I am in dire need of advice, as I have found myself in a situation where I don't know what the Catholic way to handle it would be.
I have been in my current relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 years. Early into our relationship we had a discussion about past relationships and the virginity issue. We both talked about how we were virgins, and thought that waiting until marriage was so neat.
Some time passed and during that time my boyfriend shared with me more details about his past relationships. Especially the one which obviously meant the most to him. He showed me old pictures of his ex girlfriend on his computer and told me all about her (how they met, what class they had together, their first kiss, etc.). I have to say that in many ways that was too much information, so I asked him not to be so open about in the future with me.
More time passed, and eventually the cat came out of the bag that his relations with this particular girl were much more intimate than I thought. He brought a few points up in passing conversation, and I asked questions to find out more (by that time I felt like I then knew enough that I was going to have to know more details or always wonder). I came to know all about the term "technical virgin" which I hadn't ever heard of in my life.
I can't deny the fact that this was very shocking and hurtful to hear. In no way shape or form was I trying to say I didn't love my boyfriend anymore. I still loved him, but it was a bit of a shock to my system to think one thing for so long, and then find out something different. I know he didn't purposely lie to me, but it still hurt me.
It took awhile for my heart to heal. But over things become more distant in my mind, and I was able to move on in our relationship.
That is, until recently. In visiting my boyfriend's Facebook page to wish him a happy birthday, I discovered that he and his ex girlfriend had become friends and are in contact with each other. I've tried so hard to not let it bother me and to realize it's his life and I can't tell him who to be friends with.
But I am still so entirely heartbroken over this. How am I supposed to get over this and move on when I feel like it is constantly bombarding me? Why do I have to know everything about his ex girlfriend and know that they are talking to each other?
I am trying to be forgiving and see it as no big deal, but my boyfriend knows how much it hurts me to think or talk about this particular ex girlfriend. He knows I use Facebook all the time, and like to visit his page. He knew I was going to see this.
I get so frustrated at myself sometimes, because I feel like I should have a hard heart and not be bothered my this. As my boyfriend told me in the past, he can't understand why it's such a big deal to me; it wasn't to his other ex girlfriends because they had unchaste pasts too. Then I find myself feeling even worse because I didn't fit the stereotypical way of how he thought I should act in this situation.
I had moved on, forgiven him, told him that I loved him anyway, and then it all came back with this recent turn of events. I feel like he is being insensitive.
Does anybody have any help for me on what I should do? I feel like I can't talk to my boyfriend without coming across as unloving, accusatory, demanding, or any one of those things.
I just need help.