Signs - God or the devil?


#1

Hello there,
First of all sorry if this is in the wrong thread but I wasn't 100% sure where to put this and thanks in advance for any advice people can give.

I'm really confused and sad at the moment. As some of you may or may not know my long term boyfriend broke up with me in the summer. I really thought (and part of me still does) that we would marry one day. He broke up with me due to not feeling the same anymore but we were going through the stress of long distance and he was really depressed at the time so I believe his feelings could change back or new feelings for me could develop in the future when/if he recovers. At least I hope so.

I am sick of getting my hopes up every time I see him but I know I will until I either stop loving him (which I don't believe will happen) or we get back together.
As a way of trying to avoid any extra hurt and trying to make sense of the situation I have been praying hard every single day since the split and I asked the Lord for guidence.

I don't have much time at the mo so can't go into too much detail but I really asked for signs and two seperate old friends who I hadn't spoke to for at least 1-2 years told me on seperate occasions that they went through something similar with their partners and both are now engaged. One friend had her boyfriend (now fiancee) break up with her when he was depressed and told her he didnt love her anymore and wont change his mind....theyre now engaged. The other friend told me how she was the depressed/stressed one and ended things with her partner saying she wasn't in love anymore and would never get the feelings back.....5 months later they got back together.....now they are engaged.

Also whenever I'm really down I keep seeing banana skins on the path. I know that sounds weird but it holds a significance to me and my ex when we were dating (long story) and whenver I see one I feel comforted like God is trying to tell me something.

However I do have doubts because I don't want to keep setting myself for a fall. I'm trying my best to be strong and have faith that I need to be paitent for things to work out etc but obviously these "signs" or "conincidences" aren't yes or no answers so I guess depending on your point of view you could interpet them either way....but then I always think about how the majority of ways God reveals Himself to us could be intereted both ways so I guess it's where faith comes into it.

My main questions are if the devil could be sending me these signs to misguide me/upset me more etc.
But then when I ask that it makes me wonder if God would allow me to go through so much hurt. Like He would know how much my hopes would be raised to be ultimatley crushed if these "signs" are from the devil. I know the devil can send us signs or messages to tempt us away from God but like what I'm asking for and being shown wouldn't lead me away from Him so I don't understand how it would be from the devil? just to cause me pain? And when I see the banana skins etc it makes me feel greatful to God and like He has listend and is answering me. Would I get that feeling if it was from the devil or just coincidence?
I know God has given us free will but like if I'm already really depressed about things surley he'd prevent so many coincidences from occuring.

(there have been other things but like I say I can't get into them now, I've feel behind with Uni work and have to go and catch up now).

Thank you all again for replying. Hopefully later on I can clarify anything if you need me to and hopefully this will help me to understand things a bit better.

God bless you all
x


#2

Hi, I'm sorry I don't have a definite answer, but.. try to trust in God's goodness. Yes sometimes He allows us to suffer but only to draw us closer to Himself and to share in the Cross. The Saints saw suffering as a blessing. Try to surrender to His will, whatever it is. Don't look for signs, but ask God to help you accept whatever He wants for you...remember He wants what is best, and knows all things. Remember He loves you more than any other person ever could...try to trust Him.

God bless you


#3

God doesn’t send conflicting signs like that… He’d make it more obvious if it was important. If He wants you to figure it out yourself, then no signs. I’d be careful about getting so into it, trying to interpret odd things like this… like you said it might be the devil trying to make you even more sad.

I am praying for you! You should make regular confessions and go to adoration a lot… that tends to put things in perspective and make you feel way better:)

*Perhaps you shouldn’t ask for signs but how you can follow God’s will. This way you’ll be on the right track, and even though you’ll still be sad, you know that God will take you somewhere good in the future.


#4

Hi milletsmo I am truly sorry for your suffering.
I know you won't want to hear this but i have really been where you are more than once.I thought I would never love again.

Try to be his friend.Build a busy life for yourself (especially in his eyes).Let him see how independent and positive you are.Confident and capable.Even if you don't feel this inside try to portray to him how well you are doing and that you are a sophisticated,independent woman!
Concentrate on making new friends,going out socially with single friends,keep busy.Put lots of effort into your studies.Let him see what a capable positive person you are.
He may well recognise what he has been missing...you! Either way at least you will be friends.
Time will tell if you are meant to be reunited romantically.

Men like to see independent women,especially if he is depressed you will be showing him what a good influence you would be.

