Shut that thing up!


#1

Part One

Yesterday, Frank phoned his mother in Germany to wish her a happy thanksgiving, as is the custom in our home, even if the Germans don’t celebrate thanksgiving as we do here in North America.

Well, she was telling Frank that her cat had passed on. Frank and I said at the exact same moment, Oh no! Frank’s mother hearing my voice in the background, told Frank: Shut that thing up!! she was referring to me.

Well, to say I was heart broken is to say the least. I was not surprised at all, as she has wished me to die a horrible death, and angry that her only son lives here in Canada, and did not marry a German girl, and angry that he goes to the Catholic Chirch, exct exct exct.

Here is how it all started.

In 2000, she came to Caanda for a visit. She was terribly homesick. We did everything we could to make her feel better. One day, Frank took his mom out for a lovely long drive to Banff Alberta. They seen alot of wildlife, went shopping, you name it.

When they were on their way back to the townhouse, Frank excitedly told his mother he wanted to buy us a house. Well, they got back, and when they did, they sat down, and out of the blue, as Frank was telling his mother what kind of house he wanted to buy, she called him crazy, and an idiot.

Frank had the most saddest look on his face I had ever seen:( He had never been called any foul names by his mother in his entire life. He was shocked to say the least! He never even to this day has got an apology from her for that.

Frank’s mother has had a long history of verbal abusing her father for finding a girlfriend 3 years after her own mother died of breast cancer. They were very close before her mother died. 3 years later, grandpa finds love in a lovely woman named Elizbeth.

Well, his mother hated Elizbeth and her own father to the day they both died, and she never mourned the passing of either of them. She caused alot of pain and agony for Frank because when she wanted to talk to her father ( they co owned a house together, as when her mother died, she left half of the house to her daughter ) about the house and selling it, she got Frank to be the go between, and loving his mom and grandpa as much as he has, he agreed.

So for years, Frank would be the messenger, and when grandpa told his daughter he did not want to sell the house right away, his mother would verbally abuse opa and treat Frank like garbage. How? She knew how much Frank loved his opa, and she just trashed him to Frank everytime he had to be the go between.

One day, Frank decided not to be the go between anymore. things were fine. They refused to talk to each other, and the house issue was left alone until opa and his mom sold the house finally a few years ago. That settled that. Opa died last year at the age of 91, and Frank was devastated. He called his mother and told her, as she was not informed.

His mother told Frank that she didn’t care one way or another that her own father died. :frowning: 1 year before, Elizbeth died, and she didn’t care one hoot about her death either, as a matter of fact, she was likely delighted over it. From what i know of her, she did delight in her death.

Well, 2002 roles around, and the man she had been with since 1968 died of a heart failure in the hospital. Frank didn’t know about it, and he had called his mom to say hi, and she lit up like a rocket! She told Frank that she hopes I die a horrible horrible death, and that I was nuts, and he was a jerk for marrying a non German, and that he can stay with his Catholic friends, and
exct ex ct exct.

So now you know the story. So yesterday, she tells Frank on the phone when she heard my surprised oh no!! i had met her cat Paula, the one who died, and she was a nice cat. so I was surprised she had died, and out of the blue, said oh no!! I was sad, and surprised, and said oh no!! She tells Frank, SHUT that thing up!! She has no right to talk in the background!! SHUT her up!!


#2

Part 2

Well, imagine how shocked Frank was!! This came out of nowhere! He said goodbye and hung up. Our day was in ruins believe me. I was kinda bummed the entire day. I said nothing and was bummed the whole day.

An incident earlier in the day had bummed me as well. But that is a different kettle of fish. This was the the most hurtful thing she has ever said about me besides dying a horrible death.

She called me a “thing”, not a human, not Frank’s wife, just a nothing. that bugged me more than the incident earlier! Just a thing! a sub human thing.

I do have Frank’s permission to post this. So don’t ask me hey MP, why are you posting something so personal? Iam posting it because it hurt, and no, i do not want to be pitied at all. No way. So please do not pity me.

