I’m having something of a quarter-life crisis at the moment. I’m halfway through my fourth year of University, I’m just about to graduate, and I have no idea about what will happen to me by this time next year.
The problem is that this uncertainty is causing me a great deal of anxiety. I’m also a person who is extremely sensitive to depression. I’ve struggled with major depression on and off for the past three-four years. The combination of these two factors has resulted in persistent, re-occurrent suicidal ideation. While I have no intention of following through on any of these thoughts, I do admit to entertaining them. It has recently occurred to me that this might be sinful (in the same way that entertaining lustful thoughts) and that I should be attempting to dismiss these thoughts (in the same one we are required to dismiss unchaste thoughts).
My question is: are suicidal ideations sinful and should I confess them at the next opportunity? Truthfully, I’d rather keep all of this on the down-lo if possible. Since I have no intention of following through, I’m wondering if this counts as sinful or is merely just sad.