Should singles adopt?


#1

I just read a post that really upset me, so I wanted to ask opinions. What is your opinion on a single person adopting a child?

I realize that it is best for a child to have 2 parents. But I can’t see leaving a child in an orphanage or in the foster care system to float around in the system for years if there is a good, stable single person who wants to adopt that child. I’d like to adopt myself, and if I am not blessed with a husband, I’d like to do this as a single woman. Anything wrong with that?


#2

I say YES!!! Why should a single person be excluded from providing a home for a child that needs one? Especially if they want to and have the means to do it…and of course if they pass all of the state and agencey screenings.


#3

[quote=Mom of one]I just read a post that really upset me, so I wanted to ask opinions. What is your opinion on a single person adopting a child?

I realize that it is best for a child to have 2 parents. But I can’t see leaving a child in an orphanage or in the foster care system to float around in the system for years if there is a good, stable single person who wants to adopt that child. I’d like to adopt myself, and if I am not blessed with a husband, I’d like to do this as a single woman. Anything wrong with that?
[/quote]

Most agencies try hard to place young children with two parent families. At one time that ment a mother and a father. Now that two parent family could be two men or two women.
IMHO a one parent family is better then a two parent same sex family. So if the child needs a home and a good single person is available then yes it can be a good thing.

GOD BLESS


#4

I think there should be a mother and a father. Typically the large number of children in foster care are older ones. But those aren’t the ones that people want to usually adopt due to behavioral issues, etc. Why should Rosie O’D be able to adopt several babies when there are couples who would like to adopt the baby. It is because she has money.


#5

A close friend of mine who is 34 and never been married is raising a child by herself. She was keeping the child when he was about 2 years old while the biological mother would go off for a week at a time out of town for job training. Eventually, the mother got to where she would not come home and basically abandoned the child. My friend then chose to adopt him. At times, I think she regrets the decision, but also, I think she was somewhat put on the spot and felt pressured to adopt him so that he would not end up in the system. She loves him, but about kills herself physically working several jobs to support him. And there have been personality conflicts between herself and the child. She has struggled to bond with him. But, if it had not been for her, there is no telling where that child would be today. Instead he is being raised in a God-fearing home. I, myself, am a single mother of 3 and it is a tough row to hoe!!! But, then we all have our crosses to bear.

I think if you pray about it and feel peace in your heart that God is leading you, then it should be fine. Just don’t do like my friend did and do it because of pressure. (Like, I’m afraid I won’t ever be married and have children, so I need to hurry and do this now, type of thing.) As long as you have your whole heart in it, and you are prepared for the struggle…and the questions…sometimes judgements… from others… then go for it! :thumbsup:


#6

Yes, absolutely. I think 1 parent is better then no parent at all. As a single 30 something lady I would have no problem adopting a child. My issue is financial but I’ve left that in GODs hands…if it’s his will he’ll provide a way. In any case I don’t see any moral or ethical dilema in singles adopting children as long as they have the means to do so and the time to devote to raising a them. :thumbsup:


#7

I was watching a show about a man who was a single father (his wife died), and the character said something very interesting. He said that he always thought the reason it was better to have a two-parent household was that it was better for the children, but he had since realized that it was also better for the parents.

Now I understand that some people (even this television character) don’t have a choice about being a single parent, but this thread is about choosing it. Yes, it’s difficult for the child who will need some kind of involvement from a strong male figure to make up for a lack of a father… But the situation is also difficult for the single mother. She doesn’t have the male support that she’s supposed to. She doesn’t have a partner to help her raise the child. Instead she’s taking on all of the responsibility.

I admire anyone who is faced with single parenthood and makes it work, but I would caution anyone making a choice to do that.


#8

If the single person has a good support system in place then adoption is fine, but I think ElizabethAnne brings up a good point. My mother and I are helping to raise my brother and his wife’s three children. I work full time. My mother is 84. They are divorcing. My 16 year old nephew lives with me full time. The two youngest come to our home after school and are waiting for me when I come home from work (and evening obligations) two to three nights a week. It is very tough work…but it is wonderful work, too. However, I would not be able to do it without my Mom. And she is in excellent health (84 - acts 64). So, while I do not object to a single person adopting I think they need to be prepared for the incredible task they have ahead of them.


#9

The only thing I would want to point out is that a child’s most important role model in life is the same-sex parent. Obviously life happens and there are situations in which a parent dies or abandons the child or there is great distance between the same-sex parent and child. This is not ideal, but as I said, life happens and it’s not something we “choose” for the child. My concern, however, is when a woman chooses to adopt a little boy when she has no husband and therefore no one to commit to being this little boy’s daddy and life-long role model. I don’t think good male friends of the mother or even the mother’s family members can really replace the role of a father–they can certainly help, but the unconditional love and daily interaction and problem-solving may or may not be there. I also don’t think it’s adequate to say “well, I might get married someday!” Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. My same concern is for a man adopting a little girl without being married and able to provide a mommy.

This may be unPC of me to say and I certainly don’t mean it to be judgemental. I have seen and worked with a variety of family situations and this is just my opinion and observations. :slight_smile:

Even a child whose father dies has a man to learn about, remember and love from here on earth. A mommy can do a great deal to present the father to the child even if he has gone to heaven. But for a child who simply doesn’t have a father, there isn’t a whole lot to work with other then grandpa or uncle or friend, and those relationships are what they are–not parental. Again, just my opinion. :slight_smile:


#10

I’ve looked into this myself, as I am unmarried and am not holding my breath that I ever will be. But I’d need more financial stability (read: a regular, decent-paying job) and a bigger house. I’d also have to become a little less selfish. I’m so used to living on my own terms I don’t know if I have the room in my personality for anybody else.


