Sibling relationships


#1

Having read opinions on a previous thread I just thought that I woudl post a new one for its discussion!

It has been said that a brother and sister should have no reason to live together aside from tragedy or perversity and I find this to be a distubing thought process.

I love my brother dearly and I would live with him as a roomate for no reason other than he is my younger brother and I cant see any reason not to - i find it very odd for someone to have any thought process which would see this as wrong???

Why should people see it as cause for scandal if to siblings decide to live together outside of the so called family home??

And more to the point when we are of the believe that it is ‘judge and be judged’ even care what anyone else should think??

If I wanted to live with my best friend ( a male) I would do so without considering anyones opinion merely because he would make a good (neat) roommate and If I were to live with my brother I would just do it?!

I am wondering if america is so different to the UK that this would cause scandal where here it does not?? Do people really care so much about what other people think that they are careful as to the closeness of their relationship with relatives in case people get the wrong idea? Should I not hug my brother incase someone construes it as sexual?

Has society become so sexually motivatd that this is something poeple worry about? If so I am less concerned with my own religious values and more with the way in which peoples minds have become so sexualised!!!


#2

I was just wondering what post you were referring to…Thanks :slight_smile:


#3

forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=171521
forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=170069


#4

No. This is not Church teaching, not American “thinking”, and it’s not the thought process of a normal person.


#5

Bunny - I’ve visited 42 of the States plus DC, and I’ve never been anywhere where a brother and sister living under the same roof would cause scandal. Maybe there is a 51st state calld “bizzaro land” where this kind of thing is seen as sick :slight_smile:

There are many who would assume that a male/female non-relative roommate situation meant there was a sexual relationship. Since I had roommates of the opposite sex where there was not even a drop of attraction let ALONE fornication, well, I know that it can be done. It is not the ideal situation, and I’d advise anyone to try to find an alternative.


#6

I think the confusion in these threads largely comes from a differing opinion on the definition of co-habitation. Regarding scandal…I can think of one instance where this may occur --> a brother and sister live together, yet others do not know of familial ties, but simply assume (however wrongly and largely due to our culture of sexual co-habitation prior to marriage) that they are living in sin. While I can honestly admit that I did make this mistake once years ago, I think that clarification on introduction and physicallity can put these issues to rest.

I do not think the posts in question had anything to do with assumptions that, as siblings, brother and sister were having sexual relations, but rather that it would not be clear to outsiders that they were in fact brother and sister. So, no, this is not a problem (sexually co-habitating siblings) in the US --> it’s the differing definitions used by posters that caused the confusion.

We do however need to care to some extent about what image we are projecting, lest we lead others to sin by our actions (example: modest dress to prevent leading others to occasion of sin). While I am not saying that we need to be overscrupulous in our image, but should take reasonable care.

God bless!


#7

Brother and sister living together is absolutely no problem. I lived with my sister throughout the time I was at at college. She was there for 8 years ( Vet School) and I was there for 5 years. All of our neighbors new we were siblings, and our friends new we were siblings. The only people who could possibly think it was scandalous would be absolute strangers who did know who we were. Now I can understand how two people of the opposite who are not related could be scandalous because people may not believe that it is just a platonic relationship, but I don’t think the same rules apply to siblings.


#8

I lived with my sister up until about 3 years ago…while I love her dearly we aren’t compatible as roommates…too much stree :eek: . My brother well it would be the same senario. He too much like my sister. We I have great relationships with both just as long as we don’t live together but if we did I wouldn’t think there could be anything morally wrong with it. :confused: :cool: Except for the fighting that would ensue. :rolleyes: :smiley:


#9

I think that people of well-formed conscience would not see this as scandal.

However, we should not scandalize others. This is not a judgment issue IMO.

I think there is a world of difference here–brother ok–best friend of the opposite sex-not so much.

Opposite sex unrelated roommates are scandal here IMO. And, IMO should also be scandal there. It is, I think, an issue of overarching truth and not local (and to me only secular) “customs.”

I think God cares.

No. Family relationship legitimizes things and someone that jumps to conclusions is not the same as scandal. However, I think a hug to a family member of the opposite sex should, quite frankly, look different than a “sexual” hug. But probably little to none of this should be public anyway. It is legitimate to do certain things with a spouse, for example, but not to do those things where others see it.

Yes.

Be concerned with both, I say.


#10

Boy, would those who say this have a problem in the “neighborhoods” of Chicago. To this day, an extended family buys a two-flat or three-flat, and the whole family moves in.

My eldest younger brother and my second sister lived together for years!


#11

That is ridiculous I hug my brother all the time! I also kiss my male and female friends!!! This does not lead me to see anything scandalous nor does anyone I hang out with this includes a local priest who I also socialise with on occasion!

I have lived in student accomodation as the only girl with 3 guys and my friends have done similar things most uni corridors are mixed as are most uni houses.

If my h2b goes out with a female collegue or friend it is not normal for to assume that something sexual must be going on just as when my male best friend and I go shopping or to a bar that isnt cause for concern.

I think that some people spend WAY to much time worrying about what others think or may say the bible does not condemn women from interacting with men nor men from interacting with women nor does it say that their should only be certain ways in which families should interact (obv aside from incest)

The whole point is to love each other and their are different ways to express this obv me and my h2b have a different relationship to me and my friends but thi does not stop me from kissing, hugging, living or hanging round with these people. The majority of my social circle are men mainly because I find most women to be gossipy, backstabbing, over thinking and judgemental but nonetheless I have different relationships with each of them.

The only way to never cause scandal is to never do anything and we are meant to live our lives albeit as god intended this means dont kill dont steal dont lie dont cheat it does not mean keep everyone at arms length in case god forbid someone misconstrues an action!

I left the church once from the ages of 11-18 because I saw (not the churches teachings) but those who follow them to misconstrue and set standards for no reason and I must say that whilst I have recieved some good advice from many of the posters on this site I have also seen some very judgemental and sometimes quite bigotted opinions(not necc in this thread) I find that the often double standards are unreasonable and verge on the ridiculous and it is for this reason that I will be staying away from this forum I dont want to turn away from my faith because of the disagreements I have with its practitioners.

God Bless
J


#12

it has been said by whom? by someone with very disordered views of family relationships who is probably in need of therapy IMO. someone who sees evil in adult family members living in the same home has severe problems and deserves our sympathy and prayers.

it may be a simple language problem. In American popular cultural cohabitation means one thing: two people forming a household for the purpose of sex and other privileges of marriage, without legal or religious marriage. It may be used in a broader sense elsewhere. Let us define terms before we go around casting nasturtiums. HOW MANY threads are active on this topic right now anyhow, and who are these people that are having such a major problem with this non-issue?


#13

Well there would be a lot of empty apartments in the Big Apple if that were the case:D


#14

Awwww…if I wasn’t married and my brother and I lived in the same city, I’d totally be his roommate. He’d drive me crazy with his “Protestant atheist” nonsense, but he’s my brother, and if I’m not going to provide him with a living witness to the Faith, who would? Besides, he lives in Chicago, and if I lived there too, we’d both need roommates.

Scandal? Crazy.

C


closed #15

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