Should you tell someone not to get married?

My brother is planning on proposing to his girlfriend. I don’t really know how to bring up the fact that I don’t think this is a good idea or if I should bring it up at all. It’s my opinion that he doesn’t really know how unhappy he is. They argue a lot and their relationship has resulted in him isolating from his friends. I guess my question is what is the right thing for me to do. Would it be selfish of me to express my opinion. I tried once in the past, and it didn’t go so well.

I’d talk to him again. If he’s convinced he’s happy, then let it lay.

I think you should tell him how you feel and then let it go. Married to the right one would be a blessing. Married to someone you always argue with will not get you closer to God and you will always be miserable. A healthy marriage has more happy times and less arguing. My opinion. I will pray that your brother gives this more thought and makes the right decision. My mother-in-law would say, wait 6 months and see if you still feel the same.

Yep, especially if he is marrying in the Catholic Church as there is no divorce option in it because they will end up excommunicated if they do (among other things).

My best girl-friend was getting married with this guy I didn’t like one bit, he wasn’t a Church goer and their was lack of respect between the two, and it was also a too soon decision. So I told her that I do not agree with her getting married with him in the Catholic Church. Later she sent me the invitation, I did not attend. As soon as they married, it all went downhill, he took out his claws. Today, she is living as a single mom, he doesn’t pass any pension for the kid and he is “living la vida loca” with other women and getting them pregnant. :mad:

As a Catholic, I can’t advise people like my girl-friend or people that want to marry quick for other reasons like pregnancy out of wedlock to civilly marry without Church. And so I must make sure to give a lecture no matter what when someone is considering marrying in the Church. If they still choose to marry in the Church, good for them, but I did my part and won’t be regretting thinking “if only I have said something…” if they end up separated.

One of the crazy laws of love is,Opposites Attract , Why is That so ?
Who knows it just might work out, You could mention in Passing that he is making a mistake,if he asks for an explanation , then calmly tell him how you feel,
It’s hard to see a train Wreck coming and not yell out warning them

Tell him you love him too much to watch him hurt this bad. Tell him that things get worse after marriage. Problems deepen. Personality issues that aren’t resolved beforehand get trickier. Everything just takes more work. I mean if a guy can survive all that and get to the other side of it things can get better. But I mean if you start rowing out into the lake with a boat that is already leaking how can you expect to row straight when you’re constantly bailing? Man. Just lock him in the basement or something. I don’t know. I guess that last part’s not really good advice. Sorry.



I’d be careful how you go about it because if they still end up getting married it can ruin any chance you have of a relationship with them. I had a friend who decided to get married after getting his girlfriend pregnant. This wasn’t the first time he’d gotten a girlfriend pregnant but it was the first time he felt he had to take responsibility for it. He was one of my closest friends and I wanted to be supportive of him but the girlfriend made that extremely difficult. She was a nasty, short-tempered, violent, uncouth drunk who was insanely jealous and insisted that he cut ties from all his old friends. I was one of the “lucky” two he was allowed to keep in touch with. He was clearly unhappy over losing all his friends and I truly believed he was on the receiving end of an abusive relationship. I didn’t outright tell him not to marry her, but I did tell him I believed he should really examine the situation and think about whether it was the right choice for him. He went through with it and things got worse. She tried to cut him off from the remainder of his friends (even the ones he’d made after they met and she had at that time approved of), as well as big portions of his family. Her drinking and abusiveness got worse. They had a civil marriage–no church ceremony of any sort–and when things got even worse I wasn’t the only one who told him he didn’t have to stick with it. He didn’t take my advice and they’ve managed to stay together. However, he’s no longer allowed to communicate with me or the one other friend from years ago, or any of those family members she drove away. Whether good or bad, they’ve managed to make their relationship work for them. I can’t say whether he would have been better off if he’d heeded my (and others’) advice, but there are a lot of people who, at one point, were some of the most important people in his life who would still be part of his life he had taken a different path.

No, they won’t end up excommunicated if they divorce! This is precisely the point Pope Francis was making a few weeks ago in a statement he made.

First of all, ‘excommunication’ is a canonical penalty. There is no canonical penalty for divorce. A person who divorces may continue to approach the sacraments – especially Reconciliation, through which they may return to a state of grace.

However, when a person divorces civilly and remarries civilly without an ‘annulment’, they enter into a state of grave sin. Since they are not in a state of grace, they may not receive communion until they return to a state of grace – but this does not mean that they are excommunicated! They are simply in a state that prohibits them from receiving the Eucharist! If they extricate themselves from this state of sin, they may return to the reception of the sacraments, by first going to confession. (As a historical note, there was a time in the United States when civil divorce and remarriage led to excommunication, but that has been revoked, and is no longer in force.)

Just to be perfectly clear: no, getting a divorce does not place a person under the penalty of excommunication!

And so I must make sure to give a lecture no matter what when someone is considering marrying in the Church. If they still choose to marry in the Church, good for them, but I did my part and won’t be regretting thinking “if only I have said something…” if they end up separated.

So, let me ask you: how effective are your ‘lectures’? Have you ever ‘lectured’ a person and had them reply, “you know what? You’re right. Gee, thanks for reading me the riot act; I really needed that.”…?

I think I would advise the OP not to lecture his brother; that’s a good way to end up with a lot of bad feelings between them. If the OP feels the need to express his opinions, he can choose to do so – but it would be best to express his opinion gently rather than in a lecture. And, he shouldn’t expect his brother to listen to him – at this point, chances are, his brother isn’t going to listen to any advice, regardless how good or well-intentioned it is… :sad_yes:

Now is not the time to do this. You should have brought this up when they were newly, or at least fairly newly dating. There is really nothing you can say now.

Without going into too much detail, my husband’s brother sat him down for a long talk about why we should break up about a year and a half into our relationship. What he didn’t know was that my husband had already bought my ring and was waiting until the right opportunity to propose. They went from being good friends to near strangers overnight in large part because of that conversation, and even now several years later my husband doesn’t want anything to do with him outside of the obligatory family dinners.

I think it is better that he know now thean after the fact

I’ve changed my mind. I don’t think you should get involved. I mean it could just be that you and your brother don’t share the same type. Good luck just the same.



I say the answer to the Title of this thread is “Not unless they ask for your opinion” you already gave your opinion once and it did not go so well. I know you love your brother but sometimes we have to let people we love fall flat on their faces.

oh my bad! Thanks for the correction!

Effective or not, I rather give a “lecture”. It’s is what I call “to give apostolate”. I regret giving the lecture to my sister and after 4 years of marriage she finally confessed she even lied to the priest’s interview on why she wanted to marry the guy. In truth, she wanted to marry to give her baby in the womb a family of mom and dad.

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