Should I suppress my effeminate behavior?

Hello and thanks for taking the time to read my question,

I’ve searched all over the internet for this particular issue, but haven’t seemed to find my particular situation addressed by any of these sites.

I am an 18 year old Catholic male who has had a strong faith in God all my life and seem to view him more as a forgiving, gentle God found in the New Testament as supposed to a wrathful, angry God found in the Old Testament. For this reason, I seem to believe that God will not put his judgement upon you with regards to your personality/natural inclinations but will do so as far as the lifestyle you choose to lead. Though my personality and mannerisms are effeminate, I believe they make me who I am, as God created me to be. In addition, I feel I should add I have never desired to be a woman and have never shown homosexual tendencies, both subjects argued to be ungodly. I do not see myself as harming anyone with my personality, and for that reason have justified that behavior in my actions. Is being effeminate a sin? Should I suppress it? Or should I embrace who I am?


Hi Austin,

That’s a good question. I’m glad you asked it because I suspect that there are many others who have needed to ask it and haven’t. Mannerisms are learned. Boys learn to behave like men by watching their fathers or other male role models. When such role models are absent, they will most often unconsciously imitate the manners of women. This is no way decreases their value as persons. Our ultimate value comes from who we are and not from what we do.

You ask if you should suppress your effeminate ways or embrace who you are. But your effeminate behavior does NOT express who you are. You are a man and not a woman. I suggest that you need to learn how to more accurately demonstrate who you are by learning masculine mannerisms. You do this by observing masculine behavior in other men. This is quite do-able. If you would like to pursue this further with me, just click on my name and we can discuss it privately. You are in my prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

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