Should my ex and I get back together


#1

My boyfriend and I started out as very close friends. Things were almost perfect as we barely fought, had similar morals, etc. We fought through his parents dislike of me (actually, not of me personally, but just of the idea of a girlfriend), as well as my family crises. Around month 10, we began to easily get annoyed with each other, just generally hyper sensitive. We are both stressed about college and I have been battling with my anorexic sister, things that have just added to the seemingly incomprehendable and irrational tension between us. Around month 11, we had a calm and mature discussion and decided to break up, in hopes of ending the tension and just staying best friends. Yet, now we are doubting our somewhat out-of-the-blue decision and are really having a difficult time with the breakup. We are young (only 17) and we realize that we are off to college in a year, and had thought that maybe breaking up before senior year is a good thing because we can just enjoy our last year together and with our friends before college. Also, we knew that we would have to end our relationship before college, so we thought that doing it now, while things were somewhat rocky, would be less painful. But we miss each other and are questioning our decision. We have been praying and the only answer I have received was a sudden recollection of my account on this site, which has not crossed my mind in almost a year. Please help!


#2

When I was in high school, I had a very similar situation with a girl while I was a sophomore and junior. I broke it off with her and had a pretty free senior year.

If you can, and jeez, I know it's tough to do-be strong, and walk away.

I hated high school, all four years where misery for me-but my senior year was the least worst year. Partly because I was free from a horrible relationship, and partly because I was getting out of a horrific school.

You might want to do that-just walk away and enjoy your last year before college.


#3

If you know you will not continue your relationship (gf/bf) in college then I see no reason to start back up a relationship for your senior year.

I had a long distance relationship in college all four years, and it worked for my dh and I. However, he was already going to a school that I had no interest in attending, so I decided to go to a school independent of my then boyfriend. (Not to mention my parents were very relieved about the long distance relationship :p). We started dating right before my senior year of high school (way too early in my parents opinion:p) and he left for college and I finished my senior year free of that kind of distraction. Even though we were "dating;" sending emails back and fourth and chatting online are quite a bit different from an in-person relationship.

Since the purpose of dating is discernment of a spouse and you two are sure you will break up before college I see no reason to continue to date. If you two decide later that you are committed to a long distance relationship then it you could pick up your relationship the summer before you leave for college.

On a related note, it might be smart to wait a little to get back into the relationship anyways, you are still young and while some people can make relationships work continuously from 17 or 18 to death, not everybody can. Sometimes we just need to grow up a little bit and be our own person. This is what my long distance relationship allowed me to do. I was able to be involved in many diverse activities without worrying about how much time I had to spend with my boyfriend in order to keep him happy. This built my character and strengthened my relationship with God and his church. I was able to be a athlete, a good student, build other friendships, be involved in music, volunteering, and have a campus job. As opposed to my brother who got married rather young and they were both immature. The immaturity of both parties reinforced each other (and was self perpetuating) and they took a long time to grow up, to the detriment of their marriage and their children. It is a good thing to make extra sure you are mature enough for marriage. :thumbsup:


#4

Remember the purpose of dating is to discern marriage - if you honestly cannot see yourself marrying this man than you have discerned it an you have your answer get some distance and resume your friendship in a non-scandolous way.


#5

[quote="godsgurl, post:1, topic:207368"]
But we miss each other and are questioning our decision. We have been praying and the only answer I have received was a sudden recollection of my account on this site, which has not crossed my mind in almost a year. Please help!

[/quote]

**>>You're both still young, so I would cherish the friendship you have, keep it, and take things slow. As you get older, you'll realize how important it was to do this especially at your age. When you do have time, just enjoy each others company (for who you are), enjoy a pizza together and laugh with family and friends. I assume your families are part of all of this. If not, let your family get to know this person.

17 - Wow! What a great time in life. I love my life now, but remember how exciting that time of life can be....Amusement Parks, Hanging out, Movies, Going for Ice Cream, Camping, and not another worry in the world. <<< Oh yeah, and being a good Catholic by going to mass on Sundays or as often as I could. wink wink**


#6

[quote="godsgurl, post:1, topic:207368"]
. Around month 11, we had a calm and mature discussion and decided to break up, in hopes of ending the tension and just staying best friends. Yet, now we are doubting our somewhat out-of-the-blue decision and are really having a difficult time with the breakup. We are young (only 17) and we realize that we are off to college in a year, and had thought that maybe breaking up before senior year is a good thing because we can just enjoy our last year together and with our friends before college. !

[/quote]

this is going to sound hopelessly old fashioned but it was true when I received the advice over 40 years ago, and gave the advice to my DD 20 years ago, and give it to you today. At age 17 "break up and make up" is not even part of your vocabulary if it implies any long term romantic commitment, and certainly physical intimacy is not even on the horizon with him or anyone else. The emotional commitment too soon is almost as damaging as a premature physical commitment. You can't "break up" because you were not "together" in any permanent sense, moral, physical, spiritual or legal. The best advice is to regard him as one of the dearest and most important among all your friends with whom you enjoy socializing and all the fun activities of this stage in your life. Get out of the mindset that you can in some way make exclusive demands upon each other that are implied in "break up make up" scenarios.


#7

thank you everyone soooo much.
These past few days i have really enjoyed being "single and 17," namely, I feel like its a load off my back, not having to call/text my boyfriend everyday. We are doing welll as just friends, so I feel like my happiness, in combination with all your helpful responses, is God's way of teling me its time to move on.
Thank you!


#8

Both of you are still young. There are still many things that might happen between your relationships. It is better to give space between you for the meantime and focus on your studies.

how to get my ex back


#9

[quote="godsgurl, post:1, topic:207368"]
Also, we knew that we would have to end our relationship before college, so we thought that doing it now, while things were somewhat rocky, would be less painful.

[/quote]

This one sentence says everything you need to know.

If you're planning on breaking up later, then just walk away now. There's no reason to maintain a relationship that has absolutely no hope of going anywhere.


#10

Sometimes, a relationship just has a short sweet run. Good while it lasts, but that's it. When it's over, it's over and that should be the end of it.

Besides, you don't want to become the next Sammi and Ron...:D


#11

Dating is to see if you want to or could consider marrying someone and spending the rest of your life with them.

I find it odd that you say this person is your "best friend" and you want to remain "friends" but not be boyfriend / girlfriend. If you are in a sexual relationship, which hopefully you aren't at your age, then what is the difference?

Why are you sure you will break up in college? is that a mutual decision or just something that "you know always happens when people go off to college" and if that's the case, why does it happen?

17 is too young to necessarily be worrying about marriage but for future reference just consider what marriage is and that it's forever. My personal opinion, and that of a number of experts as well, is that spending the rest of your life with your best friend, if you two are also attracted to one another, is much better than just someone you are attracted to because eventually, the attraction only isn't going to work out.

You have to marry someone that you can still see yourself enjoying time with them 30 years down the road... no maybe this best friend isn't that person and you are going to break up before college to focus on studies only... so be it, if that is the case then it's probably best to break up now.

Joe


#12

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