Should I tell my parents about my Masturbation issue?


#1

The subject pretty much says it all. I was addicted to masturbation and pornography for many years. My parents have confronted me 3 times about the pornography because they saw it in the browser history. When they did, I would be able to go a month without doing either these, but I would soon fall back into the ditch. Last year or so, I have been trying to rid my life of these sins. I have had some success. I now can go longer without masturbating, even longer without looking at pornography.

I just recently did it again. I will say that the temptations seemed stronger than normal. However, looking back on it, I saw many chances for me to get out. After resisting at first, I admit that I began to encourage those thoughts and feelings. Thus, I committed many mortal sins.

I plan on going to confession as soon as possible. However, I am worried that it will raise some suspicion from my parents.


#2

I suppose it depends on how old you are...but I actually do recommend telling your parents. They can potentially offer you advice, counsel, and prayer as you work through this difficult time of temptation in your life.

I once sat my parents down and told them EVERYTHING. It was so hard for the first few seconds...but then, the more I talked, the more I could feel a weight being lifted off of me. It felt so good to hear the truth come out of my lips and to know that someone else knew what I was going through, experiencing in life, etc...

You are in my prayers tonight, my friend.

-ahs


#3

Listen to Oruwaith. Also, when you’re tempted, do the sign of the cross repeatedly until the temptation is gone. I find that the mixture of repeatedly using your hands to do the sign of the cross to waste energy and asking for graces to overcome the temptation works really well. In fact, I’m doing right now because I’m tempted.

Do many sign of the crosses until you feel like you can overcome the temptation. On stronger temptations, you will notice that it requires more sign of the crosses to overcome it.


#4

I think you should have a talk with your parents about it. If they are talking to you about it, then they are concerned. I'd speak with your dad about it - to be honest. He can probably help you deal with temptation and offer you help. It would also probably mean a lot to them to hear that you are not absently looking at porn without regard for its moral implications, but rather that you are tempted and fighting to live a holy life.

Parents are there as people to help us out of spots like this - use them! They (and you) will be glad you did.


#5

I think it is between God and you, but the decision is up to you. Your parents shouldn’t need to enquire into your reason for going to Confession. You shouldn’t have to apologise or give reasons for going to Confession. It is your right and your duty as a Catholic
Given that the Popes encourage us to go to Confession frequently, why should it be considered strange to go to Confession? You certainly should take practical step to totally avoid porn, and to avoid occasions of sin.

"It is true that the second precept of ‘The Six Precepts of the Church,’[2] as well as Canon Law,[3] teach that Catholics shall confess their sins at least once a year.
However, John Paul II and the Popes before him specifically teach the importance of frequent reception of the Sacrament of Confession for mortal as well as venial sins.[4] The reason is clear. There is clearly a crisis of Confession. "

“We should have recourse to frequent Confession to cleanse our soul from venial sins, which weaken one’s rectitude, and any sins of omissions that would indicate a lack of love for God.”

catholic.org/featured/sheen.php?ID=1942

"We invite every Catholic to celebrate the sacrament of Penance or Reconciliation or, as we have traditionally said,** “go to Confession,” on a regular basis**. There can be no better way to make progress on our spiritual journey than by returning in humble repentance and love to God, whose forgiveness reestablishes us as his children and restores us to peace with his Church and our neighbors. With every prayerful best wish, we remain,
Sincerely yours in Christ,
** The Bishops of Pennsylvania
**ewtn.com/library/BISHOPS/GUIDEPEN.HTM


#6

Confess, and tell your parents you want their help or advice on how to avoid impure thoughts (which lead to impure actions).

One trick that could work is to say out loud what you are thinking when those impure thoughts come into mind. For example, [SIGN]"I'm going to type in the web address www.Internet.Pornography.com/offending/God/since/1991.html"[/SIGN]

That might help snap you out of it. Also, leaving the computer room, and doing something else that doesn't need a computer.


#7

You share a burden my friend that many of us wish we could expunge from our memories!

It’s an ongoing battle and failure does happen. I’d recommend the rosary at any point you feel temptation or at least as many Hail Mary’s as it takes!

You’re in my prayers! :thumbsup:


#8

From Catholic Online website-

Prayer as an Aid to Chastity

But above all, to acquire the virtue of chastity prayer is necessary: it is necessary to pray, and to pray continually. It has already been said that chastity can neither be acquired nor preserved unless God grant His aid to preserve it; but this aid He gives only to those who ask it.

We should then, says St. Cyprian, instantly resist the first carnal solicitations with which the devil assails us, and not permit the serpent, that is, the temptation, to grow strong. St. Jerome gives this same advice: "You must not permit bad thoughts to grow in your mind; no, kill the enemy when he is small." It is easy to kill a lion when he is small, but not when his has grown to his full size.

Let us guard against reasoning with temptations contrary to chastity: let us endeavor instantly to banish them. And, as the spiritual masters teach, the best means of banishing such temptations is not to combat them directly face to face, by making contrary acts of the will, but to get rid of them indirectly by acts of the love of God, or of contrition, or at least by turning the mind to other things.

But the means in which we should place the greatest confidence is prayer, and recommending ourselves to God. It is useful, as soon as we perceive the first motion of impurity, to renew our purpose to suffer death rather than consent to sin, and immediately after to have recourse to the wounds of Jesus Christ for aid.