Concentrate on being his friend.Pray to God.Trust in God.Keep busy.
Make the effort to go out with your friends even when you don't feel like it!
I am thinking of you and wish you well.God bless


#5

I have learned that when we really want something we can see the signs we want to..but I have also learned from that how to read the real signs for the most part anyway. Another thing I have learned is "no answer is the answer-no"


#6

Thank you for your reply. Obviously I know no one can give a definite yes/no answer was just wondering what peoples general opinions are.
I’m not specifically looking for signs if that makes sense though I did ask for a sign or for some kind of guidence from God so I knew which path to take (and to maybe make the pain easier to manage)
I know suffering brings us closer to God and that sometimes He allows us to suffer but it doesn’t make it easier. I am doing my best to have faith and have patience for whatever His plan for me might be. Thanks again.


#7

[quote="ljubim, post:3, topic:179247"]
God doesn't send conflicting signs like that... He'd make it more obvious if it was important. If He wants you to figure it out yourself, then no signs. I'd be careful about getting so into it, trying to interpret odd things like this... like you said it might be the devil trying to make you even more sad.

I am praying for you! You should make regular confessions and go to adoration a lot... that tends to put things in perspective and make you feel way better:)

*Perhaps you shouldn't ask for signs but how you can follow God's will. This way you'll be on the right track, and even though you'll still be sad, you know that God will take you somewhere good in the future.

[/quote]

Thank you for your reply. Can I ask you to explain what you mean by "conflicting signs"? thanks :)
I know it sounds odd but to me it isn't an odd thing as it is personal to me/the relationship.

Thanks for praying. I have asked for a sign or guidence but also asked God to show me how to follow his will. Like I said earlier I'm trying to be faithful and patient but obviously it is hard, especially when I am this sad.

Thanks again.


#8

[quote="tbcrawford, post:4, topic:179247"]
Hi milletsmo I am truly sorry for your suffering.
I know you won't want to hear this but i have really been where you are more than once.I thought I would never love again.

Try to be his friend.Build a busy life for yourself (especially in his eyes).Let him see how independent and positive you are.Confident and capable.Even if you don't feel this inside try to portray to him how well you are doing and that you are a sophisticated,independent woman!
Concentrate on making new friends,going out socially with single friends,keep busy.Put lots of effort into your studies.Let him see what a capable positive person you are.
He may well recognise what he has been missing...you! Either way at least you will be friends.
Time will tell if you are meant to be reunited romantically.

Men like to see independent women,especially if he is depressed you will be showing him what a good influence you would be.

Concentrate on being his friend.Pray to God.Trust in God.Keep busy.
Make the effort to go out with your friends even when you don't feel like it!
I am thinking of you and wish you well.God bless

[/quote]

Thank you for all of your prayers, I really apriecate it! :)

I'm trying my best to be friends with him as I know if we were to get back together one day we'd obviously have to work on getting our friendship back on track first (we were best friends as well as bf/gf which makes it harder now). Its hard to be friends though because when I'm around him it takes all of my strength to not hold his hand or hug him or kiss him and so on. Also when we're together depending on the setting (like alone or with friends or whatever) he always acts different and acts strange. For example this time last week we went to a music festival together. One moment he was super nice to me and pulled cute faces and said cute things etc and (apart from kissing/holding hands) acted similar to how he acted when we were dating. One moment he'd ignore me, like move away if I stood near him etc, then sometimes he would talk to me but only if I had started talking to him and it felt a bit forced/awkward and so on. This makes me think he cant be fully over me....which then makes me hope I still have a chance. Sigh.

I'm trying my best to concentrate on me, I went out last night even though I didn't really want to but it was a course night out. I didn't really have that much fun to be honest, and because I was sad about my ex I got really sad when this nasty lad was mean to me (like if I wasn't already upset I'd probably have just got annoyed at him rather than feeling sad).
I am going to the gym and finally losing weight, something that I have always tried to do in the past but after a little while I'd always get complacent and stop and end up in bad habits etc.
My ex witnesses this and has obviously seen me getting smaller since the split so I'm hoping he can see me being independant and positive etc etc.
Thank you again for all of your advice and prayers.

God bless
x


#9

Thank you for your reply. I know we can often see things that we want to see when there is actually nothing there, however I belive that I have had too many occassions of seeing certain things for it to be mear coninceidence, or me seeing what I want etc.
I am just wanting to know what others think because I am trying to protect myself from getting my hopes up, althought I know until I either move on or get back with him I will forever do so.
Even when I doubt I still think deep down that it is God’s way of comforting and talking to me.
Obviously if He just appeared and said “on this day … you will get back together” or say “on this day … you will move on” then it would be a heck of a lot easier, but I know the chances of Him doing so are very unlikely. Nevermind, I guess it’s why it’s called “faith” haha.

