Should I try again?


#1

My father and I have not spoken to each other in over a year and a half when I announced my engagement to my now husband. He disapproved of the marriage because my husband is divorced and has 2 children out of that relationship. (Please note that they were never married by the Catholic church; my husband has since then gone through a wonderful conversion and was able to obtain an annulment prior to our Catholic wedding)

Anyhow, my father did not attend the wedding and refuses to even hear my name mentioned in his home. He tries to keep my mom and I from talking and gives her a hard time when we do see each other, etc.

Well, my husband and I were blessed with a honeymoon baby that was just born (March 19). I want my daughter to know her grandfather and not have to sneak around to see her grandmother. I made a few attempts during the pregnancy to make mends with my father but that was unsuccessful.

Should I try again? What should I do? He knows the baby was just born and still gives my mom a hard time when she calls or wants to visit me. They live 4 blocks away and my mom (although she calls every day) has only come to visit the baby once because my father blows up. I also hate that I am the one causing my mother so much pain by putting her between a rock and a hard place.


#2

What a sad situation!!!

Personally, I would give him the space he wants. You cannot force a relationship on someone who obviously does not want one. I would continue to see your mom either in your home or on neutral ground. Maybe with time your dad will come around. But until he did, I would not allow him around your child. If he’s that negative about your relationship with your husband, the older your child gets, the child will pick up on that and that will only undermine your family unit.

Just my two cents.


#3

Have you tried writing him a letter explaining the situation? Sometimes that helps.
Otherwise, don’t worry over a situation that is of HIS making. It is up to him to make moves towards a healthy relationship.


#4

You may need to give him some time, but it seems like you’ve given him a lot already. However, I would say keep trying. He is your father, your child’s grandfather, and you’re right to want to mend the relationship. Pray lots!!!

I recently emailed a friend from college whom I hadn’t spoken to in nearly 7 years. We left college on very bad terms, despite having been best friends throughout most of our time there. I was hesitant to contact her, but figured why not, what is there to lose? We have been emailing back and forth and she just suggested we get together in person. Had I not taken the chance I might’ve missed out on getting this friend back. (By the way, the urging to contact her came during Holy Week.) My friend has said that she’s often thought about contacting me but was too afraid I’d ignore her since we parted ways on bad terms. What if I hadn’t reached out?

It might not be easy, but reaching out to your father is the right thing to do, even if he turns away. Eventually he may accept your invitation, and all those times of turning away will be forgotten because you’ll be so happy. I hope it works out that way. Keep praying!!


#5

Would maybe his Priest be able to speak with him?


#6

No advice on the father, though I’d be inclined to stop trying for a while at least. As for your mother, you said that you are causing her pain by putting her between a rock and a hard place. Please don’t take that guilt on. Actually your father is the one putting her in the awful position, not you. Take whatever relationship you can get with her, and be understanding that it is difficult for her. But be sure that it is not your fault that she is between the rock and the hard place and don’t feel guilty about it.


#7

If you do decide to write, why not enclose a picture of the little one and tell your father that you would really like your daughter to get to know BOTH of her grandparents. If that doesn’t melt his heart, just back off and let him suffer in his misery. I feel for your Mom, but she could tell him that this is her grandchild and she has waited years to have a grandchild and she is going to take full advantage of it. I’ll pray for you.


#8

First, what ethnic group are you and how old are you? Some ethnic groups may be more strict about children getting parent’s approval for a marriage, no matter what their age is.

Second, even though your husband may be technically free to marry in the church due to the annulment, there still is the “marrying a divorced person is a no-no” mentality among many, and your dad may think that your husband doesn’t have what it takes to keep a marriage together, or he may may be one of those “old school” types that think that divorced people should stick to divorced people and never-marrieds should choose fellow never-marrieds or that virgins should give “first chance” to fellow virgins.


#9

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