Hello brothers and sisters.
I love to learn about Catholicism, i am a practicing Catholic and try to obey the church to the T…
Anyways this is my cross…my problem is im addicted to marijuana…i dropped out of college and didnt return due to it…weed has caused me many problems but for the sake of this conversation i will point to one area it affects me drasticlly and that is financially…i spend alot of money on weed and i havent tried to find better jobs or improve myself. I just feel comfortable with where im at.
Recently someone i know who got a really great paying gig making 250k a year and he is the same age as me. Its a solid deal that will make them that much for the rest of their lives. It really made me question myself…lots of people have always considered me to be “smart”…not to be cocky but maybe that is my issue i dont know but ive always felt that i was going to do great things…and i have in a way but seeing other people do even greater things has really made me want to earn that amount of money and even more.
I suddenly feel greedy, i feel like all i do now is try to figure out ways to make that amount of money. I read the bible less now, i pray less now, i look at my job with disgust now because i dont make as much as them.
I know God has a plan for me and he knows whats best for me. And i accept his will but its hard to swallow my pride and see other people do better than me and me not do anything about it…i wish i could just let it go…i want to be humble
Some good things have came from this, ive decided to go back school and am trying even harder now to stop smoking weed because i know its the problem. Its the reason im not where i want to be. I hate weed. Its ruined my life so far.
My question to God and to the church he founded and left us and to its members and my brothers and sisters…please tell me…is it bad for me to want to earn millions of dollars? I know i shouldnt love money or ever put it before God and i dont ever want that to happen, but maybe it already has? I feel like i just want to do it because they are making that much money…i mean i am struggling with bills and i could use some more money but really i just need to stop spending money on weed and eating out…before it didn’t matter much to me i was comfortable with my salary (i dont make 6 figures)… I try to follow Jesus and focus on whats most important. But God created everything that is good and i would like to take my wife on trips and send my kids to private school and not have to worry about money and make lots of money that i can give to the poor. If i get rich i still want to be a good catholic rich man who gives his money to the poor and helps people out. I would like to payoff my house and give my mom money…she is disabled…i just want to show people that i can make that much money too…but also really help people because that really makes me happy, not to mention its Gods will…
I know i sound ungrateful and greedy and prideful and maybe i am…i feel like it…is this wrong?