Should I talk to her about this or not say anything?


#1

I've told this girl, a long time ago that I like her romantically, she knows that. I've known her since high school, we're in college. We agreed that we should be friends first before allowing anything else to possibly develop. We usually talk often on facebook, but we also get together sometimes. I admit I still don't know her quite as well as I'd like to, but I know she is a really good girl, I know that she would never do anything really bad, she dresses modestly, she comes from a Christian family and I can tell she has good parents who brought her up well, she also spends time with her family a lot. So heres the thing, shes had a birthday today, turned 21. On her wall section (on facebook) I noticed that her and her friends were going to go downtown and have drinks and her friend and her (its also her friends birthday) were going to run through downtown naked. Now, I realize that this may be a one time thing, maybe not, but I honestly think streaking is incredibly rude and crosses the line. It sort of hurts me that she would do something like that, I don't agree with it, it digests me that random people, especially gross men would see her naked and make sick jokes about it, I wouldnt want anyone to look or talk that way about my mom either. On the other hand, there was one occasion where I jokingly said that once school was over during summer, I would "watch everything we had from work, porn included (kidding)" (i used to work at a video store at the time, it had an adult section in the back). I honestly do not watch that, it was a dumb joke, but she said, "you better not be watching any porn!!" I take it she was probably serious about that comment, so now I'm just thinking she's sort of hypocritical for telling me not to watch porn (which I don't) but she thinks its fine if she runs around naked on her birthday? So I'm not sure if this is just a phase thing, but I'm just afraid that something like this will scare me away and risk the chance of missing out on something good developing with us because I feel like we have plenty in common and shes definitely the type I'd like to marry someday (sans the streaking thing), but I don't want to blow it over something that might not be worth blowing it over. Should I at least tell her what I think of that? I feel like she must care to some degree about what I think. Sorry, I know this was long.


#2

How many years ago did she tell you not to watch porn? When you are young, your ideas on those things can change in a short period of time.

If she is the type to write on face book that she is going to streak (I am assuming she is serious and it is not a joke) then it appears you don't know her half as much as you think you do. It almost seems you have create an imagine of an Angel that does not exist in reality.

I think you should let her do what she wants. You can not control people and she is NOT your wife. If she goes along with it, I think you should seriously consider trying to meet other girls

CM


#3

[quote="cmscms, post:2, topic:215110"]
How many years ago did she tell you not to watch porn? When you are young, your ideas on those things can change in a short period of time.

[/quote]

This was just last summer and we are the same age.

[quote="cmscms, post:2, topic:215110"]
I think you should let her do what she wants. You can not control people and she is NOT your wife. If she goes along with it, I think you should seriously consider trying to meet other girls

CM

[/quote]

I'm not trying to control her, I'm not someone who does that, but I'm just wondering if its something that I should bring up just so that she knows what I feel about that or if its anything that should even bother me that much at all. I don't think its bad enough to make me run the other way, but it did make me uncomfortable.


#4

In your part of the world, 21 is coming of age, right?

Most girls do something nice for their coming of age - a dress-up party for their friends, where everyone wears ball gowns and tuxes, and a nice catered dinner, and dancing to follow, with maybe a glass of champagne at dinner, and liqueur in the coffee at dessert, but nothing too much - everyone feels good, but nobody is drunk - and certainly, nobody is running around naked.

Maybe the FaceBook thing is just a joke - hopefully it is - but if this is really what she is planning to do for her coming of age, she's not the girl I would recommend for my own son to date or marry, for sure! I think it also says something about her friendship with you that she never invited you to her birthday party, in any case.

I would just move on, if I were you.


#5

I'm going to guess she and her friend were joking... I wouldn't be too worried about it. If it concerns you just ask if she is being serious.


#6

[quote="atac57, post:3, topic:215110"]

I'm not trying to control her, I'm not someone who does that, but I'm just wondering if its something that I should bring up just so that she knows what I feel about that or if its anything that should even bother me that much at all. I don't think its bad enough to make me run the other way, but it did make me uncomfortable.

