Should I try and go out with this girl again?


#1

Hi.

I went out for dinner with a girl on Friday 18 May and it went really well. We enjoyed each others company and the next day she invited me out to a Christian event where we spent the day together. During that week, we had talked on the phone 5 days out of 7. We never ran out of things to discuss and often talked for more than 30minutes.

The following Wednesday 23rd, she invited me out for coffee and picked me up after work. This was also enjoyable and she accepted an invitation to go and see Pirates 3 on Saturday 26 May.

She invited me to pick her up at her house where I met some of her family before going to the cinema. After the cinema, she asked me back for coffee and we chatted until after 1am. I suggested going a few times, but she wanted me to stay and chat.

On Sunday, I asked if we could chat on the phone and she suggested after midnight as she was with friends earlier. We chatted on the phone for 50 minutes. As usual, we talked about both silly things and serious things.

A few minutes after finishing our chat, she texted me to say that she had thought about things and only wanted to be friends. She surprised me given how much we seemed to enjoy each others company. I texted her back and said I would think about things and let her know.

So, I texted her on Monday night and said that I was surprised about things as we seemed to get on so well together. I thought that something special was developing between us. I said that it would be difficult for me to just be friends and so it would probably be better not to see each other again, but I wished her every happiness for the future.

This evening, she texted me and said that it was a shame we could not be friends, but wished me the best. She said “its not u but me. I really hurt my ex without meaning 2 and have learnt from that which is why i thought it best to not take things further. Thanks for understanding and Im sorry”.

So, after all that, what do you think? Should I contact her again and ask to continue seeing her etc? Or do you think I should just leave things alone?

I care very much for this girl. However, I am neither infatuated nor in love with her but I did think something special was developing between us. We had a lot of fun together and enjoyed each others company. So, I’m at a bit of a loss as to why it suddenly ended - with a text message 10 minutes after another good conversation.

I accept of course that a girl may not like me romantically and if it is over (which it appears to be) then I can accept that also, but I’m mindful of the phrase of “faint heart never won a lady” and as you might be able to tell, I am very confused…so.


#2

As a woman, my advice is: no, don’t call her, don’t pursue her, let it go.


#3

My guess from what you said on the previous thread and what you are saying on this thread is that she is not ready for a serious relationship, and she senses that you are. Remember the bit about her wanting to take it slow? You are a bit older than her and in a different place in life. So, it is possible that what she is telling you, that it’s not you, it’s her, is exactly the case.


#4

She’s made it pretty clear that she isn’t interested in anything more than being friends with you right now (all four preceding words are important). She’s not being coy, she’s just not into it. It doesn’t matter what her reason is; it could indeed be that she’s afraid of hurting someone else, she could have had a bad experience in general with her ex, or she might simply think of you more as friend material than relationship material. She likes you fine, but she doesn’t like like you, if you get my drift?

Just be her friend, if you think you can manage it. It might happen that you and she fall in love later (it happened to me, and it’s wonderful!) or it might not. Either way, you’ll both be all the happier for having a friend.


#5

No. She knows where to find you. You continuing to pursue her would give you the label “stalker.” No one ever says that word in a good way, by the way.

Cross her off your list. She’s one less woman to worry about whether she’s the one for you. Next!

(By the way, I’m seeing a lot of progress with you. You’re a lot more confident in these than you used to be, and you are moving a little faster.) :thumbsup:

Sweetie, when you meet the right girl, she will let you know! She’ll be calling you! She’ll be emailing you all kinds of jokes and stories. She’ll be upset if days go by with no contact. The more she’s around you, the more she’ll want to be around you.

Pray that you will recognize her when you meet her if God has a woman planned for you.

And don’t settle for anything less than cheerful enthusiasm. When a woman backs off and says she just wants to be friends, let her go. The woman that wants to be more than friends will happily build the friendship. And friendship is what gets marriages over the tough parts. There are many reasons a woman will back off after several dates. Maybe you’re too conservative for her. In which case, she’s doing you a favor leaving. Maybe your goals and hers aren’t that compatible. She’s doing you a favor leaving. Maybe she is still hung up on someone else. She’s doing you a favor leaving. Or her job and career goals do not coincide with your life plans for a wife. She’s doing you a favor leaving.

I think you see a trend here. Don’t take it personally. And be as picky as the women are allowing themselves to be.


#6

No, she is not interested.


#7

I concur. Is it right that you met her mid May? If that is the case, it is too soon to be looking for some long term relationship. Give it up and move on. You will only get hurt if you linger. JMO.


#8

Take the ‘go-slow’ appproach. Plenty of fish in the sea.