#11

I’m going to make the assumption we are talking about children over the age of five or so since there seem to be more than enough (opposite sex) couples who want babies and very young children.

Of course it is ideal for any child to have two parents BUT if the choice is between one adoptive parent and NO parents then I think that makes the answer pretty clear.

Presumably the reasons a single person would be considered as an adoptive parent for a child would be because this single person is already a family member or because this single person has an existing relationship with the child. Now it’s certainly possible that if the child were placed in foster care that some couple might later show some interest in adopting this child but there is no guarantee.

Of course it will be hard for the single parent. This child may have problems which is why he has not already been adopted. These problems would be difficult for a two parent family let alone one with no spouse. But God bless anyone who is willing to put out the effort to rescue a child.


#12

I think there have been some good points brought up regarding the age of the child and whether the child would be - what is the term? Princess Abby would know - is it “special needs”? I know that some states provide financial help to people who adopt older children with such needs but it does demand time and a real committment. I am not sure I would have the stamina or the ability.


#13

Yep, I think it’s worlds better than the alternative. My uncle is single and chose to adopt a child, so I’m going to have a new cousin come Thanksgiving. How cool is that!?! :slight_smile:

Eamon


#14

In general, I think adoption should be left to two parent households. However, there are many needy, older children. I think it would be fine to adopt children who are less likely to get adopted.

I have two younger half sisters. They are in a tough family situation. Would it be wrong of me to adopt them? None of their relatives, evev the two parent-ones are capable of this task. This is an example of a situation of where a single person could adopt. What do you all think?


#15

I think, like in ALL adoptions, it depends entirely on circumstances. I think of it kind of on a point system.

Single? Point against you–yes. But practically every person is going to have a point here or there. The problem lies in how many points are adding up. Abusive? Five points against you–you’re out of the runnings. Addicted to something? 5 points-no go. Lack of support system? Point or two against you. Ailing health–depending on diagnosis anywhere from 1-5 points. You get the drift. (An no, this isn’t scientific.) It is a “point against you” so to speak to be a single parent. It is not something that in and of itself makes you incapable in my world. There are plenty of single people who have no other points against them and are barred or highly restricted from adopting–and plenty of adoptive couples who have 4, 5, and 6 points against them who breeze right through the process–hardly seems fair.

There are plenty of scenarios that could be made for the pros and the cons. What it really boils down to are the particulars of the prospective adopter(s) and the child(ren) to be adopted. Is it in everyone’s best interest? Then do it!


#16

I have to jump in here & say this: I was orphaned at an early age. My godmother went into court & fought for & got custody of me.
When I talk about my mother, my grandmother, etc, I am talking about the family I gained when this wonderful woman gained legal custody of me. (I didn’t lose the other family, either; & since Mother’s death a few years ago, we are closer than ever).
OK: I say go for it!!! I had a wonderful childhood full of love & faith, that has made me a better person than I could ever have been in a different (non-Christian) atmosphere.
I firmly believe, based on my own life experiences, that a single parent can make a great parent. Sure, you will need a support system; who doesn’t? My grandmother that I loved (love!) so dearly kept house while my mother worked.
It would be wonderful if every child in the whole world could grow up in a happy home with 2 loving, faith-filled parents, but that day isn’t going to be here anytime soon.
Forget the nay-sayers & find yourself a family of kids that no one else wants. Love them, teach them to love Our Lord, & tell them everyday how much you love them.
Easy? Not at all! But if you wanted it easy, you wouldn’t be making these kinds of plans anyway. There are some kids out there that need you. Go find’em.
(And if you ever need a babysitter, I am :wink: only a couple counties away).
God bless you, & the lucky children that get to call you their mother.:thumbsup:


#17

Yeah, I’d have to say a loving, stable single parent is probably better than being shipped around in foster care, which I’ve heard happens to a lot of older kids that haven’t been adopted. I say go for it, too.


#18

[quote=socalcarmelite]In general, I think adoption should be left to two parent households. However, there are many needy, older children. I think it would be fine to adopt children who are less likely to get adopted.

I have two younger half sisters. They are in a tough family situation. Would it be wrong of me to adopt them? None of their relatives, evev the two parent-ones are capable of this task. This is an example of a situation of where a single person could adopt. What do you all think?
[/quote]

This is about what my opinion is. A 2-parent option is the best. There are more than enough 2-parent families out there willing to adopt infants. However, if a child is going to linger in foster care for years because he/she is older, has siblings, or has special medical needs a single person adopting him/her is the far better alternative.

As for the above question…pray about it!!! Make sure you are THE best option for your 2 younger half sisters—if you are and you feel that it’s God’s will–go for it!


#19

Yes…as long as they are straight, why shouldn’t they?

There are too many foster children just waiting for someone to adopt them and call them their own. Children are in the foster care system, going from one foster home to another, too long. They need permanence.


#20

[quote=shannin]Yes…as long as they are straight, why shouldn’t they?

[/quote]

Why cant a homosexual, single, celibate person adopt?


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