Sin and church law issues regarding unbaptised 11-yer old daugther getting baptised and becoming protestant

I opened a thread in another section regarding this issue (forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?p=13887804#post13887804), but i want specifically also advice regarding the correct course of action in light of the teaching and law of the Church (and do not be shy to apply literal reading of anything relevant, so please no rose colored “following the letter of the law is too mean”-stuff, hit my with any applicable obscure rules and laws, however uncharitable this may be; for encouragement the other thread should suffice):

Wife (protestant, but mostly on paper) and Husband (catholic, lapsed at age 16, humbly returned at about 35) settled the issue of baptizing, teaching and going to church regarding children with a “husband can take children to mass, if they want, wife is free to inform them about everything wrong with organized church, especially catholic church; no one gets baptized unless they themselves want it”-truce.

11-year old daughter requests to be baptized protestant.

May husband encourage daughter? (pro: a glass half full is lot better than an empty glass; contra: encouraging daughter to join schismatical protestants is sinful)
May husband organize the matter, e.g. contacting respective protestant minister, bring daughter to whatever “join courses” they might have, etc.? (pro: see above; contra: see above)
May husband accompany daughter to protestant service (of course not eating bread there)? (pro: see above; contra: taking daughter to protestant service is opposite to teaching and raising her in catholic faith, and having to attend protestant service due to daughter is no excuse to miss mass, which of course has an increased risk with added sunday schedule)
May husband limit discussions, teaching and prayer of/with daughter to ecunemically non-sensitive topics? (pro: see above; contra: promise to raise children in catholic faith could be compriomised) or is there some mild obligation for unregular reminders about what is even better with catholicism?
Any other potential collision with Church law/teaching?

How is it that the child got all the way to 11 years old without being baptized and properly catechized?

Here is an article that may shed some light on the situation:

canonlawmadeeasy.com/2009/01/22/do-catholic-parents-have-to-raise-their-children-as-catholics/

Husband should defend his faith, honor his promise to raise the children Catholic and start steering his daughter to the Catholic Church. If this is not possible, then the Wife should take over; Husband should have no part in raising his daughter Protestant, instead of Catholic. You really need to make an appointment and speak with a wise and holy priest about this family problem.

Talk to your pastor. In mixed marriage, yes the Catholic can support the decision of a child to be baptized in a non Catholic ecclesial community. It’s not ideal, but it is what it is.

Ok, there it is:
vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P52.HTM
“Can. 1366 Parents or those who take the place of parents who hand offer their children to be baptized or educated in a non Catholic religion are to be punished with a censure or other just penalty.”

But the page linking there also notes:
canonlawmadeeasy.com/2009/01/22/do-catholic-parents-have-to-raise-their-children-as-catholics/
that this is only applicable in case of “freely, willingly, and voluntary” and in the paragraph before that for the sake of peace in the family the effort to raise in catholic faith may be limited.

Leaves the situation a bit unclear.

“How is it that the child got all the way to 11 years old without being baptized and properly catechized?”
“for the sake of peace in the family” sums it up nicely.

“You really need to make an appointment and speak with a wise and holy priest about this family problem.”
A bit difficult to identify in my area. I would suspect most priest would not understand, why there actually might be any problem at all. Which is the reason, why i ask these questions in this forum, as here people are likely to at least understand that there might be a problem.

May i highlight, that “should … start” is not fitting, considering that there was already respective activity obvious from there being a “truce” about the issue in general.

Regarding “wife taking over”, if that for whatever reason is not an option?

Something is “off” here.
If you go to the nearest parish and ask to speak to the priest HE WILL speak to you, and he WILL grasp the situation. They deal with this all the time.
Are you looking for an out? Or are you looking fro us to condemn you?
Neither is going to happen.
You have a responsibility to your child.
If you don’t care to fight for your faith, so be it. That, properly should have been settled before the I do’s but water under the bridge now.
But asking the question and then asserting an answer that says “I don’t need your advice” is telling.

See the priest. It’s what they do, if you care to get a Catholic answer in real life.
Best wishes.
Unsubscribing.

While he might be gone from this thread, i have to note, that i am completely unaware where i said “I don’t need your advice”.

mommy k gave me an interesting link, which i will read in detail and which also included a reference to relevant canon law; can’t complain about that; i answered a question, how the situation arose in the first place; i noted that finding a “wise and holy priest” might be difficult, which is and was not meant as a statement i would not try (and some people might have the idea, that someone who settled on a truce - should i have said ceasefire or armistice? - with his wife might already have discussed similar matter with priests and hence does not just randomly guess that finding such one might be difficult); i noted that the attempt to uphold the relevant promise is ongoing although the success is very limited (which is relevant, as nobody should misunderstand the situation); and i asked what if my wife is unwilling to help along my daughter with what she wants.

Sorry, if anything in that amounts to “I don’t need your advice”, it is not intended.

Especially i have to ponder about can. 1366 and ask the priest i will consult in this matter about it.

Carn,
I am married to a Protestant that is actually active.
I have a few questions:
1-You say that your wife is protestant only on paper, how is it then possible that your daughter wants to be baptized as a protestant? There must be something you are not explaining.
2-Did your daughter’s request come from her as an individual, or is she trying to appease her mother? (you make it sound as if her mother is anti-Catholic)
3-How well does your daughter understand the Catholic Faith? If she was raised going to a protestant community that may be all she knows.
4-How does your wife feel about you being a Catholic? Do you speak about it? Is she aware of your obligations? Does she have anything particular against the Catholic Church?

In the end you may have to let your daughter get baptized, but you should first try to clarify many of these things.
My wife and I have an understanding that I would educate our children in the Catholic Faith, even if they might not necessarily be baptized as babies (she is a Baptist pastor). And she is ok with this.

God bless,
D.

Read the norms on ecumenism applying to mixed marriage, AND the explanation of this canon is a text such as the commentary on the code of canon law. This does not apply to your situation.

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