#9

No, I would be done with her. Sounds like she was pretty clear…it will only make you feel worse, if she rejects you again. Rejection is not fun. But, we can minimize it…to a degree…I think if she said…give me some time, or something like that…I might consider. But, I think I would hold off on calling her for a while…:o


#10

You’ve acted in a very self respecting manner. You’ve done nothing to humilate yourself and you handled her rejection very well.

Be glad that its not further into the relationship before she decided to give you this news. You’ve been saved a lot of heartache early.

Leave her alone. If she changes her mind, she knows how to find you.


#11

Thanks so much for all your replies. I do appreciate them so much and many thanks for taking the time to write such thoughtful replies.

I will not be trying to go out with her again. She has made her decision and I have to respect it.

I still don’t understand it though. I am quite used to girls not liking me in a romantic way, so it doesnt surprise me that a girl, after a few dates, would only want to be friends. I dont mean that in a self-pitying way, its just what always happens to me.

But with this girl, why did have to end so abruptly. we definitely did enjoy each others company, as I hope my first post described. There was a certain amount of chemistry I thought and we seemed good together. A week ago at this time, we had just enjoyed an evening coffee together. She invited me out and picked me up from work.

So, I guess I remain confused, why out of the blue, she should end it so abruptly. I am sad, but not devestated - I just think we were good together and it seems strange that it should end so quickly.

This potential relationship has ended, and I dont know why, but I respect her decision.

I would stress again how grateful I am for your advice and your thoughtful replies.


#12

I’m sorry about your situation… and I understand your desire to find out “why?”…

Where there any topics you talked about that you two had different thoughts on?
You mentioned in your first post that you went to a “Christian event” early on together… so that made me wonder… Is she Catholic?

My only advice is that Ms. Right will come along. Don’t forget to pray that God leads you to her… and pray for her safety and well being as well! Pray that she stays close to Christ too! You can still pray for her, even though you may not know who she is yet…

God bless!


#13

I am completely impressed with your maturity in this matter. :thumbsup:
In life, you will find there is no reason sometimes to the end of relationships. Things don’t get wrapped up all tidy with endings that we can easily understand.

You have maturity and grace that will shine through to some amazing woman at God’s perfect time.


#14

As other have posted let her go. You have showed great maturity in telling her that you didn’t think you could persue a friendship. You were honest with your feelings. You have to respect her honesty too. There are better fish in the sea.

As the why. Well things can happen fast. I left my boyfriends house one night. We had a discussion about “were we going”, we agreed and then on the 15 mintue drive back to my house i realized i wasn’t be honest with myself and wanted something different. I called him up and we broke it off. Was one of the hardest things to do but definetly something that had to be done.

She too may have come to one of those breaking points. Were you stop listening to the world and listen to your heart and God and realize that your not be honesty with yourself. I’ve had a few of those. one was the above mentioned eposide and another was relaizing that i couldn’t give my all in a relationship because i wasn’t whole. i hadn’t let myself heal from a few past relationship (not necessarly romantic). I have to be whole spiritual and physically to be able to give my partner all that he deserves from a women.

Give her space. Let her make the next contact. If it is meant to be then she will come back into your life again.

B16- You sound like a great guy. Your on the right track!


#15

To answer the question in the topic: No, not really. One doesn’t really go out with friends. The keyword here is really, normally, typically, whatever. At any rate, going out is a bit different from just hanging out with someone. Going out of the kind you describe could keep giving bad impressions to both of you, leading the relationship to cause anguish.

Besides, even if she’s not right about how she hurt her ex without intending to, she’s still right on that she shouldn’t enter into a romantic relationship at this moment. Please allow me to explain: whoever thinks he isn’t ready for a romantic relationship, really becomes not ready by just thinking that. It simply makes him that way, just the thinking. The girl needs to sort some things out.


#16

Sounds like a plan. I’ve been doing that for a longer time now. Guess it creates a certain bond.


#17

You want a romantic relationship, she doesn’t. There’s nothing there. If you contact her again it’s just going to be in pursuit of the possiblity that she might accept a romantic relationship. That’s just dishonest on your part. Time to move along.


#18

agree with most others - she was polite enough to tell you it isn’t going to work - so move on courteously.

There are plenty of other girls out there and your plan will be revealed to you as you journey on and pray for guidance. Seek those with like ideas at church functions, outings or youth group meetings. Have fun and don’t worry about it - that’s usually the exact moment the love bug will strike you. God Bless.


#19

OK. If she can’t even be friends with you-that is pretty darn weird! She sounds immature or maybe she found a new beau!


#20

I’m in the same boat as you. At some point you have to recognize that you are wasting your time and effort and that it will not pay off.


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