I pray for his mom all the time, I personally believe that she said what she did because satan had a part in this. How do I know? Well, we go to Mass faithfully every week, and whenever we are really happy, there always seems to be something that throws a nail into the mix.

We had come home from Mass, were joyous after the Mass, were delighted about the holiday, and wanted to share it all with our families, and then this happened! So who else knows how spiteful his mom is? satan. And he knows her racist attitude, and he knows how to play on her feelings. I noticed that the more deeper we come to love God, the more satan throws nails into the mix and tries to ruin our lives. Yes, I was bummed, but got over it.

I just wanted to share this, and let others know that no matter how bad you think things are, there is always God to lean on! Jesus, I trust in You!!! i give it all to You!! Jesus, I love You!


#3

Wow Philomena you are alot stronger than I would be. If my husband’s mother talked about me the way your MIL does I would have demanded he cut her out of his life. The woman sounds utterly self centered.

We have problems with my husband’s parents too but not quite as severe at what you’ve described. It’s mostly the way they treat my husband. And hurts me so much to see the way they treat him at times. We are right about at the edge of severing the relationship but it’s hubby’s call not mine.

I pray for them too. I hope things will change someday.

You’re right Jesus is always there for us, I will pray for your family. God Bless!


#4

Thanks Rayne :slight_smile: I never at any point in all the years no matter what happened, ever told Frank that he should not talk to his mom. I could’ve, but did not and will not, like you said about your hubby, its his call. :slight_smile:

Frank has been terribly hurt over this over the years, but at no time have I ever told him he could not maintain a relationship with his mom. He has refused to call her on several occasions in the last 6 years since she came to Canada and went home to Germany.

I told him on holidays, and other occasions, and non occasions that he needs to call his mother because she is his mother, and at times, he refused, but he agreed that he ought to call her aynways.

I told him when he writes cards to her, to keep me out of it, and I usually stay silent in the back ground when he phones his mother and only yesterday did i say something, because I love animals deeply, and was really surprised at the death of her cat.

I didn’t mean to say anything, but it just blurted out! I felt bad for talking in the background, and if I had not said anything, perhaps she would’ve not called me a “thing” but, i had no control over what I said because I was surprised, and just said, oh no!!

Ah well. I just leave in His hands, and that’s all one can do! :slight_smile:


#5

How did you hear that her cat had died? Were you usng a speaker phone? If so she may very well have have been refereing to shutting the speaker phne off. I occasionally have clients ask me to "shut the thing off. "


#6

Frank was sitting right next to me on the couch when he called his mom. I was typing here at CAF at the time. She referred to me as she, and that is how I know, and I also understand German quite a bit, after all, I do live with one. :slight_smile:

She said: Shut that thing up! She has no right to talk in the background! No we do not have a speaker phone. His mom has a very loud voice and when sitting next to Frank, I could hear her very clearly.


#7

I guess the bright side is she lives in another country. At least she doesn’t live in the same town as you and you have to deal with her in person.

I don’t understand how people can be so hateful. It boggles my mind.

Breathe in: Bless her
Breathe out: Release her

You cannot control how she treats you or her opinion of you. You can control how you react to her, and if you so so in a Christian manner. Sounds like you are doing a good job of that. But it still hurts, doesn’t it? Hugs.


#8

i wish she did live here, then she would see and understand that yes, the world has different cultures, no we are not idiots or fat as she seems to think we all are over here in Canada, and so on. No, I cannot control her nor would I ever want to. Iam doing my best. It can hurt indeed, most of the comments I brush off, but when it comes to being called a “thing” it is like your sub human and do not fit into any category.oh well… I trust in Jesus, that is what matters as well as praying for her everyday :slight_smile:


#9

Wow, I admire you sooo much for holding your tongue with this horrible woman.

There is a radio talk show host, Dennis Prager, who I like to listen to a lot. He is Jewish, and has a lot to say about the 10 commandments. I have heard him speak many times about “Honor your Father and Mother”. He says that the commandment does not tell us that we have to have nice,loving feelings about our parents, but that we do have to honor them no matter what. It seems to me that you are doing a great job of continuing to honor your husband’s mother, even if she makes it really hard.