It is also very useful to make the sign of the cross on the breast, and to have recourse to our angel guardian and our holy patron. But above all, it is useful to have recourse to Jesus Christ and the divine Mother by instantly invoking their most holy names, and by continuing to invoke them until the temptation is beaten down. Oh! how powerful are the most holy names of Jesus and Mary against the attacks of impurity!

Devotion to the holy Virgin, who is called "the Mother of fair love, and the guardian of virginity," is a most useful devotion for the preservation of chastity. And to recite, at rising in the morning and going to bed at night, three "Hail Mary's," in honor of the purity of Mary, is a devotion that has singular efficacy in obtaining the gift of continence.


#9

Masturbation is a perfectly natural human need. Don't beat yourself up over wanting to do what you are biologically inclined to do anyway.


#10

[quote="ganonscrub, post:9, topic:254370"]
Masturbation is a perfectly natural human need. Don't beat yourself up over wanting to do what you are biologically inclined to do anyway.

[/quote]

Ganon - this is not in line with church teaching. Masturbation is an immoral act.


#11

I just listened to a short talk on internet porn and the speaker pointed out that these are sins of secrecy, darkness and, as a result, shame. The more out in the open you can make this, the easier it will be to overcome it.

If your parents are people that you can be open and honest with, and if they are in line with God's and the churches teachings on this, and most importantly, if they will hold you accountable, then I think it's a good idea to tell them.

Be sure to let in the light of the Word of God as well.


#12

You are 18 and an adult. This is between you and your priest in the confessional. You already know what to do…stay away from impure thoughts, places, and pictures. I see no reason to involve your parents anymore than I could possibly advise parents to go to their adult children with their sins. No one’s business but yours. And the reasons why you are going to confession isn’t their business either.


#13

Our parents are our mentors and instituted by God on Earth for us, they are gifts, how many people without parents wished they had the comfort of their parents to seek!

Their counsel and their experience is valuable beyond words, for it is beyond your years, let them know what is troubling you, it is not necessary but would be wise to do it.


#14

Don't beat yourself up - you're on the right track and asking all the right questions. First - and I speak from experience - psychological compulsions mitigate the sinfullness of the act. Meaning, if you try to stop but just can't, you are not held to the same level of responsibility as a person who chooses to be sinful in this regard.

That doesn't give you a "Free Pass" to behave immorally, howver. You still have the responsibility to aggressively work on trying not to sin and get to the root of the psychological compulsion. Go to confession as much as you can, and also ask your confessor for a referral to a qualified therapist that may aid you in your journey.

Remember friend, this is a process. If you're like me, it took many years to get over this - but i learned so much along the way. In each of my dyings, the Lord revealed more and more to me. It took me quite a while to trust enough that He loved (anb that I was lovable) me and could comfort me like nothing else could.

It also helped to have a daily prayer life, which included the Rosary. I often stopped on the way to work and prayed in the wee morning hours to this statue of Mary in this little grotto outside a Catholic church on the way to work. Just 2 or 3 minutes, but i just spilled my heart out to Mary and asked for her help. She understands our sufferrings and I know, like I know, like I know, that she seen and felt my tears and brought my case to her Son, my Savior, Christ.

Chin up, my friend. You have such a wonderful team pulling for you. Don't be discouraged. Keep trying your best - and go to Confession when you fail. This is the struggle, and every man I know has been there. :)


#15

Sorry to contradict you but it is not a "Need"
You wont die without it. & there are some men - even some men who profess not faith at all who never feel this temptation.

From a stastical point of view it is so common that a scientist would consider it “Normal” - that is due to the mathematical definition of “normal”. However I would also point out that in our modern western society it is now statistically “Normal” to be clinically obese that condition is for most sufferers the temporal efects of Sloth & Gluttony! - and I myself admit to being on the borderline between overweight & obese!

A sin being so common that it is “normal” does not make it OK for our bodies or our souls!!!


#16

This is not a Catholic response. There is such a thing as the grace of God which makes all things possible.


#17

Your parents should have no suspicion about why you are going to confession. Go often, and they will get used to it! We all sin, and it’s no one’s business but yours, the priests, and God’s.

Are both of your parents supportive of chastity? I would actually talk to both of them at the same time, and gauge their responses to the problem. If you see your father’s response to be one of “it’s normal, it’s what guys do,” then you know you must seek support from other men who believe as you do, that masturbation is gravely disordered and sinful. Even many Catholic men will say you shouldn’t do it, but at the same time wink and smile that “we all do it.”

If you are still living with your parents, ask them to install an internet filter so you can’t easily get to porn. You will still be tempted - and there are other places to log onto the internet - but at least you will have a porn-free zone where you can feel safe from Satan’s attacks.

There are at least a few support groups here on CAF for staying away from porn and masturbation (the two go together of course). Click on “Groups” and look. I find that the worst part is that images have gotten into my mind and I don’t need porn to fire them up. Yes, women have this problem too.

:o

I will add you to my prayers. Use the Hail Mary when you are tempted. You’d be surprised how quickly your urges will go away when you appeal to Our Holy Mother.


#18

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