God bless


#10

PS I was feeling a bit better about things and doing ok for about 2 weeks, I think I just feel so down/confused again because of seeing him last weekend and also on the 18th dec it should be our 3 year anniversary, then it would christmas, then his birthday and then new year. I know its wrong to wish our lives away but I really cannot wait for this month/year to end!
thanks again
x


#11

Hi Milletsmo Im so pleased you managed to go out last night.I know you didn’t enjoy it and you won’t for a while but keeping busy helps time pass quicker and shows him you are being independent. Sorry that lad was rude.
You remain in my prayers.Keep doing positive things and pray!!!
Just be his friend however tempting it is to hold hands or kiss dont!!! He will see how positive, confident(even if you aren’t) and capable you are.
You are being very brave and gooud on you! I hope and pray for you that things will improve.
In the meantime make new friends and stay upbeat if you can try to .
God bless my friend xx


#12

Oh… I’m sorry I think I misread and thought that one couple got together and one didn’t.

If only we all met the one person we were meant for and the love was reciprocated and we just could all get married and be happy! The world is so sad though :frowning: Just offer it up and put yourself out there.

If you’re meant to get back together it will happen. Nothing you can do to bring this about, so just keep trying to meet more people and spend time with friends and spend time at mass, adoration… be with those who love you back and better things will happen.

Don’t worry… this will probably be me in a few years. I’m 18 now and will most likely start dating when I head off to college… I’m also a very sensitive soul and even without having bf’s in high school I have still had the more serious kinds of guy issues just because my emotions go wild and I rely on other people so much. I’m thinking you’re similar… we can’t help it, just filling your life with people who love you back makes thing better. And of course nothing hurts with becoming more devout :slight_smile: (there’s no limit… everybody can work on this:thumbsup:)


#13

Hello, thanks for your prayers and reply.
On Friday I got really sad as an alarm went off on my phone telling me it was one week until my 3rd year anniversary - as if I'd forget! Whenever I think about things I feel really sad and think about this time last year, or even a few months ago when we spoke about what we'd do for it (as I finish uni that day and then have a six hour car ride to go home and see him so if we'd celerate on Saturday instead etc). I really hope he remembers on the day what happend 3 years ago and I hope it makes him miss me. (i'm at uni in London and he lives in the North of England....where I'm from. its only 3 hours apart on the train and we had manged the distance for my first 2 years at uni, and really theres only 6 months until it would be over!)
Yesterday I went on a bit of Christmas shopping trip and every shop I went in reminded me of my ex. The music didn't help either "I'll be lonely this Christmas" etc etc. I got really upset and thought I might cry in the street which I obviously didn't want to. I prayed to God to help me know things would be alright, and then I saw a banana skin, I felt a lot better, then I saw another 2 and I felt really positive.
I went on fb chat later and he was only. I spoke to him briefly as I was getting ready to go out. It was the first time we'd spoke in any way since Monday. On Weds I had sent him a message on fb asking when he was off over chrismtas and if he wanted to meet up somtime but he still hasn't replied....he never mentioned it in our short convo. I'm hoping its because he doesn't know when hes free yet, but I think it's a little rude to not reply saying "I'll let you know" or something. When he doesn't reply it makes me either think hes totally over me or hes not over me at all and the thought of seeing me is hard to bare. (I usually focus on the latter as the former is too painful but I know the latter gets my hopes up but I can't help it!)
Last night I went to my friends house party. I had fun. I got home late. When I got into bed I got really sad for some reason and I basically cried myself to sleep but at the same time I felt like I knew he'll come back one day I just want to know when but I guess I have to be patient. I think it's because the party was at my friend's house and he is married.