[/quote]

If she is joking, I would let it go. If she really does do it, you are totally wise to be uncomfortable with and you should forget about her. I agree with the person who asked why you weren't invited. If it is a girls night out OK. But if other guys are invited to the party and you aren't I think that tells you she is not interested

CM


#7

If she is joking, I would let it go. If she really does do it, you are totally wise to be uncomfortable with and you should forget about her. I agree with the person who asked why you weren't invited. If it is a girls night out OK. But if other guys are invited to the party and you aren't I think that tells you she is not interested

CM

Yeah it was definitely a girls night out thing, with her room-mates. She hardly has any guy friends.


#8

[quote="jmcrae, post:4, topic:215110"]
In your part of the world, 21 is coming of age, right?

Most girls do something nice for their coming of age - a dress-up party for their friends, where everyone wears ball gowns and tuxes, and a nice catered dinner, and dancing to follow, with maybe a glass of champagne at dinner, and liqueur in the coffee at dessert, but nothing too much - everyone feels good, but nobody is drunk - and certainly, nobody is running around naked.

[/quote]

I'My experience with college was that your 21st is the time you wear revealing clothing, go to a bar and go so intoxicated that you vomit. Now, I went to a very secular university that is well known in PA as a party school, so this doesn't hold true for every university and certainly not for every young person. I'm just saying I wouldn't be at all surprised if this girl was going out to get drunk with friends... probably no streaking involved though.


#9

[quote="atac57, post:1, topic:215110"]
I've told this girl, a long time ago that I like her romantically, she knows that. I've known her since high school, we're in college. We agreed that we should be friends first before allowing anything else to possibly develop. We usually talk often on facebook, but we also get together sometimes. I admit I still don't know her quite as well as I'd like to, but I know she is a really good girl, I know that she would never do anything really bad, she dresses modestly, she comes from a Christian family and I can tell she has good parents who brought her up well, she also spends time with her family a lot. So heres the thing, shes had a birthday today, turned 21. On her wall section (on facebook) I noticed that her and her friends were going to go downtown and have drinks and her friend and her (its also her friends birthday) were going to run through downtown naked. Now, I realize that this may be a one time thing, maybe not, but I honestly think streaking is incredibly rude and crosses the line. It sort of hurts me that she would do something like that, I don't agree with it, it digests me that random people, especially gross men would see her naked and make sick jokes about it, I wouldnt want anyone to look or talk that way about my mom either. On the other hand, there was one occasion where I jokingly said that once school was over during summer, I would "watch everything we had from work, porn included (kidding)" (i used to work at a video store at the time, it had an adult section in the back). I honestly do not watch that, it was a dumb joke, but she said, "you better not be watching any porn!!" I take it she was probably serious about that comment, so now I'm just thinking she's sort of hypocritical for telling me not to watch porn (which I don't) but she thinks its fine if she runs around naked on her birthday? So I'm not sure if this is just a phase thing, but I'm just afraid that something like this will scare me away and risk the chance of missing out on something good developing with us because I feel like we have plenty in common and shes definitely the type I'd like to marry someday (sans the streaking thing), but I don't want to blow it over something that might not be worth blowing it over. Should I at least tell her what I think of that? I feel like she must care to some degree about what I think. Sorry, I know this was long.

[/quote]

I would definitely say something. That's so not okay.


#10

"Should I at least tell her what I think of that? I feel like she must care to some degree about what I think. "

Absolutely, be assertive and tell her you care for her and you don't want other men seeing her naked.


#11

By now, I would have posted on her facebook... "you better not!!!!"... in the same way she thought you should avoid porn...

Jeez, when I turned 21, I had an accounting exam the next... totally boring!


#12

[quote="bkayw, post:10, topic:215110"]
"Should I at least tell her what I think of that? I feel like she must care to some degree about what I think. "

Absolutely, be assertive and tell her you care for her and you don't want other men seeing her naked.

[/quote]

Well find out if she was joking or not first.


#13

I bet she was joking.


#14

I agree with this thinking. You can say something, but I think I’d do it in a private conversation and maybe the time hasn’t presented itself to when you should say something. I would bring it up casually, and use it as a gauge to see if you really do know this girl as well as you think you do.


#15

For the record, it turns out she was just joking. So thats good.


#16

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