Sign of peace question


#1

If you a married man sitting between your wife and your widowed mother in mass, who is it proper to give the sign of peace to first? Thanks!


#2

I would think it should be your wife, "And they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. " Mark 10:8


#3

[quote="leogirl, post:1, topic:240693"]
If you a married man sitting between your wife and your widowed mother in mass, who is it proper to give the sign of peace to first? Thanks!

[/quote]

well I think it would be appropriate to reach out to others around you as well, around here it is a signal for a love fest for the family members, which is great, but singles standing near by are usually ignored.


#4

Well, it's not really a part of Mass. Not required at all by the GIRM. So, do what you'd do anywhere. Your wife comes first; your mother second.


#5

[quote="beth40n2, post:2, topic:240693"]
I would think it should be your wife, "And they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. " Mark 10:8

[/quote]

I think it should be the mother: "Honor thy Mother and Father" Exodus 20:12 :D


#6

The bible will tell you two different things as you have just seen here.
Common sense will say that if you are even thinking about this aspect of your lives together there may be other areas where you are unsure how to act.


#7

“Common sense will say that if you are even thinking about this aspect of your lives together there may be other areas where you are unsure how to act.”

That is very true. It does go deeper but I just wanted an honest answer to to a simple question, without adding all of the other details at first.

I would also ask if it is proper to introduce the wife or the mother first.

My sister-in-law has said to me that if they they did not have children, they would be more okay with putting his mother first. They live closer to her and my brother in law is constantly asked for help, to the point where it is affecting his marriage/ family… which is a much more serious problem than my wanting to know “who comes first” in greetings, introductions, etc. but I still would like to find the answer.

It has been his instinct to introduce me first, greet me first, etc but I think lately the “look” on his mothers face makes him uncomfortable and he second guesses himself. Unfortunately, she is by nature a very selfish person and tends to have very difficult relationships with others.

She lost her husband several years ago, (only a few months after our marriage). Shortly after her husbands death, she asked us to refrain from any displays of affection or private conversations around her (and this was said loudly in front of other family in a public place, and was said in a very cruel way). Although we were newlyweds and clearly in love, it was not warranted at all… and I did find out later that she said the same thing to her other sons). Still, that memory haunts me…

I have had very few role models of healthy marriages, and I am always curious about what is right or wrong. I have read “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife” Mark 10:7, and of course "And they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. " Mark 10:8. I have actually read a bit on the subject (I think in the Catechism book), but still wonder what is done in real life.

I try hard not to be a selfish person, and to be a good wife… and if it’s easier for DH to greet, introduce her first, etc than I am okay with that but we need to be on the same page. (I find it uncomfortable since I am used to immediately turning left at this part in mass, and the last few times we were at church with her he has not been there to kiss my cheek as usual and it has taken me by surprise!) But, I have been afraid to bring it up because I fear that I would sound petty and controlling.

Thanks for your advice.


#8

Perhaps the wife should sit in between the husband and the MIL! Wife should come first.

Sounds like the MIL is still grieving and replacing her late DH with her son.

Don’t let her control your relationship with something like this. Can you imagine what she will try once kids enter the picture? :eek:


#9

Believe me it’s your wife first, as in all things except God Himself. No matter who I’m with, I always greet my husband first. It helps if you sit next to each other but I do see couples reach over small children to greet each other first.


#10

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