I really don't want to think this way but anyone who is happy in a relationship and/or married I get really jealous of. I often ask God how its fair for them to be happy and for me to be suffering again. I know we shouldn't judge others and don't know if/when they have suffered previously or will do in the future but its so hard. Like for example my 2nd cousin who is about 6 months younger than me got engaged last October. He had been with his gf for 2 years then in June this year they were married. Growing up he was more privelged than me as his parents make more money, he has never been massivley ill, hes really clever and has had a generally happy life so far. I on the other hand had a life threatening operation when I was only 8 years old, had a slipped disk when I was 16 resulting in a back operation when I was 17, suffered depression, moved to uni and had a mix up with accomodation so thought I'd not have somewhere to live and ended up in private halls which cost at least £2,000 more than the uni halls would have, as a result of the stress I got a rare skin diseas which has no cure we just have to "manage" it. and now I am going through the worst pain ever.
I know we shouldn't message our suffering against others as like I said we can't tell what people have went through in their past and will to come but I just don't think its fair and its hard to see this as a possitvie. Like I know theres loads of people who are suffering now as well and I know we all have to but when will mine be over? When I had my bad back it honestly did bring me closer to God and I wouldn't really change the pain now as it made me who I am today, but when I think of my broken heart and all the pain it has caused me the only positive spin I can put on it is that if me and my ex were reunited then it would be amazing and better than before as we'd be closer and wouldn;t take each other for granted and if I ever did I'd remmeber this pain.
But i'm scared incase we don't get back together. If we don't then I don;t understand why God would take away my best friend. We broke up before back in 2007 for a few months as I was confused, but because we were inseperable still and still kissed and saw each other almost as often we disgregared it and counted those 4 months in the lenght of time we were together. He was more heartbroken than me as he deeply loved me and I was unsure/scared (hense the break up) I felt that at 20 we were too young to be so serious after only 6 months. However I knew in my gut that we'd get back together one day as I knew then that we were supposed to marry. Now at 23 I guess you could argue I'm still too young to marry, but on the other hand we could if we were both ready. I just really hope in some time he'll get over his depression and we can try again. I don;t have that sure feeling anymore. Like I still feel like hes the right person to marry but I'm so so scared incase he finds someone else. I;m trying my best to remain positive and believe God's signs and trust in Him that we'll get back in time but it's so hard because the signs are abstract and could be interepted the opposite way.....but like would they make me feel so positive after seeing the banana skins etc if they weren;t signs? and would I really know two couples who went through almost identical problems as me and my ex and are both now engaged and I only contacted them after my break up if they weren;t a message that it'll work out in the end?
I'm so confused.

Thank you all again
God bless
xxx


#14

Hi again my friend.Im sorry things are still so hard emotionally.
On a positive, at least you both spoke pleasantly to each other on the phone.Try not to appear to be pestering him like on facebook asking about his plans,I know its hard but its probably best to appear casual and ‘just friends’.

Try not to contact him now until he either contacts you or Christmas day to wish him ‘Happy Christmas’ with a friend to friend phone call. I would keep it a short polite phone call not asking too many questions about what he plans are just did he get nice presents,is he feeling well,and his family etc.If he asks how you are be positive and say you have been going out with friends and busy studying and shopping for Christmas.Then just say something like you better go and spend time with the family now,take care and if you fancy a drink sometime to let you know.Try to be casual and leave the ball in his court.

You don’t have to take any of my advice at all Im just trying to help you through a really difficult time.
Whatever happens I would love to see you happy. Pray to God to help you cope with this emotional upheaval. God didn’t make your bf finish with you and God loves you both very much.God loves all of us.BUT we all have free will. It is yours and your bfs choice to reunite or not.Please try not to blame God.My prayers are with you

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

"God, you care deeply for broken-hearted people. This is a promise you make: You are close. We pray for all those who are crippled by broken relationships. Our hearts take the blow of disappointment. We feel crushed because our hopes are dashed. God, heal broken hearts. We cannot fix our own wounds. But you can. If pieces of our heart have been lost, or are held captive by another, recover them and bring them back to us and miraculously “put us back together” so that our heart is whole again. You are a mender of broken hearts. We ask for this miracle, in the name of Jesus


#15

Thank you, this week is so hard as I have many deadlines on Friday (which I'm not sure how I'll finish on time but I have to!) and it should have been our 3 year anniversary so I feel so sad.
God bless you all
xx


#16

Hi Milletsmo my love and prayers are with you particulalry at this difficult time which would have been your 3 yr anniversary.I know its particularly hard as its near Christmas also.Honestly I have felt exactly like you are now but please trust in God.He has a divine plane for each of us and we don’t know if you and your ex are meant to be together again or not.We don’t know what the future holde for you.BUT I do know you have your whole life ahaed of you.My life has taken many roads I was not expecting.I have made a lot of mistakes along the way.
God loves you my friend and if you pray to Him and trust in Him for His will for your life,things will improve.God bless you.You are loved.


#17

\I don’t have much time at the mo so can’t go into too much detail but I really asked for signs and two seperate old friends who I hadn’t spoke to for at least 1-2 years told me on seperate occasions that they went through something similar with their partners and both are now engaged. \

**Good grief, girl!

Your boy-friend, who apparently lives a long way from you, broke up with you, and you are asking for “signs”?

What do you want? A piano to fall down on you?

You’ve already been given a sign.

Get on with your life.**


#18

For Special Intentions
Almighty and loving Father, I thank you for giving St. Gerard to us as a most appealing model and powerful friend. By his example, he showed us how to love and trust you. You have showered many blessings on those who call upon him. For your greater glory and my welfare, please grant me the favors which I ask in his name.

For our friend milletsmo

And you, my powerful patron, intercede for me before the throne of God. Draw near to that throne and do not leave it until you have been heard. O good saint, to you I address my feverent prayers; graciously accept them and let me experience in some way the effects of your powerful intercession. Amen.


#19

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