dad was a powerful person or so and so's family donated large sums of cash, you get the picture.

When I attended Catholic schools in the 60's and 70's they were for Catholic children and no nonsense was tolerated by the sisters. The school my kids attended didn't even have any sisters teaching at it or associated with it. And I believe they said only 40% of the kids were Catholic.

Don't get me wrong, some Catholic schools still care about the Catholic kids and will do all they can to get them to attend. But they are few and far between in my opinion.


#9

Your daughter's confirmation is between her and God. If she's spiritually ready it doesn't matter if the others in her confirmation class aren't. Please don't try to get her to delay her confirmation because of the actions of others.


#10

[quote="Pearl2008, post:1, topic:337045"]
Our daughter is in a Catholic school, in 8th grade. Confirmation is in 2 months. Very few of the Catholic students in her class attend Sunday mass regularly; most never attend Sunday mass; yet almost all of them will be confirmed. I've had a negative view of her classmates for the past year especially. That is when several girls in her class were masturbating as a group during recess, out in the open! My daughter is a good girl, quite innocent, and seemed somewhat traumatized by what she had seen. I was very upset about it and let the principal know and now they think I'm too strict, uptight, etc. most of the kids are from wealthy families and their parents let them do whatever they want:(

I am worried that my daughter will not benefit from the sacrament in this setting. Her classmates don't care about confirmation, the Church, etc. should she consider waiting? Perhaps in a few years we will be in a different parish and she will be surrounded by better influences.

[/quote]

What others in her class are doing or not doing has nothing to do with your daughter's confirmation because it sounds like she is more ready than her fellow class mates. Confirmation will give her graces to continue to grow. Just because you have poor behavior by others in her group should have not barring on her. If what you described truly happen on the playground and the principal is looking the other way, then you need to talk with the priest. If he is unwilling to do something about the lack or moral discipline then you need to have to guts to go to the Bishop and the diocese superintendent. I am assuming that your daughter will be graduating and moving on to high school and will be out of there soon.


#11

[quote="maltmom, post:9, topic:337045"]
Your daughter's confirmation is between her and God. If she's spiritually ready it doesn't matter if the others in her confirmation class aren't. Please don't try to get her to delay her confirmation because of the actions of others.

[/quote]

I was going to post until I read this. This is the best answer. Totally agree. Please allow your daughter's confirmation to go ahead. Why should she be denied the graces she'll receive?


#12

As Confirmation teacher I have a slightly different attitude. First of all, if you daughter is truly desirous and ready for the sacrament, she should be Confirmed. I think all of the posters are correct about that. The Church does not want to deny a sacrament to those who seek. However, I also know how significant the actual sacrament and liturgy can be to my students. It can be a very powerful experience. However, if your daughters class is full of students who have essentially made a mockery and almost a sacrilege of the entire sacrament and the Confirmation process they very well could be quite distracting to your daughters Confirmation liturgy. While as adults we are supposed to learn to tune out distractions during mass,such as the crying baby, or chatty couple behind us, as a young person this is more difficult and could even ruin the experience for her. Technically, of course, it has no impact on the efficacy of the sacrament itself. However, she deserves a reverential and solemn as well as joyous experience. If this is not possible with her current class, I would see if you can find another parish Confirmation mass to join. The pastor will probably not like this as he is somewhat at fault for not being aware of the lack of preparedness of her class and this could make him even more defensive about her seeking another Confirmation liturgy. But if her classmates are truly this disinterested or even seemingly hostile to the sacrament, who knows what she can expect from them during the Confirmation Mass? Im not suggesting you pull her from it definitely, but I do think it would be worthwhile to consider some options without letting her know at first. And if something is possible, then share the idea with her to see if she is interested. But dont force her to change if she thinks her experience at your parish can be what it should be - sacred. See if she can find some solidarity with any other students who actually share her faithfulness and can support one another during the Confirmation so she doesnt feel alone with supposed confirmandi who reject everything. I know we have had students celebrate Confirmation elsewhere under extenuating circumstances, but I dont know the exact criteria or factors that allowed this to happen. In any event, I definitely think its worth the consideration to find another liturgy, but as the other posters noted, it shouldnt be delayed indefinitely. God bless you for you concern as a mother! And God bless your daughter in her growth in our Catholic faith. I pray she holds fast to her faith as she moves to college and beyond!


#13

Let her be an example to the other girls.


#14

[quote="Pearl2008, post:1, topic:337045"]
Our daughter is in a Catholic school, in 8th grade. Confirmation is in 2 months. Very few of the Catholic students in her class attend Sunday mass regularly; most never attend Sunday mass; yet almost all of them will be confirmed. I've had a negative view of her classmates for the past year especially. That is when several girls in her class were masturbating as a group during recess, out in the open! My daughter is a good girl, quite innocent, and seemed somewhat traumatized by what she had seen. I was very upset about it and let the principal know and now they think I'm too strict, uptight, etc. most of the kids are from wealthy families and their parents let them do whatever they want:(

I am worried that my daughter will not benefit from the sacrament in this setting. Her classmates don't care about confirmation, the Church, etc. should she consider waiting? Perhaps in a few years we will be in a different parish and she will be surrounded by better influences.

[/quote]

Ask your daughter and see what she thinks she may want to do about confirmation. But an word of caution, To 'simply' delay it my cause her inner turmoil and grief in thinking she has done wrong not to deserve being confirmed at the same time as the rest in years to come and may lead to further social embarrassment in school as kids can be cruel


#15

As a parent and as a religious educator...

Never allow your children's sacramental decision be made based on others.


#16

It really is your daughter's decision. She is old enough.


#17

[quote="illinidiva, post:16, topic:337045"]
It really is your daughter's decision. She is old enough.

[/quote]

Hmm... I think it is thinking like this over the past 10 or so years that seen the Church begin to fall apart in a few areas of the country/world.


#18

[quote="dconklin, post:17, topic:337045"]
Hmm... I think it is thinking like this over the past 10 or so years that seen the Church begin to fall apart in a few areas of the country/world.

[/quote]

The daughter is of the age of reason, so she actually does have a say in this. There are many children who feel that they are being forced to do something around the time they are starting to experience doubts and questioning the world around them. If they have a bad experience now, then they are likely to become a lapsed Catholic later in life.

In all reality, it is probably best for Confirmation to be delayed a bit until teens can make an informed decision.


#19

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