#10

Philomena, I’m sorry for the heartache this woman has caused you and your husband. I can only pray that this woman will come to understand and repent of the sorrow she has caused to the people so close to her. I’ll pray for you and Frank, too.


#11

Well I was hoping it was all a misunderstanding. Sounds like you Mother-in-law is a real work of art.


#12

How about if next time your husband calls her, he starts the conversation with “Philomena is here with me, Mom, and this is her house as well as mine. She has every right to speak or make noise in the background, and if that’s ok with you, we can talk on the phone. If that’s not ok with you, we’ll have to communicate with letters, cards, and e-mails. Ok?”

On Saturday our family went to Confession and we had a lovely day. Then in the evening our mentally disabled neighbor comes to our door almost demanding that we take him to the store to buy cigarettes. My husband handled it beautifully, but after that I just had a sense of anxiety about this guy. I kept thinking “What if he comes when I’m home alone during the week?” The peace that I felt just disappeared. Then I realized that satan was probably trying to mess things up for us since he didn’t succeed in keeping us away from Confession an hour earlier. It’s good to realize that we’re not fighting flesh and blood, but we’re in a spiritual battle.

By the way, I just got back from a trip to our local Monastery where I picked up some Cords of St. Philomena :slight_smile: I can’t wait to wear it and give the other one to my husband! Do you know about the Cord?


#13

Wow. that is so Godly. And, hard.

God Bless You. Ask God to let you see her as He sees her.


#14

Nope, no misunderstanding, how i wish it was! :slight_smile: but since it happened, and likely will in the future, i had an idea i want some feedback on if you all wouldn’t mind so much?

i thought of going for a walk or something when Frank calls his mom in the future, and i am not bitter about this whole thing just a bit saddened is all. i didn’t think man could be so cruel to man, but it happens, and until God sets things straight for all mankind, man will continue to be cruel to one another.

so, any ideas are most welcome, since i should remain silent, then a walk perhaps? i’ve left the room before, but didn’t yesterday because i wanted to be on my pc here at CAF, and didn’t feel like getting up to move because my back was really sore, and it was an effort to even get up to go to bed last night.

Anyways, other ideas are welcome! everytime i pray the rosary, i pray for her as well as the whole world. so, what do you all suggest? :slight_smile:


#15

yes, i have one myself :slight_smile:


#16

#17

Taking a walk is a good idea, but I don’t think Frank should be his mom’s doormat. She is entitled to her own feelings, but she is not entitled to make such demeaning comments about her daugher in law.

IMO he should call her out on her childish and hurtful behavior. “Mom, that “thing” happens to be my wife, and I’m sure you don’t mean to speak that way about her. Why don’t I give you a call back when you’re in a better mood?”


#18

Holy smokes, I just read your latest post. Trust me, there would be no polite reprimand here. As people have said before, sometimes you have to cut out the cancer. A real piece of work is right.

BTW, I think the poster who said “Philomena is here in the house with me” meant Philomena was YOU since that is part of your username, not recommending pretending there was some woman named Philomena in the house.


#19

well, the smokes part of that is right :slight_smile: i never encourage frank to be anything but polite to his mother. why? because of the command from God, honor your father and your mother :slight_smile: So yes, he is polite to her despite what she says or does. i never encourage otherwise. frankly, i’d be disappointed if he treated her with less than love and respect no matter how rude she is or what she does. she is his mother, and she does care for him, only not who he is with. frank loves her alot. i do not discourage him from having a good relationship with her, it is not my place to do so. the lady in question has not called back since, and the issue is moot now.


#20

frank is certainly not her doormat, he politely hangs up as soon as she gets rancid with him. not all the covnersations are bad either.

she is entitled to her feelings for sure. no she is not entitled to make foul comments about me, and he has told her that in the past, yet she does at times, and when that happens, he hangs up and tells her he will call her back at another time :slight_smile:


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